Thursday, February 15, 2018

Weight: 129.4
Macros: Cals - 1,336, carbs - 160, fats - 35, protein - 66, fiber - 22
Veggies/Fruits (goal 8): 7
Sleep (goal 8 hours): < 5
Exercise: Aquarobics class

Yesterday was so warm - in the mid-60s here. More to-dos checked off. Today it'll be in the mid-70s. I can feel the earth stirring.

Last night I got less than 5 hours of sleep and am very tired.

What exhausts me, in addition to not enough sleep, is telling people who haven't heard yet that my husband died. That just wipes me out.

Yesterday's 7 servings of V/Fs came from carrots, spring lettuces, cherry tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, red/yellow peppers, and blueberries.

Yoga class this morning. I'm leaving tomorrow morning for the KC memorial service. I'm looking forward to it, but will be glad when it's over. I'll get home Monday afternoon, after seeing my therapist on the way back.

Today's theme: Pay attention. Be safe.

Weight 118, calories 717. I need to stay off the wine and extra snacks/desserts until I see something in he 116 area again. Easier said than done...

Ann, I'm sorry you had a short night of sleep. Hopefully your mind/body will let you sleep tonight. But perhaps you are anticipating the memorial service?

Today I get my hair cut and highlighted by someone local. I HATE changing hairdressers. At least she is at a well known salon and does the hair (well) of someone I know. Several of the ladies here go to Walmart, one cuts her hair herself, and at least one says she has gone to the same person for years and wouldn't recommend her!?!?

Oh! My new cushions came yesterday - I'll show a before/after picture once I take the after one! They were due early this week, then the decorator called and said they would be delayed until the end of next week, then she called yesterday morning and said they were done! Unusual in Florida to be surprised by an early vs late finish!

I was lying in bed for a couple of hours in the middle of the night after being awakened by DH who had jumped partially out of bed and seemed to be studying his mini calendar (which he won't get rid of). Don't know what that was about, but I got him a new clock which tells the day of the week and time of day in words (see below). It has become apparent that he can't tell time on a traditional clock anymore and isn't sure how to interpret a digital one. It arrived yesterday so I have to set it up.

Have a thankful Thursday!

Good morning,

My appliance (wall oven/microwave) arrived and was installed. Even I couldn't get my hackles up that they missed the 4 hour delivery window by 50 minutes. At least no one was shooting at my kid at school. And the two young men were impossible not to like on their own merits. Two dudes and a truck.

Eating yesterday was aok which is a win considering I was in the house almost the entire day. Typically, I do so much worse here than at work. I did have some goldfish crackers (to bond with DD) and a couple of homemade brownies (needed to prove the oven works.) It was my highest MFP day since I restarting tracking but still slightly less than 2000 cal.

Went to bed a bit later than I should and I can feel it. I can also feel my chest muscles from yesterday's workout which is weird because I really can't see any chest muscles. I see just skin and ribs. So, how does that work?

(The PS noted that if I let him give me boobs (fat chance) that I would no longer be "ribby". I told him the formerly fat like ribby.).

Liz, I like that clock. MIL had something similar for quite a while that was very helpful. Eventually, her "what day is it?" changed to "what do I care what day it is!"

Oh, got to run. Shel

Ann, hope you get some rest/relief. Do you have any early spring plants pushing up, yet?

No, no plants pushing up yet. But a lot of tulips, roses, and liles in vases and pots in the house.

But there are signs of spring here. I just meditated outside on the porch at sunrise (temp is in the 60s!), and so many birds are singing their hearts out.

And speaking of plants, yesterday my financial planner sent me a Valentine's bouquet. How kind of her to think of me on a day that could have been a rough one, eh? Now THAT'S the kind of financial planner we all need.

And a good friend in Chicago who's going to NOLA for a long weekend with some other girlfriends called yesterday to invite me to go along. I can't manage it, since it's only a couple of days after I get back from KC, and I'm not ambitious enough to think I could do two long road trips back to back. But, again, it was so kind of her.

There are a lot of kind people out there. Including y'all. :)

Taking our male Ragdoll to the groomer this morning for a bath and some major trimming. We'll leave his head /mane long, but the rest just has to be scaled back, as he gets matted to easily. Our backyard is one big puddle. (I'll post on FB). Two water loving labs, one large puddle, temperatures above freezing.. I see mud and drenched dogs in my future. I'll get in a long walk and a massage this afternoon. I'm trying to get a womens' walking group started at the VA. The campus is beautiful, but a real challenge to navigate for many of them. Finalized Airbnb, flights and car for April. Found a breathtaking condo on Solana Beach and some pretty decent flights. DH's PTSD medications continue to be adjusted. Agitation and anger continue to be issues. The positive thing is he's asking me to journal observations and specifics on how it impacts our life, to share with his psych.

Dave, keep posting those cuddling pictures ! I so envy that time, and lovingly recall all of those hours I was able to spend with my grand nephew. Ron came through, Devon...kind of redeems the fork story ! Cecily..hope the new genre worked for you. I'd love to connect when I'm in SoCal ! Shel, your wall unit sounds great ! Yes, another school shooting sure helps frame the "big deal...little deal" perspective ! Diane, hope you were able to enjoy your colonoscopy drugs...the best part of the procedure ! Ann... may these next few days bring you peace and additional sleep. Ann, Paula and Liz ... Valentine's day can be bittersweet for sure. Hold on to those fond moments as you continue to find your way.

Surround yourselves in light and love and "be safe". My heart goes out to anyone working in or loved ones attending or associated with schools.

