Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Weight 115.8, calories 710. The weight finally dropped (I watched my sodium closely yesterday).

I NEED coffee, but have to go for my fasting blood test this morning. I'm getting DH up early to go for his as well. Boy, I do NOT like skipping coffee first thing in the morning!

We went to a different Alzheimer's support group yesterday (same organization, but closer to home). They meet more frequently plus they have a social activity in the weeks when there isn't a support meeting. I was apprehensive about whether DH would like it as most of the men are much further advanced (at least one already lives in a memory unit), but he had a great time and wants to continue going. I really enjoyed my caretakers group as well. All older than me but I found it very helpful. Generally I do better with group support than one-on-one therapy so this is good. We will continue with the early stage group once a month as well at least for now.

Cecily, if you are reading this, good luck today!

I need to go get DH up, get blood work and have COFFEE. Have a timely Tuesday!

160.0 this morning. Goal is to continue to stay under 900 cal until this last 10 decides to blow. I log "loosely"- for example, do not count milk in coffee, etc. I find this time around, my complex carbs run closer to the 50-60 range instead of uber low as before. Perhaps the increase in veggies is why my protein count is a bit lower, too (try for 65+ ). Moderation seems to set well. I like having food not be the all consuming end all of my day.

The scale discussion was interesting yesterday. Scales...definitely TOP of my frien-imies list. I talk with them daily--often not very nicely--we are not polite with each other--I do not leave anything to them in my will--they keep me accountable, and reflect a number, not my value as a person. Well, that is what I tell myself, and hope to truly adopt that truth fully someday.

To all with puppies, hubbies, babies, work to do, playtime to have, coffee to savor later, surgeries ahead (god speed, and hel well, Cecile), kilns to prep, and life to live---enjoy. It's all gravy.

You know the scale was ALWAYS my enemy for over 40 years. Though sometimes the number on it makes me a bit nervous, I see it as a "reset" button now. Once I step on it in the am, I am washed of the previous days indiscretions and can start afresh. Also, I actually find it stops my snacking at night sometimes when I realize that having something not needed will probably show up in the am weighing.

Our garage door opener broke on Thursday and we were out of town that night through Friday afternoon and did leave messages several places. It seems that our system was a spring inside a pipe rather than the dual side spring system, and the broken spring couldn't be fixed. After trying to get someone several days, I made the rounds of the local lumber yards this AM, to ask for recommendations (after driving DH to work so I could have his car). I got a couple of leads, and one person was coming to look at the job at noon, and when I got home, an overhead garage door company we had called stopped by and could convert to the dual spring system right then and there. Score ! Hair, pedi and massage today ! Triple score !

So grateful for this special place to share our truths and learn from insights, alternatives, modifications, differing views of others !!

Hi peepe

electricity is off due to ev charger install. I made sure I had coffee first.

cant type much on I pad. Hope all is well. Gl Cecile.

dh is in heaven ou****ching the electrician. Such a gadget nerd. I may have to get in old car and go to Starbucks for more coffee.

did not sleep well and electrician came early. At least the electric toothbrush is charged.

more later.

diane s

138.8

Today starts the day that Ben's family starts arriving. His Dad and his girlfriend and his brother will come tonight through Thursday and his Mom, sister, other brother and his wife will come on Saturday through Monday. The time will be bittersweet I am sure.

Cleaning lady came yesterday, the house looks great (for a little while anyway). Perfect sunny day and 80 degrees today. This weekend will be in the 40's - boooooooo!

Have a meeting with my counselor in about a half hour, so no time to chat much here but I did want to check in and let you all know I am alive and reasonably well!

Miss regular interaction with you all. It will happen again!

You have a lot going on. We are here when you need us.

Although I'm not reading here daily, I think of you often. Sending my love and a big dose of light to you and your family, Paula.

Oh, Jiminy Cricket!

This food thing is just getting the best of me this week. I am bothered that I am not upset. How messed up does that sound? LOL! I think it's time to write a new blog article on denial!

Took the kiddos on an historical walking tour of our downtown. For a northern CA city we are somewhat old - well over 150 years old because of the Mexican land grants that began in 1821. The city did not incorporated until the 1880s and it wasn't until then that the town became known as Walnut Creek. Up until then it had simply been called the Corners because the town was initially built around the intersection of two main roads in the county that was strategically located near a year round creek. (Okay, more local history than any of you want to know... Must be the teacher in me.)

Back to food. I really am quite thankful that Bonnie Miss150 (So, would you like to be Bonnie2 or BonnieMiss150 or ...LOL) is on the board. I marvel in knowing that you kicked the sugar, the booze, and the addictions of post VSG life to the curb. I came into VSG a former smoker and a former drinker (recovering alcoholic, if you prefer - again, "alcoholic" comes with such stigma that I tend to stay away from the word in polite company!). As I lost weight I began to see food as my primary addiction and perhaps the smoking, drinking, and much earlier drug use as a teen a transfer addiction. That left me dancing with my original sin - eating addiction at the end of weight loss.

When I think about it, it makes sense that I have so much trouble with my eating. As an addict who has kicked the two major life threatening addictions to the curb and then some, I have only my primary addiction left. For some time my transfer addiction was clothing and I got some great debt from clothes (none of which I can wear anymore!). I had to stop the over purchasing of clothing as my pockets were not deep enough and I started using credit and racked up several thousand in clothing purchases. I hate being in debt, so that came to a stop, too. Luckily, I paid it all off in a matter of months. Grooming money sure came in handy to make me feel over spending was okay. Turned out it wasn't! I've been really good ever since. So with all transfer addictions in check, the only thing (addiction) I have left is eating - inappropriately. And because there is a huge part of me that feels eating is "all I have left", it seems no wonder to me that I am not letting go of the sugar and other crap foods too easily. Makes sense to me anyhow. You????

Best be off. I could write a lot more, but should save something to ponder later in the day.

Hey there, Peps! Miss 150 or Miss B or B; well, just about anything...

I've read your post twice...thought about it...went to the kitchen and steamed some fresh garden asparagus....thought about it some more...Whew, the topic is mind boggling.

Now, this thought is funny in a very unfunny way. Part of my disfunctional thinking may have been in believing that I could separate my addiction into categories totally unconnected with each other. That way, when I wasn't compulsively overeating, and the happy drug of loosing all the weight was used up, and the food monkey climbed on my back, I could control it by playing the overspending card (yah, me too). When that activity got old, and the monkey again showed up, I used the alcohol card to keep me away from the food and be happy. The joke was on me. I found out quickly that I could play two cards...the booze and the food. You see, for me, it didn't matter which cards I dealt...the actual addiction cards didn't matter. It was the game I was playing...the addiction game. The monkey wins every time I think I can use self destructive behaviors to try to keep/make me happy (safe,loved,valued, entertained....fill in the blank with whatever you want).

Long story short my addiction is addiction. I have an addictive personality. The solution other than not playing the game? I don't know. It's all such a mystery. Maybe I should steam some more asparagus and think ponder some more....