Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Thank you, Shel! I was having trouble with my O2 saturation in the recovery center (it was in the low 90s to 84 at one point) because it was so hard to breathe in the torture suit, so he said it was okay to leave it undone. I think I should have done it up again sooner than I did, so this is partly my own fault which makes it feel more stupid.

I shall blubber away tonight and be chipper tomorrow in anticipation of a clean straight jacket!

I'm so sorry Cecily. I'd probably be in the same state as you right now. I hate to feel dirty and I really like my privacy. I wouldn't even like a family member (including DH) to see me like that. I'm glad you are being honest on the PS forum as people need to be prepared. With my TT, I was able to take a shower immediately and could handle my drains myself and wear underwear. The only thing I needed help with was rewrapping after my shower, but by then I would be in underwear and a camisole. After reading what some of the others said (and now you), I realize that I wouldn't have had the fortitude to do what you what you have done.

As you mentioned in your prior Post, by most accounts your second surgery should be a breeze compared to this one.

So glad you understand Liz! I'm super private too and very independent. So added to the dirty thing, I'm miserable.

It has been at least a week since I last posted. That sounds like the second line in a confessional. Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

I am accomplishing bunches. Weight, pain and alcohol use are all up. I was using a shot glass in the woods that was 1 oz. The one at the house I thought as 1 oz but is actually 2 oz. So while working my Alcohol use was double, to 12 -14 oz a day. (I am aware that is a huge amount, $$$) Almost 1000 cal / day. Then my eating is less on track. I lack a few pieces of shoe mold and 2/3 rds of the paint (most of it crawling around on my hands and knees) and the AC unit (it can wait). I am seeing an end to the remodel and the alcohol.

Sleep doc follow up this morning for my mother. Sleep study for me and DW tonight at pain management's request. Probably back to the woods tomorrow. Retina specialist on the 21 st for my mom. DW has a minor procedure and I have a real back procedure on the 22nd, not another test. Between the 3 of us, seems like we have too many doctor visits.

The CBD oil continues to work well for me. Our Havenese does not travel well at all. Extreme anxiety. We gave him 2 drops of the oil and it made his travel time tolerable. Normally he would be shaking even with a short ride. With a long ride sometimes he would throw up. With the CBD drops he would still jump in the seat and whine if I stopped and got out to fill up with gas. But for the most of the 1.5 hour trip he just relaxed. Truly a first. They make a dilute solution for pets. Thinking about getting some for China, the pit bull, because she has a lot of pain from abuse as a puppy. The pain meds we use for her are not that effective (ultram, Mobic ). I think DW is going to become a distributor so we can get it at a discount.

Baby Adalyn is growing like a weed. She can turn from back to front and then back, she tries to hold her bottle, eats rice cereal and vegetables from a spoon, teething big time (no teeth yet) and maintains a perfect coil of me around her little finger. LOL.

For returning members thanks from me for participating. I really need everyone's support on this site.

Carbon, I had often wondered how you were doing. Sorry that the losses you have gone through have happened. Hope your knee mends quickly. You need to be in top form to stay away from bears. I have a real fear of bears (not abnormal).

Liz- Sounds like you have a wonderful Alzheimer's group. And I really liked your Mother's Day pictures.

Diane S. - New car. What fun. They smell almost as good as new babies and coffee.

Paula - my prayers remain with you and your family. Glad for the positives.

Diane O.- Pics of your fur babies were great. How fast they grow! Great lawns and dogs can be problematic.

VSG Ann- glad you had a good cruise. I think with loss it helps to be extroverted. I love your fruit and veggie input. I am putting spinach in my eggs in the mornings these days.

Devon - I admire your love of teaching, I understand the frustration of committees. I worked for a government hospital and every time they tried to pull me away from the bedside and into meetings or management I resisted.

Shel - your hikes and photography continue to amaze me.

BB- a really good baby is god s way of tricking you into having a second child. I have always had them around, never had a chance to really want one. Enjoy the process whatever it may be.

