Monday, January 29, 2018

Weight: 130.0
Macros: Cals - 2,039, carbs - 216, fats - 81, protein - 99, fiber - 29
Veggies/Fruits (goal 8): 6
Sleep (goal 8 hours): 6
Exercise: Walk in the country

First, the slice of carrot cake: 700 calories, 87 carb grams, 36 fat grams, 7 protein grams, and 2 (only 2!) fiber grams. Jeez, Louise! The cake tasted OK for the 30 minutes it took to slowly eat it. But then I started feeling like crap, and the sugar hangover lasted at least four hours. The experience reminded me of the 1960s when friends would get together and do a weird drug none of us had done before just to see what would happen, and afterward we'd say, "Well, check that one off," and we never, ever did it again.

Yes, Devon, we aren't "normal." At least, I'm not. I can't easily tolerate the presence of sugary, carby foods in the kitchen like your Ron can. For the Rons of this world, Pepperidge Farm cookies and balsamic vinegar have equal appeal. But not to us born with ultrasonic hearing.

The morning my husband died, my sister and I came home and threw out all of his cancer and other prescription drugs. Then I threw away cookies, candy, crackers of all kinds, and other processed, high-sugar and high-carb foods I'd laid in to encourage his appetite. At that point, I had no idea where my grief might take me, and I wanted to make home as safe as possible.

Like Shel said, billions of human beings are now susceptible to calories that are too-easily sourced. And food can't get more easily sourced than "already in the kitchen." That's why I'm a big fan of the Don't Bring It Home policy.

On a related note, I used to pooh-pooh AA and other twelve-step programs. But I've come to appreciate the value of repetition, positive self-talk, and focusing on one day at a time. After all, one day at a time is the only way anyone gets to live. And by honoring that truth we also get to enjoy the other benefits of being here now.

Enough about food! My sister's going to spend the night with me. Tomorrow we'll get pedicures. I'm looking forward to all of that!

And more good news ... yesterday one of my BFFs called to invite me to join him, his partner, and other friends on a Mediterranan cruise in July. He also asked me to join them in August at a beach house they rent every year on North Carolina's Outer Banks. It's more than good to have things to look forward to.

Yesterday's V/Fs again came from carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, black beans, and (if you count the carrot cake) a few more shreds of carrots.

Today's Theme: One day at a time.

Weight 117.8, calories 1017. I need to keep calories low this week and/or have a good bathroom day soon.

Ann, that's great that you have some fun things to look forward to. You need that. Getting out of your home environment can be therapeutic (I think). Funny (sort of) that the entire piece of carrot cake didn't agree with you. I have found that when I overindulge on sweets too. You'd think it would stop it altogether...

Today I have my personal interview for the animal shelter, then I have to do the bills I didn't do yesterday. I got about half what was planned yesterday done, so it is good that it is another overcast day.

Going out for my walk shortly. Have a maintaining Monday!

Yes, sugar hangovers help me answer the question, "Is it really worth it ?" That is a much different question than, "Do I really want it" ? The challenge for me is honestly remembering how crappy sugar/carbs made me feel after the initial taste. I lived so long with that instant gratification and no residual after effect other than morbid obesity, which I numbed with more sugar/carbs. Like Ann and many of us, I just can't keep certain items in the house. Those items fluctuate. For a period of time, I could have one or two squares of great dark chocolate as a treat at night. The allotment grew to three then four, then I saw it was becoming a gateway to carb crazings (not a craving for me...a crazing for sure!) That's about when I found Halo Top, which I have not abused. Skinny Cow, Weigh****cher desserts... I could eat way more than a serving and craze more.

When I was walking in the sunshine yesterday, I was struck by how good my body felt moving. I kind of got in the zone with that feeling. There was a rhythm to my muscles propelling me smoothly. The synergy I felt with my mind, body and surroundings was palpable. I typically only get into that special place when swimming and/or with music. When faced with "Do I really want it", I aspire to consider the nutritional benefits, potential to craze, and the degree to which that food opportunity helps or hinders that synergy when I answer the question, "Is it really worth it ?"

Will that always work ? No Is that what I always do ? No Does my mind try to trick me by remembering the instant gratification LOUDER than the longer term residual effect ? Absolutely ! As I approach three year surgiversary in May, fortifying my defenses for avoiding crazing, one choice at a time.

Good morning, all!

Ann! We are going to have to get that Appalachian trail on the calendar before your IRL friends book you solid. I imagine that all over the world people are googling "Places to go with Ann."

If only I would get sick from carrot cake and check it off forever. Been there, done that! Made me sick! Woo-boy, it would be crazy to do that again!

This drives me back to an old theme of finding pleasure in other things. I do over-spend somewhat and my house cleaning suffers......but my extra-curricular physical activities are something I truly enjoy and keep my brain busy and my body healthy. And, it honors being here now. So grateful for that.

Now, go have fun,

Shel

Greetings Maintenance Sojourners

144 today in spite of quite a bit of mixed nuts yesterday. Good thing I don't like the brazil nuts. I went to the drug store to get a new home BP device and came home with that plus the can of mixed nuts. Impulse. I should not have brought that home.

