05/02/18 Wednesday

So interesting that you could stop drinking and smoking with a BOOM. That's really unusual. Maybe your body knew that it still had food, you would never deny it food. Until you did.

So many delusions with me, too. Even tho we are currently on different sides of maintenance, much of what you describe still rings true. (Can we stop with the ringing? When does the dinner bell stop ringing?)

I had that giddy, magical thinking when I lost All The Weight with weigh****chers several years ago. That didn't work out so well for me, either. This time, I was going to try to stay grounded -- to pay attention. Not go ostrich in panic. IT IS OK TO FEEL THE PANIC. That's when I said hello to this forum.

And where does magical thinking spring from? I am not (that) delusional in other areas of life, so why food? Is it my hungry micro-biome tricking me into thinking that I can eat just one cookie?

More questions than answers, I am afraid. I am going to hug the pack. They always have answers.

Thank you, my friend!

You wrote, "...Even tho we are currently on different sides of maintenance,..." And I shook my head in silent agreement. As I read more of your post, I thought, "Well, maybe not so much different sides as at different weight points...hmmm...." You're progression and growth sounds very familiar to me. Maybe we are more on the same side than one might imagine.

I think this weight thing is really more about coming to terms with our thinking about food and understanding our behaviors with food more than it is about the number on the scale or the size of our bodies. So, why I expected me to be accepting of myself and my faults as a thin person escapes me when I couldnt accept myself and my faults as a fat person. Make sense?

It does make sense.

I first wrote "different weight points" but was worried that might seem harsh in a written format....but it is exactly what I meant. THAT is why you are a full fledged member of this board. Not some sort of maintenance wanna-be. The weight point is just a number.

I will say that I am much more accepting of my other faults as a thin person than fat person, tho. When heavy, I thought that I compartmentalized "fat" from all other areas of life and pretty easily excelled in everything else with normal improvement processes.

However, now at maintenance weight, I do find that I simply don't have the self incrimination whirling around in my brain as I try to improve other areas of life. I didn't realize that until I typed it.....very freeing! Would I be able to hold on to that if I gained weight? I have little confidence that I could.

I am a work in progress.

Sugar has to be the most addictive substance ever (at least for some of us). I haven't eaten a donut since WLS, because I know I'll keep eating more until I feel sick. I try to stay away from things like that which are like crack to me because it isn't just a slippery slope, it is a highly polished and greased slope for me. The closest I get is bread and I still sometimes have to throw away leftover rolls that are too soft and tasty. I try to never forget the terrible stuff I would buy and eat in secret (hiding it in the closet).

sometimes a pay 1.69 for those tiniest containers of ice cream.

Yesterday, Ben and Jerry's pints were on sale so I bought that instead. I "only" ate 1/3-1/2 and it was particularly gross. (Yet, I still ate 1/3-1/2) I would have gobbled a plain vanilla, I think. I do like to think I have moved on from the taste buds of the average consumer that they use in their market testing.

I just threw away the rest of it.

Yes, sugar is a hard one. Nicotine was really quite hard, but again, for me once I did it, it was a BOOM! Done! Of course, I had a huge hypnotic aid! The guy I went to was simply fantastic. I went for one visit and never smoked again. (I did go for a follow up tweak about 1 week out.)

When I eat good low calorie veggies like broccoli or green beans, I don't even track them now. I consider them "free" foods (sort of like WW, but more because of Ann's experience in adding V/F to her diet).

Weight 167.2

I forgot to do a regular post today. To sum up the day, good on the food front, Pilates (did my first unassisted, ie no bands, roll ups today!), two dog walks, and a 6 mile walk on the beach where we saw an enormous school of dolphins - hundreds - offshore.

I connected on Instagram with a woman I saw on the OH conference panel on plastic surgery last year. She used my plastic surgeon as well. She was so nice! Answered a bunch of my questions and finding she lives about 20 minutes from me gave me her cell number and even offered to stop by to check on me. I don?t think she needs to do that, but it was awfully nice of her to offer.

Talk to you all tomorrow!

You literally rock! I immediately got on the floor to see if I can do a roll up. Yes I can!

But, that reminds me of something of when I went back to yoga after LBL. I had an almost electrical sensation when I rolled from side to side (so hip to hip, right over the seam.) It didn't hurt, but something definitely occurred, and for a moment I thought I had ripped something apart.

Of course all was fine, and my current thought it was perhaps a million little adhesions busting apart with direct pressure from rolling directly on the seam. Never felt quite like that again.

Your surgery is getting so close!

How special to see that huge school of dolphins. You must really love MI because it would seem hard to leave a place with huge schools of dolphins.

Oh my gosh, so close... eek.

That's so impressive that you could do them! Those are strong core muscles you have. I could get down unaided, but had trouble getting back up, so would use a band around my feet before.

I've heard tell of mystery post-surgical popping where the dissolving internal stitches break but not all the little adhesions. That sounds oddly satisfying...