Cecily- your surgery pics look great. Flat tummy. Makes me sore just looking at it. All of the stuff going on right now will heal. So sorry you are having a tough time now. I took some medication for a while that heighten my sense of smell specifically ammonia. Smelled like I had been in a chicken house but DW could not smell it unless I had been in the chicken house.

Miss150- enjoyed your thoughts on addiction. I felt I had an addiction to nuts and yogurt. I had no control. Thoughts were focused on n and y for about 2 1/2 years. That was pretty much it. Hopefully it has run the course. I do drink alcohol for pain control at alcoholic levels. I really don't care for the buzz unless I am painting. Because painting walls are boring.

More later, David

I'm feeling a bit better so I thought I would add some non-self-centered things for the day. At the OH conference, I went to a session with a gal who I think was a brain researcher or something like that. She claimed that food addiction is not a "thing". I think the whole audience turned against her at that point. She went through lots of neuroscience that said to be an addiction the brain pathways needed to fire in the same fashion as they do with drugs and alcohol and food doesn't. Her message was that we think we're addicted and therefore shun a lot of things we could learn to incorporate in moderation. I'm not sure many people left believing her. If it's not technically "addiction" it sure is a deeply ingrained association between foods that draw us in and the feelings they've given us over the years.

DianeO, happy painting! I love barn red...

Liz, so pleased you're enjoying yoga and finding it helping! A pastry chef?? That seems like a cruel joke

Bonnie, that playground thing is so illogical it sounds like something that ends up on a late night talk show!

Paula, more coming your way.

DianeS, if the junk elves ever show, please direct them down here when they finish with you...

Peps, just so proud of you for finding a groove that's working for you!

David, thank you for the medication smell connection, Lordy I hope you're right. Love hearing how quickly the baby is learning new skills. Babies are amazing!

The ASAM.org site Ann gave us did nothing more but confirm to me that I am an addict when it comes to sugar. This is not surprising given my family history. Of course, I stopped smoking, so sugar is totally doable, too! Will take time but it's certainly doable.

As a person with plenty of experience with addiction/addictive behaviors I have thought about what I can do to fill the void of the sugar addiction. So, I'm going to try to push exercise to fill that void. I am hoping that since exercise releases endorphins which can work as a "reward" for the brain the way booze, uppers, sugar, sex, etc.... work, I think it's worth a try. I am now enrolled in the school of thought that addictions must be replaced in some manner. Otherwise, you end up back in the same boat with another mode/substance to fill the void.

Miss Bonnie 150:

Posting on the main forums: I did a lot of that for a long time. Then it seems that openness and looking at problems from various angles was no longer appreciated by a vocal faction of the main forums. I have evolved over time. I used to espouse high protein, low carb. However, for me it is not a sustainable way to eat. I don't know what eating style I will end up adopting for a lifetime, but I am fairly certain it will be a style that includes fruit, dairy, healthy fats, vegetables (since I must), nuts, and protein. I think my style of eating will also include grains, both whole and refined to a degree. If my obesity evolution were an old fashioned elevator ride in in an elegant department store. I had lunch in the basement cafeteria, I looked at the curios on the first floor and I'm on the way to mezzanine level. My type of outlook isn't too welcome on the main boards these days. I am not one of the Hags, I had little to offer on the early weight loss parts, or the pre or post op parts of the journey, so I ultimately stopped posting on the VSG board.

I did post several posts about my path of regain on the main board. Some posts were well met. Others not so much. OH asked me to write a couple of articles, which I did. I have a blog (not too active lately, though). You are more than welcome to follow the blog. It's not too much reading. I average a post per month. You can find it here: www.afatmansjourney.net

Day 2 of no sugar is going well. The cravings to eat something after dinner are in high gear, but I have fruit, yogurt, nuts and whip if I need it.

I hit the gym and had a pretty intense workout. I reminded myself that even though I am at my pre VSG weight I am still 2 pant sizes smaller and so, soooooooo much stronger physically than I was at this weight prior to VSG.

I'm going to call today a win. I am hoping to string a few more together - tens of thousands would be nice!