Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Weight 115.8, calories 1169. Too much wine crossed my lips at a dinner out last night with DS, DH, SIL and DS's birthmom (Paula). Paula is getting married to her boyfriend of 10+ years so we were talking about all the fun arrangements (it will basically be a tropical themed party with DS and a friend or two doing the cooking).

So we were discussing a celebration of life that occurs in the middle of life. Interesting to see it on that perspective (I never really thought about it that way).

Sobering discussions on here yesterday. I did not mean that as a play on words...

My main news is that DH and I now have up to date physicals and his lexapro dose has been raised a bit to see if it will help with his recent anger and paranoia (ex the chocolate wars). Bonnie Miss150, my DH has Alzheimer's (about 8+ years in but still considered early stage).

Other news is that DD, who was almost as heavy as my HW, has lost 25 pounds by changing her eating and drinking habits. That and her recent acceptance into an MBA program are great boosts to her self confidence which was in the tubes since last year when her long term boyfriend cheated on her for the second time and they broke up. She turns 30 on Sunday, so it is good timing.

I wonder when Ann will be back?

Have a weightless Wednesday!

Everything happens for a reason ! My pedicure and massage were much more enjoyable with an additional two weeks of knee healing ! I am so grateful to have our garage door converted and operational again ! I missed my Forester !

Peps and Miss 150... your addiction comments yesterday were so valuable nd thought generating. I think of the way my addictive personality shows itself as perpetual "wack-a-mole" . I get one opening under control and plugged, and the damn mole pops up in a new place, or finds a new route around the plugged hole. I, too, have over eaten, over spent, over exercised, over worked... and I know alcohol has the potential to be abused. My sleeve is a Godsend in that regard because I don't drink anything before, during or after eating and a glass or two of wine is totally my limit. I am also fortunate to have a very cooperative sleeve. When I treat it with the protein forward respect it deserves, my restriction and bad reaction to too much sugar helps me stay the course. I often have to remind myself of the potential negative consequences of "over" anything, to tip the balance of my decision making. The right choice for me is not natural or automatic. Will it ever be ?

Paula, thinking so much about you and your family. Love and hugs ! I think, too, about the enormity of what all of us are trying to do in our daily lives and this is a special group of strong, sincere, survivors !

Happy Wednesday!

I couldn't get into the 5am workout class today. Just as well, I think I have a caffeine withdrawal headache, a medical emergency. Visiting University of WA with my DD this morning

Paula and Ann, hugs to you both! Cecily, no hug for you because I know that even the idea of someone wrapping their arms around you and SQUEEZING isn't exactly welcomed right now. So, sending you visions of fun underwear, sitting without pooling, and (if you are lucky) adhesions popping.

B150, you had a line yesterday that referenced the weight loss feel-goods. Wow is that a powerful feeling. A drop in number still adds a swagger to my step. In an alternate reality, I may have used food restriction and exercise in ways that were just as unhealthy as overeating my way to 361 lbs.

For me, that would be my dark side, I think. In my real life, "addition" as a diagnosis is a hot topic, as we work with opioid use in chronic pain. That labeling is above my pay grade so I just solider on.

In my personal life, spending on clothes is still fun, but it doesn't FEEL the way over-eating does. Exercise may forever have a glimmer of dysfunction to it, as the calories-out partner to calories-in.

But, even in that, I think I see positive changes. I used to think more than I should about hiking snacks. It felt dysfunctional and I knew it, but couldn't wave it away. That thinking has organically changed over time, maybe because the foods I obsessed on don't actually taste or feel good out in the wild. Now, packing snacks/food isn't that much different than making sure I have my first aid kit.

We have many facets. Just like diamonds.

Go find some recess, my sparkly friends,

Shel

New environment-new activities-new taste preferences-new taste buds-COOL!

138.2. I?m sitting here in the quiet of my house at almost 9:30 in the morning. Odd! Ben and all 3 boys are still sleeping and so are the pups. Our guests have not arrived from the local hotel yet today. Rainy blustery day today, oh bother says Eyeore!

The day is sure to have some more hard conversations and a few tears. They just touched the surface last night. I?m letting the 2 younger boys stay home from school today to be involved in some of this processing with Ben?s family.

Speaking of alcohol, as you all probably know I am not much of a drinker. Have not been drunk for well over 20 years. That changed last Saturday. I had a glass of Reisling by the fire and the another and then the rest of the bottle! It was just the boys and myself and we were getting into some pretty deep conversations regarding Ben. By the end of the evening I was slurring words and bumping into things. Thankfully DS#1 has lots of experience dealing with intoxicated friends so he had me chug lots of water and take some ibuprofen prior to going to bed and surprisingly I didn't feel too bad the next day! The boys thought their Mom was pretty funny and I'm pretty sure the middle one took pics and snap chatted his friends! I don?t worry this will become a bad habit I have to break, thankfully!

I'm glad your sons are staying home. Right now that is more important than school.

I hear you on the wine! I haven't had more than 1-2 glasses previously and somehow there were 3 (maybe 4) last night. Not to be repeated (I am moving very slow today).

No long post today as I've clearly been run over by a semi a few times. But wanted to let you know I'm alive and he took off 11.1 pounds! Pics:

Mice never had that flat a belly in all my life! Can't wait to hurt less!

WOW!!!!! 11.1 pounds! Your tummy looks fabulous!

Thank you for checking in - I was hoping you would soon. Hopefully you will feel more comfortable soon.

Thanks, Liz!!

So glad it is over. What a wonderful thing.