Wednesday, January 17th

I am after the magic!

Well Dave, I would ask Dr. C about advil and bourbon but I think I know the answer. But he mainly says take the advil with a little food. Bourbon is food, right? (see my post on the 4 food groups).

Now if only modern science could duplicate the baby antidepressant syndrome. DS

I am hanging with MIL in er. She ate very little yesterday and passed out in her bed this morning. DH was here for several hours earlier, I am the 2nd shift. They are looking for illness. Apparently not infection so now they will mri brain to look for stroke. She doesn't have core strength to sit up and memory is about 5 seconds so something is going on. She has dementia at baseline but physically usually pretty good.

At the risk of sounding like a terrible person/family, there is some hope that something will "take" her. She saw her much older sister (now passed) suffer with dementia for many years and mil spoke to all family and friends and put into writing that she would want no medical treatment if she ever became like that.

However, when she was impaired, but still with it enough to answer questions, she changed her wishes to be that she wants some medical treatment. I don't know what the exact wording is but basically she gets almost all care. This pissed DH off....I defended it as she is allowed to change her mind. DH is POA by the way.

Still, I wonder. I know she never wanted to be like this.

She still has one other older sister with all her mental abilities. She is the first to say that she hopes MIL passes.

Very odd. And again, at the risk of sounding unfeeling, I would like chocolate. If I thought one piece would satisfy me, I would get it. But, it won't so I won't buy.

it is pouring rain. Seems fitting as we wait and wait.

hug your peeps and pups and esp babies

Shell, I hear you. You are not a bad person for thinking those thoughts. I had them too as I watched my mother waste away from Parkinson's and the corresponding dementia. And I sure wished it when crazy Pat, who had her own mental issues, would scold me and insult me.

So experience the feelings , do the right things so you won't feel guilty and don't neglect self. A bit of chocolate is in order. Some fancy organic candy bars are small... Diane S

Someone (I forget who) recently told me: "Yes, food is a drug, but a really crappy one. 99% side effects and 1% results."

Wish I could remember who that was.

Greetings to All!.. Just now catching up after a busy day and reading what everyone has posted.

Paula sorry about your dad. Glad he's home. I hope things go well for Ben. HB to your baby!

Shel, whatever happens for your MIL, I hope it's peaceful and pain free for her.

Ann, you amaze me every day! In light of what's happening in your life, you're still reaching out to all of us and taking care of yourself.

Diane O, oh the snow! It's been storming here since last night, though we did get a lot less than originally predicted. We have a few days of January thaw coming - I hope you get the same!

BB, the chili sounds delicious and easy. I keep telling myself I need an instapot. Some day..

Cecily, so happy for you that you're expanding and with each new thing you try, it will be easier. Good for you!

Diane S, I use ibuprophen liquid gels. One of the concerns I'd heard about was the pill dissolving on the stomach lining, so it stands to reason that the liquid would be disbursed in the system more quickly. Hope hubby's ok.

Devon, I hope Ron is better soon! That dysfunctional emotional eating is such a thorn in my side too.

David, so glad your grandbaby is feeling better. Hope your wife is ok. Glad you're doing what you can to take care of yourself.

Today, I had a conversation with myself in the bathroom - where I do my best thinking, as I'm a captive audience. :) Anyway, it went something like this "I think I've lost a little weight. But, I can't think about that or I'll sabotage myself. Why do I keep doing that? Hmmm.... Maybe, it's easier to feel bad about myself. Feeling bad about myself is what I've done my whole life and it's familiar and easy. Feeling good about myself is hard and uncomfortable. Today, I'm going to give myself permission to feel good about me." I then went to my desk, quickly wrote these thoughts dawn, and wrote that I was giving myself permission to feel good about me. It really helped when I was in Mariah's first counseling session and the therapist talked about not getting through the full intake, as Mom likes to talk. She did say what I had to say was interesting, but it struck a chord. Being too talkative is something about myself that I want to work on. But today, instead off beating myself, I was able to laugh and acknowledge that this is true. And, I was able to not talk a lot too. Hopefully, I can sustain this permission to feel good about me, until it becomes easier and more familiar.

Well, just like my talking, I've gone on too long! :) Hugs to all of you and have a wonderful rest of your Wednesday! Mary

Mary, best wishes re your positive self-talk. It helps me enormously. So does journaling. A few months ago I started on my laptop a "Life's Pleasures and Gratitude" journal. Making entries there is a sweet thing. I also made a second column for "Thoughts, Issues ...", which keeps the two lists quite separate.

BTW, my therapist says that new habits take much longer to build than a HuffPost listicle suggests. He says that those who are working to change complex self-care behaviors require 6 to 18 months of fairly consistent behavior change to create an actual new habit.

After all, it's not like some very engrained ways of thinking and behaving we're trying to change are as simple as learning to part our hair on the other side.