Thursday May 3, 2018

OMG, I just pressed the wrong button on the screen and lost my post!!!!

Weight 116.8, calories 670. I need to continue keeping them low until I am consistently in the 115s because at maintenance calories I'd be high in my range still. I think my metabolism has returned to pre-WLS levels, but the sleeve does make a big difference in my hunger level thank goodness.

Today I am going to continue training Justice on the invisible fence. I think he will learn quickly as he was already wary about going near the flags after 2 short sessions yesterday with audible correction only. He is pretty smart.

The most work in getting ready to train was marking the fence with flags. It is a very large area and extends into a somewhat wooded area at the back of our yard. Duchess used to think she was in the jungle poking around in there. But in the 9 years since it was installed there has been a lot of scrub growing. I have someone coming today to estimate clearing that back to what it used to be and taking down some pines on our lot line that didn?t fare well this winter.

We also need our deck planking replaced. I thought we could put that off until next year but after sweeping the deck I realize it isn't safe to leave as is. The good news is that the guy who has done all of our improvements to date (including an addition) is only partially retired so can probably do it. I contacted him for a recommendation because I thought he was fully retired, but he said he would take a look whe he gets back from Florida in a couple of days.

I hope Ben's lecture tonight goes well. It will be an emotional time for everyone.

Have a thoughtful Thursday and I hope this Post sticks.

First, kudos to Cecily, Shel and Devon for being able to roll up ! I couldn't do that to save my life. Note to self... time to focus on your core.

Shel and Devon's interaction yesterday really got me thinking about why this time is different for me. What it really comes down to is patience, gratitude and living in the moment. In previous attempts to be healthy, I wanted instant gratification. If my weight stayed the same or went up, I was the master of knee jerk reactions. ( I can't do it, my efforts are for nothing, I might as well eat whatever I want... it doesn't matter anyway.) I focused on everything I didn't have and everything I couldn't do. The vicious downward cycle just amplified. My weight went up and I felt good about less and less.

Now, I try to be mindful of patience with myself and my progress. I can only do the best I know how to do in any given moment, and when I know better I try to incorporate that and do better. Effort does not always show immediately and progress often actualizes in places I wasn't looking. I try to be more holistic about recognizing progress over time/trends as opposed to saving mental images of failed attempts. Nothing is a fail unless I fail to learn from it. When I began to focus on everything I have done, can do and am working to attain and feel sincere gratitude, my whole life shifted to the positive. Bottom line... I now look at my health as a work in progress, not a finish line. For me, the head work is critical to maintenance of not only my weight but my positive outlook.

Dear Friend,

Your post today meant the world to me. So much of what you wrote touched me. I am able to relate with personal understanding to everything you said - especially about your knee jerk reactions to previous weight loss efforts. I still have a knee jerk reaction to see a good-looking fellow in good shape-especially one my age. The thought that flashes into consciousness is this: "I hate you." It happened the other day. I saw a man about my age coming out of the local chain hair cut place (Supercuts or some such place) with a MOP of thick, close trimmed salt and pepper hair, twinkling ice blue eyes and an athletic body. He smiled at me. And I thought, "I hate you!" That thought comes from absolute envy.

As you said, focusing on what I don't have. Focusing on what I am not is counterproductive. (Funny, in my career I regularly counsel teachers away from remediation because it focuses in on what knowledge children lack. Instead, I encourage a teaching style that focuses on what a child knows and for teachers to build upon that foundation! It is a definite 180 in traditional thinking, but a much more effective way for children to learn.)

Patience, gratitude and living in the moment. I thought about "living in the moment" and what that phrase means to me. If I live in the moment, I often succumb to my self- indulgence. You know, that Mick Jagger line, "Anything worth doing is worth overdoing!" So, for me I am going to have to think of it as, "being aware of the present". If I simply live in the moment, I can eat ice cream and pastries and cookies and chocolate without consideration for the future or the past. If I am present in the moment, aware of the present, I can consider the outcomes of my actions. That is what I need - to stop and question and actively decide how to behave, rather than to brush aside consciousness and succumb to my primordial drive.

Thanks again for your wonderful words this morning! They filled me with thought.

