Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Weight - 134.6
Macros - Cals 1,414, Carbs 162, Fats 56, Protein 86, Fiber 37
Sleep (goal 8 hours.) - 8
Vegetables/Fruits (goal 8 servings) - 8
Exercise - None (I meant to walk, but took a nap instead)

And there goes another pound, thanks in part to some serious bathroom action. I'm also back on the veggie/fruit wagon with gusto. Yesterday I had cherry tomatoes, baby carrots, fresh organic mixed lettuces, a big Honeycrisp apple, lots of cooked kale/greens/spinach, plantains, bamboo shoots, mushrooms, and more carrots. Also had other good fiber in the form of whole grain bread, black beans, quinoa, and colored rice. Protein came in the form of a protein shake, skim milk, turkey meat, cheese, and pork.

BB Bonnie -- although I don't have a specific formula of veggies vs. fruits, I do lean a bit more toward veggies than fruits. Yesterday's ratio was 7 veggies to 1 fruit. But some days it's 4:4.

Also, yesterday I learned how to do online banking, with the patient help of a 22-year-old millennial at my bank. Everybody's right -- it's a snap.

But out here in the country, mowing has come to a screeching halt. Turns out that both mowers must be serviced for some simple, but irritating reasons, which I won't bore you with. The bad news is that it'll take at least a week for both machines to be repaired, during which time the grass will continue to grow at the speed of Jack's beanstalk. Ugh!

So during the next week I'll do other things that need to be done, breathe deeply, be here now, and remember that life isn't just about getting stuff done, but enjoying life.

And now to the subject of FOOD ADDICTION, which I've been pondering after seeing a recent comment Liz made on a general forum thread to the effect that most of us in this maintenance group think we're dealing with food addictions.

My first reaction was, "Oh, really?" But then I admitted that I often do think I'm addicted to food in the sense that I sometimes (although rarely, compared to how I abused food pre-op) do self-medicate with food in specific situations when I have anxiety, e.g.:

1. I can't get to sleep.
   
   
2. I'm facing unpleasant tasks I really, really don't want to do, procrastinate, and become more and more anxious about the tasks and the consequences of my procrastination.
   
   
3. I ruminate myself into a puddle on the floor.

All these self-medication misadventures occur at HALT times (when I'm hungry, angry, lonely, tired, etc.).

I can go months without one of these events. One of the ways I curb my use of these foods is to keep the house pretty well cleared out of "Danger, Will Robinson!" substances. Happily, I don't have any transfer addictions I'm aware of, although at times I almost wish there was something else I could do to alleviate my anxiety instead of binging on classic carb and sugar substances like biscotti, bagels and cream cheese, seed crackers or dark chocolate.

During the last nearly four years post-op, my consistent recovery strategy from one of these events has been to get right back up on the horse the next day and eat normally (not starve myself). In other words, I use nutritious foods to restore my body's sense of balance. And like most of you, when I'm at home I weigh myself daily and track my food. Those are all big deals for me.

So if I am relatively successful at limiting these self-medication events to a day every month or two or three and if my recovery from this behavior is relatively rapid, is this really addiction?

The ASAM's (American Society of Addiction Medicine) definition of addiction is shockingly clear that this use of any substance to assuage discomfort is indeed addiction. https://www.asam.org/resources/definition-of-addiction Although addiction, like many other things in life, is a matter of degrees and stages, ASAM is very clear that addiction is not defined by how long or how often relapses occur or remission lasts. You either are addicted or you're not. And addicts are either currently managing their addiction or they're not. But they're always addicts. At least, that's the way I understand what's written there. I'd love to hear if y'all interpret this differently.

And in other news, today I go back to yoga class.

Today's theme: Yoga is my friend.

Ann, so glad to see your posts first thing every day ! I'm not sure why, but it stresses me to post first because I've experienced too many simultaneous initial posts. Ties have never been comfortable to me...I'd rather be second ! Go figure !

I interpret the research on addiction to indicate that an individual with addictive tendencies navigates recovery long term. I don't believe I will ever not have addictive propensities. I can anticipate, plan, strategize, modify, minimize, but not eliminate. Awareness is everything!

Let's formally welcome Peps to the fruit/veggie enlightened side ! It always amazes me how 3 ounces of dense protein and some fruits/veggies satisfy and satiate. I have to agree that I eat more veggies than fruit, mostly berries and apples. I find melons and bananas to be close to slider foods, and limit "mushy" minimally fiberous fruits. Like many others have mentioned, lettuces can disrupt my tummy, so I go light on them.

Applied weed and feed yesterday in the front where Atlas and Sadie don't tread, so can't mow there yet. Still waiting for some repair seeding to take hold in the back, so holding off there too. Outdoor painting and dandelion patrol for me today. Last fall, we painted our new lawn shed barn red. It is actually more of a dog house, proving water and shade when we bungy one door open. We have a former kids wooden play house we modified, removing the slide and swings. We hung hammock swings, created a rock garden in the shade and put two patio chair and a small table on the upper deck. Now painting that barn red with white trim to match the shed. I'll post a picture when finished.

Though you guys see my face a lot I don't like always being first, but early morning is when I have my time to do stuff like this. Sometimes I start the VSG menu thread which I hate doing because I can never come up with a decent QOTD. If I have time, here is what I do to avoid a tie (as much as possible): I write my post, then open another window and navigate to the discussion screen on the other window to make sure there isn't a post already. If not, I submit it. If another first post is already there I copy mine and add it as a reply. Not perfect, but it avoids some conflicts.

