Tuesday February 6, 2018

Weight: 188.6

Cold here but looks like threat of snow/ice has dissipated. Sort of sad to have no snow this season. Especially after how cold it's been.

Yes flu seems particularly bad this year. I'm one of those people who never gets the flu shot, never gets the flu. And now this year I get the flu shot and apparently it's ineffective. Well at least I can say I tried. In the meantime, pass the hand sanitizer.

I've had some frozen tilapia in the freezer for probably over a year. Idk why but the idea of going home and making fish is depressing. But I fiiiiinally made myself try a recipe I've had dogeared for ages: broiled tilapia with thai coconut curry sauce. Dang it was good. I started thinking maybe I could make extra sauce and then freeze in ice cubes or something. Just broil tilapia and serve with reheated sauce. Serve over cauli rice for an extra healthy version. So now I'm spinning off wondering what all other kinds of sauces I can freeze. Chimichurri I know. Pesto I know. Cream sauces may not freeze/may defeat the purpose. But I'll still be looking into others. And not just fish.

Ahhh David. I think we are cut from similar cloth because I cannot think of anything better than sitting in a rocking chair and enjoying chocolate meringue pie. Not with the pie again!

Flu shot is never a waste. (Admittedly, I am indoctrinated). Even if you get the flu, it can shorten the duration and/or lessen the intensity.

I'm rather bummed about our mountain snow melting prematurely. I am from the midwest. I need seasons!

Talk about needing seasons! I read this the other day: "If Los Angeles reaches Feb 19, 2018 without a significant rain event (as currently appears plausible), there will have been only a single day with more than a third (0.33) of an inch of precipitation in the preceding 365 days-a full calendar year." It's soooooo dry here!

OMG, I can't even imagine! I would like to say I'll stop complaining but that would be a lie but I'll definitely turn down the volume.

I'm going to get out for the sake of getting out too.

Weight 164.4

I'm heading out for a hike this morning. Sort of proud of myself for going when no one I know is going. I nearly backed out, but I'm trying to be a grown up and recognize that exercise is important for maintaining.

Hope you all have a great day!

Good for you! Does "hiking" from the car to the beach count?

I think anything where you're not sitting on the couch counts!

149 OTD. 960 calories yesterday with 118 C, 39 F and only 58 P. Walked at lunch yesterday and got 30 in on the treadmill today.

Off to see the dermatologist about the little bump in the area he did the MOHs surgery on last Spring. Hoping I don't need more surgery.

Counseling appt. isn't until 5:00 this evening, so nothing to report there.

Happy Tuesday Friends!

I don't know why I feel soooo busy lately. I know I am, but I am having trouble finding time to keep up with everything, which in turn makes it almost easier to procrastinate, because I am feeling never caught up. There is always something else pressing that needs to be done. I don't know if I used to just ignore the stress and just broke down periodically (which I do, did, have done) or if I simply coped better with it being younger. Maybe, I'm just more aware and that is the issue. I don't know exactly what has changed in my awareness, but I can see I need to continue to make "time" a priority for myself. My schedule is still far from what it needs to be for calm and peace and self care.

Met with shrink yesterday. Was fine, but I was tired and I felt it in my eyes. I kept closing them while I spoke and thought. Shrink approached the subject of nutritionist again. I told her that while I understood her push, I simply could not add another thing to my plate. That statement led me to look at the fact that eating well takes work and planning. I am resentful that it takes work and planning to eat. I know, Pitiful Paul, right? But when I thought about it, it made sense. I am feeling taxed just getting through each week with what is already on the docket. Adding a nutritionist, more accountability and something more to plan and execute (meals, shopping, prep, logging, etc...) will take a lot of time. I find I don't think much about my eating in the way I once did. I don't obsess or spend a great deal of time thinking about food. Shrink asked me yesterday how much time I spend each day thinking about food. She offered, "70%, 80%,????) I shook my head and said, "No, more like 5-10%." I'm being honest, too. Part of my problem is I have taken to eating what I want, when I want it and am not logically thinking through consequences or "armed with a plan" for any occasion. I understand the rebellion of this behavior. My food, my eating had been controlled by external forces for so many years that I still want to look at everyone who has any opinion about my eating, my weight, or my food choices, my binge behaviors, and say **** YOU, grab a cookie a pint of ice cream and a thing of whipped cream and dig in like a pig just to prove the point that I can do whatever the heck I want to do as far as food goes. Sigh.....

Oh, I have more to rant, but time to pick up the kiddos..... Oops.... forgot to send after lunch.... So here we are close to 2:00.... See, no mind.....

HUGS!