Message from Devon

Hi all,

Thanks to Shel for posting this for me.

First, I wanted to let you now that one of the reasons I had to take a break from our board is that I hold the belief (right or wrong) that I don't belong in this group. It has nothing to do with you all, but is the result of my extra pounds - that in 2 years I have gained 50 pounds. In my brain I am not a successful WLS patient. My inner critic tells me I am a failure. My departure may have been reactionary, but I felt it was warranted even though I had a feeling of adolescent rebelliousness coursing through me when I made the decision. In fact, my shrink asked me if I had taken a break/left the group as a way of punishing myself. I don't know, but it sounds reasonable. It is something to earnestly consider.

I wanted to share with you, too, my virtual family, that my beloved Jackson is beginning his decline. We are going to manage day to day. Ironically, he has splenic cancer. However, at his advanced age (he's now 13 and old for his breed - not many Airedales live beyond 13), and the issue of his significantly advanced heart murmur I can't in good conscience put him through any treatment. It would be unkind to him and not in his best interest.

The cancer is advanced. He is stoic. Airedales are supposed to be. It is a breed trait. It sometimes makes it difficult to know they are sick. He has been doing well for months and months without a sign of illness. It wasn't until this weekend when he had gone several days without eating that he began to show any signs of illness or lack of vigor.

I am broken. I love this dog with my entire being. I am reaching out for a virtual hug. Though I'm not on the board, my heart is with you all every day. I will greatly appreciate your good thoughts for my boy. I ask for prayers for his comfort and for a peaceful end. I ask that you pray that I am blessed with the insight to know when to let my boy go and to know when he himself is ready to let go.

With gratitude,

Devon

Originally I offered to text your responses to Devon (which I can still do) but then remembered that many are friends on Facebook. So, let me know if you would like me to text response for you.

I saw his blog post early this morning and sent him a private message on FB. As I told him, my heart aches for him. Jackson is so important to him, so this is hard, hard, hard for Devon.

I would also like to beat his butt (euphemistically speaking) for leaving this group. He belongs here as much as anyone. IMHO, our struggles -- weight and otherwise -- do NOT all hinge on our having had WLS. Nor does our membership here depend on our daily, fluctuating weights. Nonetheless, Devon has a sleeve, and that earns him a lifetime membership in this group, by definition.

But I guess I could tell him that directly -- via a FB message. Rats. OK. I'll think about that.

Devon, if you have figured out to lurk, this is what happens when you're not in the room: We talk about you. xoxoxoxo

Well, well.... I guess that's what I get for leaving the board for a bit! LOL!