Saturday, January 20, 2018

Well, hell's bells! I think that blog post the other day and thought it took to write it has opened up a door for me. I spent last night with my BFF, leaving Ron at home to nurse his cold/flu/bronchitis(?) and cranky ass mood (for which I do not blame him). We spent a lot of time chatting at dinner and stayed well after we were finished talking about "stuff" which we don't do so much when Ron is with us. My BFF and I have been besties since I was 19. We spent a brief period as "friends with benefits" which blossomed into an illogical partnership that lasted only a year before I knew it was not meant to be. It took him a bit longer, but we luckily had the good sense to understand why we became more than friends and were able to take a step back and realize how much we valued our friendship. We were just ill suited to be more than best friends. Anyhow, our talk last night was medicine for the soul. I feel lighter for it.

Diane mentioned yesterday about filling the space left by releasing a negative aspect of memory with a more positive substitute. I am working on a happy replacement. I am hoping to discharge the long belief and and pervasive feeling of wrong, not good enough. I'm not sure exactly how, but I am feeling like I can begin to let go of that truth and replace it with another .

I just deleted a whole bunch of writing. I realized I was blogging here...

So, I'm feeling very much like the old adage, "The truth shall set you free". So, my truth for today is this:

I weigh roughly 2 pounds more than the day I had my VSG.

The silver lining is that I am in really good shape and far smaller than I was at that weight before VSG. But still.... That is my truth and I do not wish to hide it from you.

Hugs to everyone!

Hey Devon, good thoughts. Just a reminder that your truth is a lot more than what the scale says. Plus you have much more muscle mass I bet. DS

I'm good. It is a number. And like I said, I am HEALTHY. I am strong, I can do things I never thought I could 6 years ago. And I am a great deal smaller at this weight than I was at the same weight prior to VSG. It's all good. Just an opportunity to be honest and let go of one more piece of unnecessary baggage.

Weight 163.8

Yesterday I ended up going to the movies twice with different friends. I saw Shape of Water and Forever My Girl. The latter was like a sappy Hallmark movie on the big screen, but the first one was interesting, and unusual to say the least. I'm movied out!

Today I've been engaging my inner child and working on a giant Lego set that my best friend Bill and I bought each other for Christmas (he got a Parisian cafe one. Mine is a three building section of a Main Street). I know it probably sounds odd, but it's so much fun! This one is 4000 pieces and will probably take me a few weeks. I have no idea what I'll do with it when it's finished, but it surprised me how entertaining and challenging it is (the instruction book is over 300 pages). Like doing a puzzle, but in 3D with a ton of very creative details.

I hope everyone had a good Saturday!

Love the image of you playing with the Leggo set ****ly. On a visit to our nephews I had a great time playing with he Leggo house with his youngest daughter. Leggos have come a long ways since invented. DS

I finished the first of three floors today...

This is SOO strange - this is my reply post to Shel's but is showing under someone else!

I would agree that non-med solutions seem to be indicated. When I took Ambien for an extended period, I would feel weird the next day like I hadn't slept well, but I think I brushed that off because at least I had slept. I would comment that it wasn't like "real" sleep. Over time it stopped working well for me (I didn't fall asleep), so I finally weaned off it. I worked out my own sleep routines to finally get myself back on track. BUT, I may have had to be ready for that. The insomnia started after DD died. By the time I was getting off Ambien it had been more than a year and I had had some therapy to cope with my feelings.