Well Ann, glad you had your cake and got over it. Sweets can make me kind of sick too. Its the crackers and dip stuff that get me. Hey, its so great you are invited on the cruise and to the outer banks. We al know you are a wonderful person and its so great you have friends that are there for you. I have been thinking I need to rekindle old friendships lately. You are right, there is only the moment we live in. One dessert at a time .... er......one day at a time.

Well I'm with Devon on the trail. Bugs, heat etc. Yuck. No camping for this kid.

Devon I am glad you got the new bed of your dreams. Sleep is important and hence so it mattress.

Diane O, love your comments on how good it feels to move etc. I must get into that feeling. In the past I have been able to do it for a bit and then it leaves me.

Tee Hee Liz, I am imagining somebody putting a blouse on your mermaid statue. If it were me, I'd put pasties on it.

Devon glad the dog show was fun. BOS is a big deal indeed. My breeder was there with a couple of her borders. No word on what they did.

Lots to do today - make appointments, gather financial statements, go to the big town grocery store, check out the art studio, clean out the car, laundry, prepare for DH eye tomorrow etc etc.

Well off to open some doors. But first, more coffee. Diane S

Her hair kind of acts like pasties, LOL!

Weight 165.6

Yesterday's food was better until I got to the end of the day and ate a whole pint of Halotop. It wasn't even that good. I need to stop buying it. But I was still down 2 pounds today, so that's a plus. Doing well so far today. I feel like if I string together a few good days, I'll feel much more in control.

It's HOT here today. 87 already and it's not noon yet! I tolerate heat much better as a thinner person, but it still saps all my energy...

Hope you all are having a good day!

Oh, were it so that I got sugar hangovers! Years and years ago I went on WW and lost 30 pounds in about 10 weeks. I guess I didn't eat any sugar during that time. Sometime after reaching my goal and becoming a Lifetime member (LOL! - like that worked so well...) I went out to Fenton's with my BF/partner at that time. On the way home I had to open the car door on the freeway (back east equivalent of Turnpike) to vomit. The cream and sugar was just too much. I have since VSG made myself ill from too many carby sweets, but sadly I do not get the "hangover" anymore as I once did. I'm like the alcoholic that keeps just enough booze in his bloodstream that he never really gets sober or has a hangover!

Taking another step tonight. Taking Ron out for his B'day today. AT dinner I will talk with him about getting serious about our food consumption. Ron does need to lose weight, too. However, as I've said, his issues are not at all like mine. He is at the age where calories have started to count much more than they used to. He still likes to eat like he did when I met him in his mid thirties and was very active. He can eat more than anyone I have ever met - except his brother and father - but I swear he had the metabolism of professional soccer player on speed! But now in his mid 60s, calories count.

I'm not sure how we will work it out, but I know it is time for me to make an effort.

I THOUGHT about logging on Livestrong today. Maybe I will. We will see. I don't know how to log my lunch. I have never been good about figuring out how to log restaurant food. I have 5 pieces of Szechuan chicken, 2 TBS rice and a pot sticker. (Okay, not the ideal VSG lunch, but it's what we had, AND y'all know I've not been in the groove... See? I'm making excuses for what I'm eating because it's not "VSG approved" food! I promise to at least give it a try....

My thoughts are sort of scattered today... not sure why... perhaps a very restless sleep is the cause. I can't even count the number of times I woke up last night. I would guess at least a dozen.

I like the one day at a time theme. I shall use that for a while. It is sensical and wise.

149.2. Calories 1,361 - 186 C, 59 F, 78 P. No exercise.

My stress level is through the roof. I think I will try to connect with a counselor soon. Never really went to counseling except for a short period of time after a broken engagement. I think the time has come to do so again.

Started taking over paying the bills last night (DH has done all of our finances since we have been married - almost 21 years). As I was looking over the first bill (my main credit card) I noticed many charges that I did not make - Taco Bell, Shell gas station, Mc Donald's, Walmart, Shopko, Piggly Wiggly. DS#1 has been stealing my credit card and using it to but food, gas etc. and then putting back in my wallet. Ben didn't look at the expenditures when he paid the bills, he just wrote out the check. It breaks my heart. I feel so very violated and sh*t on. When confronting him we hear the same ol' story. He doesn't feel supported (WE are at fault, not him), he hates his life, he wants to die. Of course he refuses to take meds or seek counseling. And I fear I will have a lifetime of bailing him out of one failure after the next. I very much want to kick him out of the house, but then he will be homeless on the streets with mental health issues. Not a good combination. I don't need this extra stress. My chest hurts!

Paula

Oh Paula, I am so sorry.

Please seek counseling now. You might have someone that you know, if not please go thru your EAP (employee assistance program) EAP can frequently get you hooked up with someone (initially even at no cost) very, very quickly. You need help navigating. You need support for you.

This is just too much, tho really nothing has changed, you are simply now in the know. I am very sorry. For now, just pay the bill, but make the call to counseling, too.