VSG Maintenance Group
Tuesday, February 20, 2018
So, I have fat behavior stories from the weekend I really must write down properly and share. I have been neglecting the blog, so I should get on it. Seriously, I did some things that really illustrate my dysfunctions with food. For the life of me, I can't figure out why the behavior doesn't really bother me. 5 years ago I would have been a basket case, depressed and angry with myself. Today, I'm getting a kick out of my behavior yesterday. I suppose maybe the difference is I was fully aware of what I was doing and why I was doing it. But still.... I have to shake my logical head and my illogical, emotional self.
Well, according to WW, I have had basically 0 points today. Though, I have had 1/2 oz of beef jerky. I'm sure that counts at least a point or two. I figured I should log today, too, so I am going to do that.
I am learning that taking charge or control or responsibility for healthy eating is a rather long process for me. First comes the realization that there is a problem. Then I have to accept and admit that I really do have a problem. Then I sit back and deny that I must do anything about said problem. Next comes the awareness that the problem isn't going to go away if I ignore it, so I need to be actively dealing with it. Then I deal with feelings of sadness, fear, uncertainty and trepidation about what it's going to be like to deny myself those daily delights - which really are not delights at all because eating such "delights" are rote, automatic, nonthinking methodical actions at this point. A decision is made that something must be done. However, that is when the negotiating begins. When must it begin? Is it the proper time? Do I have the correct motivation? Are there upcoming events that would sabotage my healthy eating efforts and send me into a spiral attitude of "Oh, crap! I blew it! I'm such a loser! I can't do this, so why bother?" Negotiations end. Mourning begins. A day is chosen. Then it's pushed back, and then finally, finally everything clicks and the day is agreed upon by all facets of my emotional, dysfunction, stable, and logic selves.
I've been writing in fits and spurts today as I can grab a minute here or there. Just finished lunch. I have had a headache for about 8 days now. I think the lack of simple carbs and the absence of my long time comrade, Mr. Purecane, is kicking it back into a more noticeable gear. I can tell it's going to be an ibuprofen kind of day. So, if the absence of a substance to one's system causes withdrawal symptoms, doesn't that make it an addictive substance? Must look that one up!
Terrific Tuesday, my friends!
I'm baaaaaaaaaack! But I'm too tired to do much except react to what I've read this afternoon among some of the posts I missed while I was on the road, including these reactions:
If at this point anyone else tells me I look too skinny, I'm very likely to tell them to go **** themselves.
If anyone else says to me that my husband is now in a better place, I'm definitely going to tell them to go **** themselves.
If anyone else tells me they understand what I'm going through after my husband's death because their mama also died of cancer and they immediately launch into a description of the horrors of their mama's cancer, I'm going to tell them to die in a fire.
BTW, NONE of that happened at my husband's memorial service. It was wonderful. Twice as many people showed up as expected, and the restaurant and wait staff were amazing. Nobody could have known how much underwater paddling was happening behind the curtains. All my husband's seven surviving children and stepchildren attended, along with their spouses and many children, grandchildren -- even two great-great-grandchildren were there. It was just wonderful.
I'll catch up with weight, calories, etc. tomorrow. Right now I'm going to make a fika and work a crossword.
Good to be back with y'all. :)
A.
ANN 5'5", AGE 74, HW 235.6 (BMI 39.2), SW 216, GW 150, CW 132, BMI 22
POUNDS LOST: Pre-op -20, M1 -10, M2 -11, M3 -10, M4 -10, M5 -7, M6 -5, M7 -6, M8 -4, M9 -4,
NEXT 10 MOS. -12, TOTAL -100 LBS.
Oh, I love a feisty septuagenarian! You just drop that F bomb some more! It makes me HAPPY! Seriously, it is one of my favorite all time words.
Cute Story - My mama loved to tell this one, almost as much as I do! So... apparently when I was a toddler our neighbors fought loud enough for me to hear them in our backyard. The day after a particularly heated neighborly debate to my mother's horror I was marching around the house declaring, "FUCK **** FUCK!" Knowing my father would come absolutely unglued to hear his almost 2 year old son cussing like a sailor, my mother cleverly changed the behavior. She quickly stopped me and said, "Peps, you have it all wrong. It's not **** It's FUM! Don't your remember the giant in Jack in the Beanstalk? Remember he comes down and says, 'Fee, Fi, Fo, FUM! I smell the blood of and Englishman! Come, let's do it together!" And around the house she and I marched chanting Fee, Fi, Fo FUM!.
Quick thinking, clever Mama!
I spent the next decade, maybe longer, "Fuck" free. I really didn't adopt it as a favorite until I was in my mid 30s when I realized the word has so many varied uses. Given my profession, I don't get to use it as much as I might otherwise. Probably a blessing!
Welcome home !! We missed you !
Age: 64; 5' 5"; High weight: 345; Start weight: 271 (01/05/15); Surgery weight: 218 (05/27/15); Pre-Op (-53); M 1 (-18); M 2 (-1.5); M 3 (-13.5 ); M 4 (-13); M 5 (- 8); M 6 (-12) M 7 (-5, Xmas); M 8 (- 9) Under surgeon's goal and REACHED HEALTHY BMI 12/07/15!! (Six months and one week.) AT GOAL month 8. Maintaining at goal range (139- 144) ~ four (4) years !!
