Saturday, February 10, 2018

Weight 117.6, calories 814. Weight sinking down very slowly. It seems like the further out I am from surgery the slower I can drop down after indiscretions. I had a feeling that might happen...

Today we get training on dog walking at the animal shelter. DH has to do the orientation part first. I may ask if I can check out the facility more closely while he does that to get the lay of the land a bit.

Paula, I hope the immunotherapy will help Ben and he will feel better without the chemo. He deserves some quality time with you and your family.

Have a satisfying Saturday!

Weight: 129.6
Macros: Cals - 1,641, carbs - 194, fats - 45, protein - 102, fiber - 32
Veggies/Fruits (goal 8): 9
Sleep (goal 8 hours): 6.5
Exercise: Aquarobics class

Yesterday's V/Fs included spring greens, cherry tomatoes, black beans, carrots, potatoes, green beans and another fine Bosc pear (again with blue cheese).

Yesterday I went to the pool and did some housekeeping, but otherwise took a personal day. I'll admit it wasn't a great day.

A postscript about alcohol ... last night I worried that yesterday's (overlong) post on the subject sounded self-righteous. I really, really, really don't feel self-righteous about alcohol or how I (currently) drink. If I had my druthers, drugs would have no repercussions other than good ones, and I could do them all. But now I'm a bit more focused on alcohol sitting here amidst one of life's great tipping points and feeling so vulnerable. Sometimes I have a great urge to run away on a big gap year.

But what I really want to find (and what I need) is balance. I want to live again, comfortably, in that space between routine and risk, between contentment and adventure. I'm like Alice in Wonderland, staring at the mushroom, wondering how much of each side I can afford to nibble without growing or shrinking too much.

This morning I'm going to a different yoga class to check out what "the kids" are doing with yoga. Taking a class from a young person who hasn't had decades of training/teaching makes me a tad uneasy, so I'll be careful not to injure myself. I guess I'm going to nibble at a different side of the mushroom.

Finally, I'm gingerly looking forward to today's charity luncheon, although it will be full of people who know about my husband's death. I dread fielding comments and questions like "OMG, I had no idea he was that sick!" "How did he die?" "How are you doing?" I'm practicing saying "Thank you" and steeling myself for a lot of dead-Mama stories.

Today's theme: "Thank you."

"Space between routine and risk." YES!

I didn't think your alcohol post sounded self-righteous. Even if alcohol didn't come up in real life, the shouting about it on OH would be enough to get anyone's attn.

Good luck with both luncheon and new yoga. I took a studio class recently, the first one in a long time. Perfectly lovely, so well crafted. That particular teacher always has one singing bowl with him that adds a delightful layer to the practice. He does occasional sound baths where he has all his bowls (I dunno, maybe 15?) for an hour workshop. The participant's "work" is to lay there and let the vibrations wash over.

Now I want a sound bath.

(((Hugs))) to you my friend. Sorry you had a rougher day yesterday....better days are ahead! A Gap year sounds great! One of our friend's daughters is doing one this year (two missions trips - Africa and Haiti) and is really finding herself and growing! Not that you still need to find yourself, but I think we all can discover new and interesting things about ourselves and life, no matter our ages!

Have fun and the new yoga and the luncheon!

I'm sorry you had a down day yesterday though sometimes I think it is good to allow them. When I was grieving for my daughter I found it difficult to always try to be functioning for my remaining children. I wished I had some time to just be alone and feel like ****

I absolutely appreciated the discussion on alcohol yesterday (which I started as I recall). I respect all your viewpoints and feel that it is very helpful to be able to have that kind of open talk here and not feel judged (as happens at times on the regular forums).

'I want to live again, comfortably, in that space between routine and risk, between contentment and adventure.' Sounds like a wonderful place to live. May you find balance.

Good morning!

According to my scale, the sun will make an appearance this morning! Cecily, love those sunny pics. The whale was nice too. Maybe I'll make a plan to take a ferry to the peninsula -- easy way to get in a boat ride and potential orca sighting. It is even wetter over there, complete with a rain forest. The atmosphere has the feel of a watercolor, or so says my imagination.

Paula, fingers crossed for improved effectiveness and tolerability.

Alcohol: As my weight when up, my alcohol intake went down to save calories. Fat lot of good that did. DH teeters on having a problem (or so says my worry.) His family tree is infested with alcoholism. He abstains the first couple of months of every new year. He is nicer without it. I'm nicer when he is without it, too.

On tap today: 6 am gym workout and then will get out to Tiger mountain for a hike after breakfast.

Do any of you use Alexa or similar home device? I rather like Alexa tho I don't make full use of her. Right now I'm using her to find fresh music to load on my phone.

Hug that skinny!

Shel

I bought and Echo Dot for Ben at Christmas. We mostly forget that we have it. I bought a smart plug to go with it, but not sure which appliance to use it with. At first I thought the entertainment system but that just seemed silly since we have remotes to control all of that stuff!

I'm in awe at the level of physical activity you do in a week. Good for you my friend!

I bought two light bulbs which live in the living room. It took me a full year to figure out where to put them. Those two lights were lights DD always left on overnight before Alexa was involved.

I enjoy the activity....sometimes I wonder why I am not in better shape given the amount of time invested!

Weight yesterday was 186.8, a drop. I fear I've become dehydrated from being sick :( Although there's still a part of me secretly wishing it's a real weight.

Liz-Do you mean it's harder to lose weight the further out you get from surgery? I'd say that's true. Idk if I just got more lax, or if my metabolism changed or what, but it really seemed like the first year or two were a honeymoon where I could do no wrong. And then suddenly calories mattered. But that also coincides with the timing of probably eating a little more, drinking more calories, etc. So it's hard to tell.

Speaking of drinking-interested discussion on alcohol. Like so many other things, I think it's hard to tell where moderation is. It's often hard for me to judge that--food or alcohol--because I'm too close to it. I definitely don't think it's a "problem" for us, but I guess that also depends on what you mean by problem. Because my wine drinking definitely started to impact my weight. But I also think enjoying a glass or two of wine can be healthier than some of the binge drinking that goes on. I enjoy pairing wine with food and I like that it can take the edge off but I typically wouldn't drink wine to get drunk Hmmm lots of food for thought.

I believe I received a lovely gift from Diane O.!! Please confirm! It was a bit confusing because I think I got the right package but someone else's note lol!

I'm still suffering from this cold. I think I may be starting to mend though, thank God! We had maternity photos scheduled for yesterday and I reeeeally wanted to keep them because the weather was gorgeous for February, and honestly we're running out of time lol. But a strong cold front blew through about an hour before our session, complete with strong wind chills. It was miserable, especially for me already being sick. I had to call it quits early, actually. But I did get a sneak peek and I'm already so thrilled. I wasn't sure if it was totally silly to do this, but now I feel confident in my decision. I think this image alone really helps my body positivity journey, ya know? And that's worth so much!!