Wednesday, January 24

Hi Shel, Hope your cold gets better. Good for you for tracking!

My daughter did get a haircut, and it looks adorable on her. Many of her friends have gotten short haircuts. Some of the cuts, like her BFF's are pixies, other are very short on the sides, with longer bangs. The girls with the very short cuts are also struggling with their sexual identities. I just had a moment or realizing I have more processing to do. Paula suggested it is mourning my vision of what my girl's life would be like, and I think she's right. I'm doing better now with everything. I guess it's all a process.

Tis the season for flu and cold. Hope you can rest up and feel better soon. I'm eager to see some snowy hike pictures.

I always loved those skits on SNL Paula - I'm dating myself too! I wanted to thank you for helping me to figure out what was going on the other day when my daughter was getting her hair cut. I guess what I was going through is normal and I shouldn't feel guilty. But, for most of my life, guilt was my middle name - still is at times, as it's a hard habit to break. I really appreciate the support!

I missed posting yesterday. I went to do so, just before bed, and found DH had already turned of the computer, so I just went to bed. I'm home early from work today, as I was yesterday. There was no school, due to a snow, ice, and rain storm, but younger DD is also sick. The dr. thinks it's cat scratch fever, of all things! I thought that was just a song, not a real malady. The dr. thought it was from the wild child kitten we were house sitting, as it takes a couple of weeks or more for symptoms to develop. DD had gotten quite a scratch from her. She was going to go to school today, but had a temp this morning and was still dizzy, though she's doing better now.

Food has continued to be within boundaries. I made a low carb enchilada casserole last night and it was good. DH liked it to, so I'm going to try out some more low carb recipes. Have a wonderful Wednesday all! Hugs, Mary

Wanna share that enchilada recipe perhaps?

Hi BB, Here's the site I got it from. It talked about making an enchilada sauce, but the recipe must have been somewhere else. I just bought a can of enchilada sauce and it was fine. I haven't checked other recipes by her out yet, but plan to. I've favorited this site and a couple of others. delish has something like 150 low carb recipes to try out.

https://www.lowcarbmaven.com/low-carb-mexican-chicken-casser ole/

Looks like the first try worked after all. Weird! :)

Here's the link. Hopefully, this time it will work, as I got an error message when I first tried to submit this reply.

https://www.lowcarbmaven.com/low-carb-mexican-chicken-casser ole/

Yes, David ... come back, come back. We miss you. :)

I'm up again! Like a hobbit, I just had a second breakfast. Even excluding my first arising for tea and typing, I got about 12 hours of sleep last night, my norm is 6.5 hours

I just read somewhere that a "label is hard to remove." This comment nothing to do with weight but it got me thinking none the less.

Yesterday, a Starbucks barista again brought up my "remarkable transformation." I was always amazed that she recognized me when I started stopping by on occasion after weight loss. I truly like her, too. But, can we drop my label? I have been this size for over 2 years.

Also, new for 2018, I am no longer disclosing my medical history to people that press for details. This comes up over and over at work. I try to shed my label by saying "I have been many sizes over the years" (which is true) yet it seems only one label stuck.

But what about my own self labeling -- the most insidious of all? As I log in MFP again, (30 hours straight! Look out DianeO!) I am struck at how much my brain had deviated into old thinking, more than I had realized.

It would be so easy to slide back into ancient patterns that match my original labeling as an overweight child. MFP provides guard rails. I know/knew that. But so nice to remember that this tool is always available, I just have to pick it up.

That completes second morning musing, back to coffee. Shel

Gosh I don't know that I can fully delve into all that I want to think about from your post. But it's got me thinkin!

First, I too am trying to be more open about my WLS journey and that's new. And scary. Of course a lot of this was prompted by the stealing of my private IG before/after transformation photo. I'm not ashamed of where I've come from. And I firmly firmly believe in WLS. But the reality is that the world is so ignorant. And there are just certain battles I don't really feel the mental energy to fight. People say really crappy things. Especially on the internet. But I've heard them all my life, so it's not really anything new. but there is something refreshing about escaping that for once. You know? Just getting to pretend that weight is a non-issue. Like so many other happy people do. Because weight, more than any other cross to bear, is out there on display for the world to see, like a big Scarlet Letter. Anyway people have commented the weirdest things of my transformation photo. LIke "I liked her better thick." Reeeallllly??!!! Where were you 8 years ago, dude? lol lol that was so not my experience. Just goes to show haters gonna hate. Or "she looks too thin now." Bwahahaha. Or "she obviously had surgery." Um yeah I did. You have a problem with other life-saving procedures too?

But I'm becoming more transparent. And maybe that's helping with self-acceptance of it too. Because I didn't realize it, but I think I internalized some of that dialogue. Maybe it's aging too. IDGAF mentality. (but I still kinda do...)

Devon's posts really resonate with me on this level too. I was the fat kid. I think everyone expected me forever and ever to be fat. I wore "husky" clothes and "pretty plus" clothes. My grandmother once suggested I learn to flirt with the "bigger boys." Even after surgery, my goals were framed in terms of what would be good "for you." Aka you'll never be a size 6, a size 14 "would be good for you."

the longer I live here at this size the more I get comfortable with my new identity. Although it's always weird how occasionally old Bonnie will pop in. Mostly it's when I'm feeling sorry for myself. but I no longer reach for the largest-sized clothing available!