Tuesday, March 6, 2018

As you can see below Justice and I are color coordinated (his new vest and my shorts)!

Weight: 193.6

I have been extremely tired today! I actually slept really well 8 hrs. last night, and still needed a 2 hr. nap...and could use another! I did not go in to work today. I decided not to work-for-pay the last couple weeks of pregnancy but I feel guilty because there is still work to be done. I have been going in lightly some, mostly as a diversion.

DH and I are going to dinner then to a Thunder game tonight. Beats sitting around waiting! I think I've finally come to accept that baby is coming and I'm okay with that. I mean, part of my mind still doesn't believe it. But what I'm saying is I'm not clinging to pregnancy as much as I was. Not necessarily because I'm uncomfortable; I don't blame nugget, I blame colds and upper respiratory infections. But limbo is a strange place to be. I know it'll happen soon, and every day it doesn't happen just means it's that much closer. It's hard on this old control freak.

I'm also interested in getting my body back, and a little scared. I feel like I've stayed decently small. I haven't noticed any new stretch marks on my tummy tuck. The taut skin has made a few original ones more prominent. And twice yesterday I was told I couldn't be almost due because I'm so small! This encourages me. Maybe I'll bounce back. But still 35-40lbs. gained is going to take some amount of effort to get off. I'm ready for the challenge and mostly confident in it, but slightly exhausted by the thought. It has been so nice to eat and gain and not care lol.

I can't believe some of your snow totals!! We're very dry, warm, and WINDY here. It's not unusual for March to send us a heck of a curveball snowstorm, but it's looking like this year we've dodged it. I did get Nugget a coat only because it was 65% off take an additional 40%...the most adorable pink and black pea coat from Dilllard's for $6.50. She might not ever get to wear it, but it was a gamble I was willing to make.

I guess with not working I've been doing some extra thinking. I've been thinking about my upbringing and my grandparents and how very lucky I have been. DH helped DSD with chemistry review the other day and his memory bridge to help her remember the element gold was "AU, give me your gold watch." It worked for her. And immediately I remembered what my granddad told me: Barry Goldwater's election pins were AU H2O. Funny what your mind stores. Grandmommy doesn't remember that or hardly anything else about granddaddy :( Thank goodness I can recall that story to my dad or uncle and they do. I will say I'm trying to do a better job just embracing what is. Que sera sera. It doesn't really matter why grandmommy is forgetting things. And it does no one any good. I'm sure some of you can relate to this. I will say I'm very impressed that she remembers Nugget's name. At first I thought she had just written it down and was staring at it--which I told myself wasn't a big deal and was actually very sweet that she was making an effort! But then I'd call and she'd say "how is Rebecca and mommy doing?" and I don't think she'd be anywhere near her "cheat sheet." In any event, she's excited and that's nice. Wow, I'm talking a lot.

But I have more to say. I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. I've had a great life, both before and after WLS. Sometimes it's hard for me to describe. Did WLS make life better? Yes and no. Mostly I'd just say it took away an unnecessary distraction. Worrying about my weight was such a drain on everything. I'm sure I would've felt beautiful on my wedding day even if I'd been wearing a size 22. But it was so much easier that being a non-issue. I'm sure I'd be feeling most of the same emotions getting ready to have a baby if I were 300lbs.--but there would be some added doubts and fears. I'm thankful I don't have to think about those any more. I just get to live. Not as a fat person, not as a thin person. Just as a person. Does that make any sense to anyone else? I mean, I guess if we're being honest of course being thin makes some things better, but those things aren't super duper important. Like I think strangers treat me better. But real friends and people who love you don't care so much. Shopping for clothes is easier. Fitting into seats is easier.

It absolutely makes sense. You don't have to think about the extra hurdles caused by being obese and can focus on the important things in life like becoming a Mommy and a healthy one at that!

BTW, good deal on the little coat - I would have gotten it too!

The day got away from me without me finding time to sit down and focus enough to post. I'll plan to get back on track tomorrow.

Weather today has been very windy! 40+ MPH winds. March is definitely blowing in like a lion here.

Talk to y'all tomorrow.

Hi guys,

Nice to hear from BB. Not having ever been there, I don't really get it, but I bet getting ready for a baby that has been growing inside of you is unlike anything else. So much going on physically and hormonally and cognitively.... WOW! Just wow! You all may be the fairer sex, but I can tell you without a doubt you are the stronger sex!

Weight was up a pound today. Not sure why. No reason that I can put my finger on, so it must be on account of because!

Liz, do keep Justice calm and quiet the next several days. Honestly, the therapy is very dangerous, which is why they want you to keep him/her calm and quiet. If the dog were in my care, I would put it on a lead when it was not in a crate. I would take absolutely no chances that could increase either heart rate or blood pressure. A piece of worm breaking off can act just like a clot and cause a massive heart attack. I know personally a dog that died from the treatment. Justice won't really feel ill during the treatment, if not sensitive to the wormer.

After much deliberation, fact finding, questioning and looking inward, I have decided to have Keira's spleen removed. The surgery will give her about a 20-30% chance of long term survival. Doing nothing is a death sentence because the spleen will rupture whether the gazillion tumors are malignant or benign. My gut says they are benign. (I have reason to believe this - she had a growth on her spleen 4 years ago that the vet did not note rechecking during later ultra sounds. If it had been a cancer, she would have been dead easily 3 years ago...thus my hunch...) It's the right thing to do. It's as simple as that. It's the right thing to do. Boom!

Think good thoughts for Keira! Her surgery is tomorrow.

I am behind on getting things done in all areas of my life and it's not like I'm wasting lots of time to on the computer or being idle. I am a bit tired though.

I learned a new "word" yesterday: Sheeple. noun, pl. people who tend to follow the majority in matters concerning opinion, taste, style, etc...

I'd make the same decision with Keira if she were mine Sending good vibes up north!

Best of luck with Keira. I bet your intuition is right on with her. And thank you for the advice with Justice - he is great on the lead and sleeps in laps a lot but I'm afraid he might run or jump otherwise since he is feeling so happy and good.

All the best to Keira. Thinking of her and you today.

No Sheeple around here. DS