Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Weight: 130.2
Macros: Cals - 1,288, carbs - 129, fats - 47, protein - 64, fiber - 16
Veggies/Fruits (goal 8): 5
Sleep (goal 8 hours): 4
Exercise: Mall walking

Today's weight is the lowest since I was 31 years old (and that was Optifast-induced). I'm eating healthy foods, although not enough, which is understandable and won't last forever. Yesterday's V/Fs came from mushrooms and yellow squash (in an incredibly delicious soup I ate in a gastropub), lots of peppery lettuces, and blueberries.

I got only 4 hours sleep last night, even with half an Ambien. I think if I could just exhaust myself physically I might sleep for 12 hours. Today I plan to take multiple walks outside in the snow and single-digit air; I'll bundle up good.

Yesterday I drove 2.5 hours on some pretty hazardous roads (snow and ice) to see my therapist in The Big City. It was so worth the effort. There's nothing stunning to report - just that it was a safe space to download to someone who's familiar with the arc of DH's and my life these last four years and who has helped me to prepare for DH's passing. Regardless of their role in our life, a good listener is priceless.

And then I went to the mall and bought a red coat and a beautiful white shirt, because spring will come again.

Last night a FB friend asked, "How are you doing?" My first thought was, "How do you ******g think I'm doing?" Instead, I said, "I'm trying to do what human beings do best - adapt and survive." That's not even close to the whole truth. But it is true.

Today's Theme: One breath at a time.

P.S. I want to acknowledge that I'm not the only one here with a lot on my plate. Our little band has other spouses with cancer, Alzheimer's and more challenges, a house flood, new grandbabies, a first child on the way, challenges with work, children and fur babies, financial challenges, and more. I believe that life's rewards are worth our struggles to care for ourselves and those we love. But neither life nor self-care is easy. Each of you is a hero fighting the good fight, and I salute you.

Weight 116.6, calories 1498. A fair number of those calories were from almonds which I'm abolishing for a while again. I think I mentioned previously that they act as a laxative for me, which is probably why my weight is only up .2. Maybe I don't absorb the calories from them because of their other properties (LOL).

The electricians are coming a day early (how unusual is that) to install the ceiling fans and move the dining room light. The previous owners (from Canada) either never got hot or used the AC a lot as the ceiling fans are needed in all 3 bedrooms and the porch.

SIL arrives tonight, which we are looking forward to though it will be a different dynamic in the house. DH and I went to the beach yesterday and walked, then ate outside and watched the sunset and listened to music. We may go to Fort Myers beach area this afternoon before we pickup SIL at the airport. A picture of the sunset is below.

Have a tolerant Tuesday!

I believe that we are the people we are today because of the books we read and the people we meet. I am so glad to have met all of you. You all never know how much of life I learn from you.

Wt 243 Highest since WLS. Calories have been out of control. I had lost to 195. I have a plan. It started yesterday. We will see.

The demo on the house is complete. Service master showed up with all of their equipment and it is running. They said the house should be dry in 48 hours. He said I had done a great job on the demo. And that it would dry fine like it was given enough time. There will not be a push to fini**** like there was last time. I am back in the shop in the woods.

The grand baby has been sick. Stuffed up nose. vomiting, diarrhea. She had supplemented with formula when she went to work. May be milk allergies. DD#1 is spending the night. Our Airstream sleeps 2 so brought my mattress from the house and set it up in the shop. Grand baby is out here with me from 5am. DW and DD#1 have been up all night with her. I do have a bottle of breast milk. Maybe they can sleep uninterrupted from 5:30 to the next breast feeding. We rocked and sang a Willie Nelson song over and over. (Everywhere I go) and she went right to sleep. I bundled her up and put her in the swing. So I am typing until she needs me.

It is 7o here and I think the high is 18. But in typical AR weather fashion it is projected to be 45o on Thursday.

I think I am needed, David

The visual picture of you rocking and singing to your sick grandbaby just warms my heart. Your family is so blessed to have you (this family is too!)

You are SO needed. I love the singing. Poor baby - hopefully she will be well soon. My DS used to get sick with everything starting when he was just a few weeks old. The first time they slapped him into the hospital for two days. He apparently just needed to strengthen his immune system.

I meant that I had to go because the baby was waking up. LOL I rarely worked pediatrics because I know how quick a kid can become really sick.

I like the metaphor Spring will come again. Yes it will my friend, yes it will! Love you!