Weight: 191

I ended up canceling dinner plans last night because DH came home sick. He protested and claimed to really want to go, but I could tell he felt sick and just didn't want to disappoint me. So we're going out on Friday instead! We watched An Officer and a Gentleman and settled for a frozen pasta dish instead. I reeeeallly need to get some frozen dinners prepped for after baby because fast food is getting boring. It's just worked out that we've been extremely busy this week between the weekend and showers and me not feeling well prior to that and then baby class on Monday and friend in town Tuesday.

It is so nice meeting up with old friends. Really feeds the soul. Our friend was visiting from Saudi Arabia. Boy does my life sound boring in comparison to this group of friends. I'll admit--I felt a little sad about all the things I won't be doing over the next year(s) with a baby. The friend from Saudi does awesome things every weekend, and most recently was skiing in INdia and came back to the states because he had a wedding to attend in DR. The friend beside him is about to embark on a 3 week trip to hike in Nepal. And two friends beside me were trading tips for RV-ing in Iceland. I definitely need to figure out how to travel with a baby because DH and I just love to travel and are already getting antsy to go somewhere again. It may not be as ambitious as Nepal, but babies are fairly resilient, right?

Liz-I love all the different things that are offered now for the aging population, and even memory-loss. Being around my grandmother has made me realize just how little we seem to understand their plight. Some things that are well-intentioned and better technology are just too difficult for her to learn. Heck, sometimes I feel that way. We need veeerrrry basic commands for her. Like on her microwave. It doesn't need all the bells and whistles. It simply needs a "plus 30" and basic numeric entry pad. She used to communicate with her daughter and sister via email but my aunt decided it was silly for her to keep paying for AOL...well now she never goes near the thing because she cannot relearn in Outlook or whatever :(

147 OTD. Calories higher (Valentine's indiscretions and all) at 1362 with 157 C, 59 F and 59 P. No exercise.

Going to see the school play tonight - Beauty and the Beast. I'm a little sad that DS#2 decided not to do it this time around. His last opportunity before graduating. He is ready to be done now though. Last night he asked if he could graduate early at the quarter. Lol, Senioritis setting in for sure! He check out a local beauty school and will submit his application soon.

Ben had his first immunotherapy infusion yesterday which in itself went well but at dinner time he bumped his larger abdominal tumor on the edge of the table and it hurt like h*ll and bled like crazy. He also didn't sleep well at all. Poor guy!

DS#1 came home from work crying last night stress and overworked. He is working 2 jobs right now (for only a few more weeks) and isn't getting a day off. He acts like he is the only person to ever work over 40 hours in a week - he probably has 52 hours this week. Of course in his stressed out mode, Mom gets the brunt of his ick and I get blamed for not saying the right things and "judging" him.

Ann, hope the Memorial is what you would hope for honoring the love of your life and I hope that you are all able to stay safe. Sorry sleep eluded you too! Have fun at yoga.

Liz, loved your Alzheimer's meme on FB! The clock seems like a good idea. Please build in lots of self care and some respite for yourself as DH declines even more.

Diane O, sorry that Chuck struggles so with PTSD. I have a local friend that deals with the same with her DH (who is a veteran and has PTSD from the war). It is a good sign that he wants you to journal and see how a therapist might help.

Shel, the fake boobs do take care of the upper chest ribbyness - so does gaining 20 lbs. - Boooooooo! At least I still have collar bones that stick out!

Devon, loved your V-Day surprise from Ron. DH and I just exchanged cards and he gave me some chocolates which I promptly brought to work so my co-workers will eat them instead of me!

Bonnie - yes babies can travel. We have one of those crazy families at church that has 9 kids and the nursing baby at the time goes everywhere with Mom - meetings, bible studies, hiking, camping, mission trips etc. They really are wonderful parents and all of their kids seem so well behaved. They must be the kid whisperers. I could learn a thing or two from them!

You are doing so well! Even with V Day I would guess your calories were under maintenance. I packaged up the Valentines brownies and put them in the entry way so that DD would take them to the orchestra kids. I wish I would leave stuff like that alone, but I won't.

I'm sorry about Ben's bump....what a consequence of bumping oneself on a table!

Day 3 of my headache. Booooooo! I woke up at 5:00 am and could feel it. Finally got up just before 6:00 and took two Ibuprofen. (Yes, I take it. Tylenol doesn't even touch my headaches. Tylenol is pretty much a useless drug for me.)

Headaches......Hate them! Such a pain. Luckily, I no longer get honest to goodness migraines. I do get something called an ocular migraine. Had no idea it was a headache. It just felt like someone had stuck a hot toothpick through my eye into my brain. I thought there was something wrong with my eye. Couldn't open it outside without stabbing pain. Nurse practitioner told me it was a headache. I argued. She asked me to trust her and treat it a specific way and if it wasn't better in 2 hours let her know. Damn her! She was right! I was stunned. Now I know what to do when it happens.

Weight is stable. I seem to fluctuate in a .6 range lately. Just under my absolute panic limit yesterday. Back down the .6 or so today. You know when you have a number that you just can't see on the scale without having a coronary? Well, I'm rather close. As you all know, I've been close for a while.

I am trying to ignore my perceived negatives of having a birthday. It is hard sometimes. I do not mind the getting older part, but I mind not accomplishing things, e.g. weight loss, singing, scheduling free time....

Instead I want to focus on the positives like: I am not sore this morning after a pretty intense workout yesterday 3 sets of dead lifts (135 pounds- lower since I'm building back up after a break), 100 pound SLOW machine rows, incline dumb bell press (50 pounds each hand), and 20 hanging knee raises. I am generally healthy, have a roof over my head, some money in the bank, a supportive relationship, a good and rewarding job (though frustrating at times), and some very good friends with whom I share this journey!

So, here's to turning 54!