Friday, May 11, 2018

Weight 117 OTD, calories 1616. Some of those were cookies. Bonnie, as you can see often an extremely low day ends up being followed by a too high day.

We did replace DH's sneakers with nice fitting navy ones. The brown ones just had too much structure so they made his size 13 feet look like size 20...

I was tired from driving to Boston and back. I think I'm getting old. Tomorrow I am driving to central Mass to our old area to participate in DD's 30th Birthday party. She has a limo for club hopping. Not my thing, but she was insistent that I come. At least I don't have to drive anywhere. She is picking me up from my hotel in the late afternoon and the limo will drop me off. Sunday we are going to a brunch in that area for her birthday and Mother's Day, then we drive back to Cape Cod for a repeat at dinner with the family down here. It will be a LONG weekend.

I bought a power washer the other day. I need a nice warm day to break it out and start cleaning the house. Invariably I end up wet with those things so it needs to be pretty warm out.

I need to get ready for yoga this morning. Have a fancy Friday!

Good Morning ! I certainly misplaced my big deal - little deal filter yesterday. On the positive side, venting here kept me from stuffing my feelings and eating over it. The passive aggressive potential is an unhealthy reaction I'm glad I owned, and will work to address.

Cecily...while I'm accepting responsibility, have to say I'm a bit jealous of the eleven pounds of skin you had removed. You are going to be so flat and firm !

Taking the Vets to a fast food/ ice cream seasonal place on Keuka Lake they asked to go to for lunch. While there are few healthy options, there is a black bean veggie burger I may try. Thank God for online menus, providing us with the ability to plan ahead !

I have had difficulty with my filter over some of DH's escapades lately too. I need to figure out a way to stop getting so annoyed as it is going to get worse (at least I need to learn to vent it somewhere other than at DH).

I'm home ... got back yesterday afternoon. The trip was lovely. But I am currently exhausted.

Haven't had the courage to weigh yet. It's going to be bad. But, with apologies up front for this idiom, it is what it is.

Today will be full of hydration and protein and all my meds/supplements. Now if I could just get more sleep.

Carbon, it's good to hear your voice again. Boy, have you had a lot to deal with!! Don't know if you saw this news, but my husband also died -- this past January. It's the worst thing I've yet had to navigate, and I am definitely nowhere near the end of it. In fact, I'm starting to think it won't ever be over, but will just continue to change.

I'll catch you all up soon. In the meantime I'll be reading the last 3 weeks of news in reverse.

Today's theme: Do the next right thing.

Ann.... so glad you are back and that your trip was lovely ! You've become a necessary ingredient in our little family, and you were missed !

I'm glad you had a good trip and welcome back. We missed you! Maybe don't weigh for a couple of days until you are back into your usual routine?

Liz-your daughter and I are the same age! The limo club-hopping sounds so fun! I had other plans for my 30th because I was pregnant it ended up being pretty mellow. I actually just signed DH and me up to do a party-bus-dive-bar-hopping in June, which happens to be the same date we met!!

Cecily-hope recovery is going well! I had 4.8lbs. removed and thought that was a lot--you go girl!

Devon-you are right and that thought has crossed my mind not to tempt fate with another baby. I had such an easy pregnancy with only a few days with mild bouts of nausea. No aches and pains really. Extremely easy delivery. And now a baby who, for example last night slept 10 hrs. Our 'bad" night is 5 hrs., quick feed, followed by 4 hrs. Ha! Although at the same time, it makes me want another all the more! Probably not the best time to mention it to DH while on the job hunt, huh? ;)

Carbon-you've been on my mind! I actually posted about you yesterday before you did!! I am so sorry to hear what you've been enduring while you've been away. Please know we are here for you.

Weight unknown

Yesterday's eats were: B: 1 scrambled egg, 1 piece sausage, 1 slice buttered toast, coffee, L: 1/2 chopped salad, 1/2 chicken club (lot of the bread removed), S: some cheese and sausage, D: thai lettuce wraps at cheesecake factory (not all) and split cheesecake with DH

I know I've asked this before, but cannot recall if any of you have problems with raw vegetables? I used to never have this issue before WLS, and I think it's getting worse the further out I get. Raw bell peppers and spinach are the worst, but often salad with anything but iceberg or romaine really upset my stomach. Missing Ann's fruit and veggie inspiration.

I'm in a weird spot. I know I'm only 8 weeks postpartum but the weight now feels like real weight. Ugh. Back up again. It was so amazing to feel the way I did last year. And mentally I just don't know if I'm ready to tackle that again. Especially not while on vacation. But I also don't want to let it linger. I'll be returning to work soon and I'm in a funky stage of my clothes actually do fit, but barely. They are tight reminders of the weight I must lose. It's making me extremely self-conscious. To make matters worse, we decided to replace BIL's photos at the condo that include DH's ex wife (I felt like since we've been together 7 years and married 3.5 it was time!!). But I didn't want to just erase photos of DH's kids when they were little so we searched far and wide for similar photos of the kids that simply didn't include ex wife. In my current self-conscious state that led me to irrationally begin comparing myself to his ex. As very bizarre coincidence would have it, she also had WLS and PS. I found myself asking myself "why do her arms look so small? why does she not have a muffin top?" Urghh!

The fear that we can't get a gain back off is with most of us constantly I think. I have it while still in my goal range!

You know at 30 I would have loved the limo party. At 63 it sounds exhausting but I'm sure I will have a good time.

I am chuckling about your comments on having another baby. Those maternal hormones are coursing through your veins girl!

Lettuce (and romaine) go right through me (and I mean right through me). I only eat very small quantities with protein. I used to love Caesar salad. Now if I get one (which I rarely do), I eat the chicken and maybe 2-4 small bites of the lettuce. If I had a regular salad, I'd be in the bathroom constantly for a couple of hours. Other raw veggies (at least the ones I've had like carrots, broccoli or cauliflower) don't seem to cause that for me. But I struggle with some IBS-like issues on a pretty constant basis. I've mentioned it to my doctors and they aren't overly concerned since I had a colonoscopy about 18 months ago.

Bonnie, I know when I begin to compare my (body, talents, possessions, job-you name it) with others it becomes a "thinking more of my self-less of myself " competition with winners and losers. If I'm in a fragile-vulnerable state I always make myself the loser. Losers are by definition, victims, and victims have no power. Having no power, for me, equates an inability to do-choose-improve-move---and I become stuck. Most of all, that feeling sucks every ounce of gratitude for all the wonderful, precious gifts I do have- I stop seeing them.

A real wise person one time told me when I was riding that horse (and I am very familiar with the nag), " We are none of us truly on the top or the bottom rung of any ladder. Look up, when you feel superior- there will always be those above you. Conversely, look down when you feel less than- there are multitudes below. Contentment, self-love, and the ability to move on the ladder is in knowing that wherever you are is who you are and the Power to change IS in you- not in where you happen to be on the ladder in relation to others."