Weight at Dr. was 165 which means here it's probably 167. They said I was only up 5lbs. above prepregnancy weight (because they calculate it from my first appointment, at 8 weeks, when I was 160, already up 5). Whether 5 or 10, or 12, (since the scales are 2lbs. off), I think it's manageable. And I still think my goal of 10-12 by 4th of July (in 9 weeks) is doable. I don't want to take it too slow, or I lose sight of a goal. At the same time, it's hard for me to lose much more that 1/week.

What makes this time different? Interesting question!! I'm coming up on 8 year surgiversary in about 3 weeks. This is tied for my highest post-op weight (with last year before I started dieting down). I've never really been more than 15lbs. above my lowest weight. That helps me to be confident, but I have to be careful not to rest on my laurels! I know that, just like anyone else, my weight can creep back up. I do think staying near my goal weight helps because I've never had to *panic*. Panic sets off my old dieting mindset. That only ever caused me to gain weight. 8 years out, I sometimes still think like my former self, but I've also rewired some of that thinking. For me personally, it's key that I not deprive myself of ANYTHING. We are all so unique and different, so there are going to be differing approaches. But I never subscribed to "low carb." Not even in the losing phase. If anything, I call it "protein forward" (Though I agree with Shel how difficult in practice it is!! Even 40/30/30 feels like all I'm eating is protein, though during losing I strive for that!). I have leftover salted caramels from Valentine's, and mini Cadbury eggs from Easter, and a rotating candy bowl that is the highlight of my month to fill!! (grown men make a b-line to it when they come over!!). Something about this availability of the bad stuff makes it less appealing to me. It's always there, so no need to eat a ton of it. During maintenance I try to eat fairly intuitively with a few rules. In general I think I'm a fairly healthy eater, so that helps. And I almost never allow myself more than half a portion. The trouble with weightloss phase is that I find, no matter what I do, I'm going to feel deprived. If I'm in a calorie deficit, it's just gonna happen. I'm either going to be hungry, or missing foods I want. My sister prefers to eat large-volume diet food when trying to lose weight. I prefer never to eat large volume anything, and so I try to eat small portions, and maybe a little healthier of what I typically eat. I guess if I had to sum it up, I'd say the difference for me this time is that I'm not letting perfection be the enemy of progress!

We got Rebecca's 2 month appointment moved up (she's 7.5 weeks) so that she can get her shots before going on vacation. I was told the shots may take 2-3 weeks to become effective, but at least on the return she may have better protection.

We saw Avengers yesterday. Fun movie, but I clearly don't stay up on Marvel movies enough. Long movie if you plan to go, fyi.

Like you, I need a specific goal to stay focused. And I keep my mentally allowable range narrow so it isn't a big deal to adjust.

I do have to say that I don't think I've ever known anyone whose weight was up so little at this point after childbirth. Just use that as more incentive!

It is OFFICIAL! WHEY PROTEIN AND I ARE NO LONGER COMPATIBLE!

Perhaps I over did they whey protein for too many years? I don't know. I have had a protein shake each morning this school week. My gut reaction has been getting steadily worse. Today I wanted to make certain if I could tolerate the protein, so I drank the shake after my coffee on an empty stomach. 10 minutes later the cramps were unbearable. My teaching partner watched both classes while I ran off to pay homage to the porcelain god. My weight has also gone up a pound each day since starting the shakes. Coincidence? Who knows... Either way I am done with protein drinks.

I very much liked yesterday's discussion. Diane O's comments today also piqued my interest and sparked my thinking.

Some of my clients are beginning to go into panic mode. Makes me grin from ear to ear in a devilish way. I'm so bad!

Tee Hee Peps, your devilish thoughts make me think of the Mae West quote "When I'm good I'm good but when I'm bad I'm better". DS

Bummer on the whey protein! Can you eat other dairy without reaction? When I was a new VSG post-op, I developed temporary lactose intolerance to protein shakes. I had to chew a lactaid before every one. Now that I can eat regular food I can eat dairy to my heart's content, but I fear too many protein shakes lest I go back to those ugly days.

The only dairy that bother me is whey protein in shakes. I can eat a quest bar no problem. Mil**** cream, yogurt, not an issue. Go figure!

Maybe it's a concentration thing?