Saturday, April 7, 2018

Late night greetings!

I was naughty and lied to a client that I was not feeling well and had to reschedule. Did I feel a little guilty? Tiny bit, but I'm awfully glad I did it! I was able to get to the post office to mail off my property tax, got to the bank and the tailor and had a relaxing morning.

Tank has settled in nicely and slept a full 9 hours without a peep last night. I'm sure he was awake on and off, but he was quiet and that allowed me a nice long session of morning dozing in and out of sleep until 9:00am. I needed that leisurely morning.

Interesting conversation about public posting of weight. Interesting to me how we all have issues around numbers to some degree or other. I become embarrassed as my weight increases. I don't mind the fluctuations when I'm at a weight at which I feel comfortable, but as the weight goes up, well... the embarrassment flourishes.

Yesterday when I was posting Ron asked what I was doing. He was baffled that my break was only two weeks. He finds me and my weight issues confounding. "I thought you said you didn't feel like you belonged there," said he, "and you weren't going to post anymore."

"I did take a break."

"How long?"

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks? You are so confusing! What changed in two weeks?"

I explained. He still didn't quite get it. It made me feel judged. Just saying...

Six years ago this coming July is when I reached goal weight. I did as so many suggest and got rid of all my FAT CLOTHES. ALL of them. Complete new wardrobe including many things I did not need. I spent way to much money on clothes. I developed a transfer addiction to new clothes - especially suits for dog shows. I have one suit that I never even wore. All those addiction shopping clothes are THIN CLOTHES. I have two suits that were my "fat suits" that no longer fit because they were purchased about 35 pounds ago. I decided that I wanted (and deserved) to have a couple of suits that fit well and in which I did not feel self conscious. I asked my BFF last night if he would mind going with me to buy a a suit and a blazer before we went to dinner. Ron chimed in with, "Like you don't have any suits!" It was meant as a joke, but a mean spirited one, in my opinion. I had told him why I wanted to buy the suits. His quip hurt. I thought that he at least understood how hard it is to admit to someone - even a spouse - that you need new clothes because you've gained that much weight.

Guess that bothered me more than I thought.

Hugs ! That's why I love this family of choice ! We all get it ! Keep sharing and peeling that onion !

Oh Devon -- those who haven't been where we are sometimes have no idea that their weight related comments can really sting and often have the opposite affect than intended.

This is so true. Many people are so much more neutral about weight, even if they themselves are carrying extra pounds.

About spousal quips: OMFG! That comment about suits would have sliced me in two but I would not have pushed back because my self loathing about weight was 1000x worse so I would have felt on some level that the comment was deserved. On another level (that had good self esteem), spousal resentment would be sky high. Lordy.

About clothes that fit: of course you need clothes that you feel good in!

About support groups/boards: I'm glad you are back but I totally understand the need for a break. My history with support groups is stained with such internal negativity that it is easy to imagine needing to take a step back for any reason.

About belonging to this particular group: Short answer, of course you do. Longer answer: struggle with regain (and its sidekick shame) is near universal in WLS patients. Those with any amount of regain "belong." No one has The Answer but I like to think that the journey of self compassion/awareness/understanding will be important for most of us. This group makes me consider issues within myself that I would never thought of. You provide a lot of that self-reflection and I hope that that the group as a whole can be a positive force for you as well.

What a wonderfully loving and supportive post to read first thing this morning. THANK YOU!

Yes, the comment stung at the core. My gut reaction was to retaliate with a like attack (he has plenty of clothes into which he can not fit), but I refrained and shoved down the feelings. And like you, there was a part of me that felt deserving of such a barb. Sigh.....

Me too what Shel said. Of course you must have clothes that fit and you feel good in. Yeah it can be disturbing to have to buy a bigger size but we all have to avoid the tyranny of the numbers and do whats right for ourselves. Proper fitting clothes make one feel good. And its hard that this barb came from DH. Probably best to move on and share here. We get it. DS

I know how hard that was to admit to others that you needed a new suit. And even moreso to feel that you deserved one. I'm not sure where that impulse to poke someone when they are reaching out or showing vulnerability comes from, but it sucks.

Go get that suit! Our current weight doesn't make us more or less deserving of taking good care of ourselves.

It is so hard to tell your spouse that you need to go up a size. I recently bought an XL in pants that I love. DW asked are you going to get underwear to go with those. Made me sad to tell her and made me sad that according to her I need larger undies too. Glad you came back.