Ditto, Liz -- that's how I usually do it.

Weight 117.2, calories 1028. Speaking of carbs, did I mention that DS's boyfriend is a pastry chef (Danger, danger Will Robinson!)? Only one coconut macaroon was consumed last night, but OMG it was so good!!!! If anything will kick my food addiction in it is stuff like that. I think DS ate the rest when they got home from dinner last night (thank goodness for me, but not for his weight). DS and his boyfriend were heavy teens. His boyfriend is almost too thin right now, but my DS who has been mostly slim in his twenties is a little bit "chubby" right now. Somehow that happened between Christmas and when we got home in April. So, macaroons sure not a friendly food for him right now either.

I am meeting my former direct reports for lunch today, then going to a financial planning meeting to figure out how to structure my "fixed" income. My severance is done, so now I'm just receiving a monthly pension and we have DH's social security. I haven't opted for my SS yet, so we need to figure out when to do that and how to supplement the other $. I hate doing this stuff.

Ann, I'm doing yoga these days too, trying for 3 times a week (though it is only going to be 2 this week due to appointments). I find myself to be very inflexible, so I need it. But already after a short time I see some progress in that my bad shoulder is loosening up a bit. I have babied it so much in the last 10 years that my range of motion has decreased substantially.

Have a transformative Tuesday.

Liz, I'm tickled that yoga is benefiting you already. It's been such a boon to me in every way.

And yes, the coconut macaroon scene would activate all the klaxons in my neighborhood, too!

Hi Guys,

I'm out of clinic for part of the week and working on a process improvement group. I like a break from my usual work, on occasion.

I regret that I can't always join in on the conversation, during the work week, in particular. But, I think I read pretty much every post and am so inspired by all of you, every day, maybe most of all when you aren't having your best days.

About addiction: if the chronic pain opioid experts argue about who is addicted and who is not, I feel hopeless determining if I myself have an addiction. (By the way, many of those experts would say there is a spectrum, not a hard yes/no.) Also, I am notoriously terrible at applying medical criteria to myself. Addicted or not, I am satisfied to work on dysfunctional behaviors, every which way that I can.

I liked the article that Ann posted in the sense that someone out there is working on specific apps, plus a paradigm shift on learning how to eat. Tho honestly, I think I know how to eat.....my question is how do I keep in my lane and not WANT to drive into the ditch every couple of hours when I am looking for distraction? I like the idea of an app providing structure along with MFP.

By the way, I'm not sure WANTING to drive into the ditch is the problem. Or, if looking for distraction as I procrastinate is the problem. Chicken or egg. Certainly, I have a lifetime groove of ditch driving to overcome.

Cecily, particularly happy to see you in the house yesterday! Skinny thighs! So jelly.

Shel

158.6

OH, the wisdom and thought provoking thoughts I find posted here! Have you (that is to say, all-ya-all-of you, ever considered editing the individually personal person to person information out and cross posting to the general forums? I used to read-post some to those forums quite a bit several years back BDS (before dark side) and seriously needed WLstrategies, experiences, hope inspiring thoughts, etc are clearly few and far between, and so needed by all- new and vet alike.

I so agree with what has been said about the addiction issue. Just because it isn't manifest in my daily behavior these days, or reflected on the scale doesn't mean I don't have it--Rather, I am just managing it. Same as my diabetes- it didn't go away forever with the WLS. I'm still diabetic--just a controlled diabetic--A controlled addictive personality.

Off to school soon--(my apologies in advance to any who are- or, in a previous incarnation were--administrators) . Scheduling logic dictated from above--"Due to the possibility of some chance of rain Tuesday overnight making the playground grass and yard potentially wet on Wednesday , plans for said activities have been moved to Tuesday". What activities are we talking about, you may wonder- that we do not want the kiddos' sneakers not to be wetted? Why, Playground Waterpark Day complete with slip and slide, dunking tanks, run through sprinklers, water balloon fights, etc... SO, guess what came through a night earlier???? Why a huge rainstorm. Think the grass might be a little wet this morning? Maybe we should cancel the WATER play day entirely.....

The mind and logic of education....

Enjoy your day. Am off to get my sneakers wet.

LOL! That's a classic.

Miss Bonnie, I don't post much to other forums here. I love this VSG maintenance group. It's by far my most valuable online WLS support group. I'd miss it terribly if it evaporated. I truly think everyone here is a wonderful, smart, insightful person and that the diversity here -- re age, professions, backgrounds, and our ongoing challenges in life -- inform and support me every day about my own weight maintenance and other challenges.

But the vibes on the bigger OH forums don't thrill me. The "vets" present (to me) as a grouchy bunch that doesn't like being contradicted on their mostly-meat-most-of-the-time, no-alcohol-ever approach to maintenance. That's not helpful for me, since what has worked great for me thus far are balanced menus of protein and lots of veggies, fruits and whole grains and a little wine. Of course, that's my very own humble personal opinion, and I am definitely not speaking for anyone else here.

EDIT: The above paragraph really refers only to topics regarding maintenance, metabolism and menus.

Also, after four years post-op I've run out of interest in or commentary about surviving the pre-op liver-shrinking diet, how to get past a stall, and whether my husband is going to leave me when and if I get too skinny for his taste. So I don't visit the forums much since those are the kinds of topics that interest newer WLS patients who post there often. However, I still peek in from time to time and sometimes do see a thread that's more psychological or emotional in nature that does interest me.