Monday, March 5th

Paula so sorry for your rough night. Of course Ben was upset. Who wouldn't be? Its good you feel able to step up to these situations and that must be a great comfort to Ben. I hope your work day is a gentle one and that you can get some rest tonight. Hugs and more hugs. Diane S

Greetings Monday Mavens

145.5 today. I made lime fish last night and made some brussel sprouts for myself. DH hates them. I nuked 3 of them cut in half for a couple of minutes then pan cooked them in a bit of butter. So very good but I ate too much and paid for it with a sore tummy.

Lots of busy work today - getting documents notarized and copied and shipped off, changing some appointments and finance committee for the gallery. Retirement is a myth - you just do work you don't get paid for.

Well we didn't even watch the oscars as DH didn't want to since we haven't seen most of the movies. Plus I think his real agenda is he wanted to watch this sci fi movie which he knew I would hate (I did hate what I saw of it but promptly dozed off).

BB we await that little Nugget. Not to pressure you but every day you don't post we think you are at the hospital. Wishing you a safe and good birthing experience.

So, Justice has a voice! Glad to hear it. Yeah I think dogs do recognize the sound of cars and steps. When I was in law school and didn't get home until late my little dog would go wait by the front door when it started to get dark. Here is hoping the skylight people don't make too big a mess. Maybe put down tarps or old sheets.

Shel I am sending some annotated maps to you today. It looks like a third grader did the notes but oh well.

Well the sun is out and the rest of the family is out for a walk. More quiet coffee time for me! Hoping those of you in cold places get some relief. Diane S

I'm home! The weekend with my sisters was incredible. In a good, good way. Very Southern Gothic. But so very, very good.

Paula, I've read today's (Monday's) posts and send you and Ben some tired but big old hugs! HUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSS!

BB, good to hear your voice above. Nugget's going to be showing up and drawing her first breath very soon. What an amazing thing to grow and birth a new person.

Talk to y'all tomorrow.

xoxoxo

Oh Ann, I am so happy that your time away was good. Nice to have you back!

Thanks so much for the kind words everyone!

I was "brave" and climbed upon the scale. The magic 8 ball gave me positive information. I was okay with the number I saw glowing back at me in the early morning light.

So, I am getting help in therapy, I guess. I mean we talk about things and how emotional issues affect my eating and my choices.

What is bothersome to me right now is that the past belief of being incapable of making change and being successful at maintaining a healthy weight is very strong right now. I can't quite pinpoint what-when-why-how the trigger was switched on. I am feeling (right or wrong) that this is the one area of my life I just can not manage. I had most of my stomach removed, I can't take NSAIDS with any regularity to help with some of my muscular skeletal issues now (though I do take it for my headaches because tylenol doesn't touch my headaches) and I'm still freaking FAT!

I am not asking for sympathy - honest. You know, I'm sort of sick of my own whining and dealing with this obesity issue. I'm having a bit of a pity party perhaps. I don't even know. I'm feeling just a tad disgusted with myself. I am imagining myself the poster boy of "Before - After - & After! REASON #13 TO AVOID WLS!"

I am not completely living in the doom and gloom. Yet, this one issue seems to infiltrate most other parts of my day. I haven't talked with anyone else about this latest turn in my self perception. Here it's safe. If I want to post and run and avoid I can. See... honest... LOL!

I'm not feeling the Jolly Fat Man tonight! But I am s******ing at myself with good humor about all this. Hell, a little self deprecation can be therapeutic and maybe my post might help someone feel not so alone.

Merry Monday, Peeps!

Hey Devon

Such an interesting post. For the first five years I followed the rules to the T, was not much hungry and thought those who failed at wls were self indulgent. But I too have been sliding and old habits creeping in. I theorize its ghrelin coming back. . At the same time I am way better off than before wls and would not go back for anything.

Years before wls when I was quite fat my shrink tried to bring up the issue of weight. At that point, I had given up on traditional dieting since it always seemed to make me fatter and just decided to enjoy food and F--- anyone who didn't like it. Even Dr, C said I might have ended up fatter if I kept yoyo dieting. But I always thought I had to be funnier, smarter, more accomplished etc to make up for being fat. What a big fat drag.

I have not found the sweet spot lately but I do believe that we need to accept some imperfections in ourselves. You may weigh more than you would like but you are fit and strong and a valuable member of society. That counts for a lot. There are thin people who are stupid, bigoted and have not teeth. Not sure how to get beyond the self criticism but we all gotta try.. Hug a dog. Take care. Diane S

DianeS, as always, offers the best advice. I'll underscore that this is, indeed a safe place. I'm glad you post and don't see you as whiny or looking for sympathy.

I'm going to bed. You should chase more sleep tonight, too. Right after you hug everyone in your pack.