Wednesday, January 10, 2018

No weight today. Got a call from work at 5:45 that someone was sick so I went in on my day off. Should have tomorrow off though! Haircut on the docket. I should schedule a massage sometime soon too!

Sorry I have been absent lately - just super busy with work and life. I do try to read the board daily.

Diane O - thanks for the compliment on my photography. I actually did have a photo biz when my kids were young and I wanted to spend more time at home with them. I make more money as a clinical exercise physiologist but I do still sometimes do photography side jobs (I did several people's Senior pics last year). I also do a lot of free work - football games, plays, proms etc. when my kids are involved and provide free digital pics to any of the other kids and their families.

Your posts made me smile today - thank you!

Wow! Diane O. your intimate honesty packed a wow factor with me. It is difficult to put into words. I admire you for sharing that part of your life.

I seem to be coming down with the creeping crud. It's going around and we are one of the hard hit states right now. I did get a flu shot, so I'm hoping it will help minimize symptoms, if I do indeed have a flu virus. I think I may try to sleep for 30 minutes or so. I'm not the great napper I once was. Sad....

Vyvanse dose was upped today to 60 mg. Shel????? Sound okay? Therapist keeps referring to ADD in our sessions. I asked the prescribing psychiatrist to point me in the direction of a self screening tool. Well, tool(s) have me either as "highly likely" or having experienced a high level of inattentiveness. Ooooh, I get to add another layer of understanding to my already well matured onion! HAHAHA! I do enjoy having a bit of humor about all of this. Beats the hell out of being depressed or upset or anxious about my lot!

Must recover from one of the worst professional development sessions I have had in the past 25 years. It was SUPPOSED to be about getting to the meat of the new math curriculum, having time to plan actual instruction, and ask questions of an "expert". What it was was sitting in a room listening to a woman talk at us for 2.5 hours about the program, her personal nibbles of wisdom, and finally with 36 minutes remaining we highlighted common core standards covered in ONE unit, found the same standards in the lessons contained in the unit and highlighted those so we could find at a glance in which lesson we would teach a concept for the last time before mastery was expected by the students and assessed. KILL ME NOW! What I needed was time to actually digest the meat of the program. Not look at the seasoning list. Teaching is not an easy profession. It takes academic skill, ingenuity, empathy, intelligence, compassion, organization, knowledge of Piaget's stages of brain/learning development, and on and on... What is so frustrating to me is PD programs and districts providing help and support that is anything but. Soapbox - if you want to know what's wrong with Edjakashun today, take a look not at your local schools, but at what the mucky mucks do at the district, state and federal levels. Simply fascinating. I do not wonder why the profession is in decline. Off Soapbox....

Yes, I stress ate and ate out of rebellion and frustration. It was there. I ate it. Mini 3 Musketeer bars and 2 fruit bars for 120 calories a pop.

Weight was down a pound or two. I forget. 6:30 am was a long while ago. But I know it was down at least two pounds from a few days ago.

Tomorrow is another day.... thank you Miss O'Hara.

Devon, you must have posted while I was writing my really long post. Sorry that the workshop turned into a horrible experience. My dad was a teacher and I subbed for awhile. I have nothing but admiration for you and other teachers, as I do know how hard it is.

I hope whatever you're coming down with is short lived. Hugs, Mary

Greetings Everyone! So glad to finally have time to sit and read what everybody has written.

Liz, glad you're getting some sleep and have the energy for all of your activities.

Diane O, thanks for sharing. I would like to be able to reframe things in a more positive, self-supportive manner.

Ann, keep us posted on how you're doing with your winter project. I know I have certain habits, etc. that I would like to focus on changing.

Shel, I read some of the article on self-compassion. I agree that, at this point in my life, self-compassion is more important than self-confidence, though both have their merits. But, how can I be truly self-confident if I spend so much energy on berating myself instead of recognizing my humanness and that it's okay. I have spent far too many days of my life beating myself up.

Joey, your trip sounds so exciting. Have a ball!!

Cecily, if it helps at all, I started an adult dance class three weeks after my surgery, at 56. Everyone was accepting and I was horrible at it! I chose to not continue with tap, but stuck with the jazz. Now, at almost 63, I will be in my 7th dance recital in May. I get your anxiety, but know you can work through it and will most likely ask yourself afterwards what you were so worried about. And BTW, those pants look awesome!

Diane S, I always enjoy hearing what you have to say. You are so wise and I get a lot from what you share.

Today has been an exhausting one. Food was good. I shared with a co-worker that I wasn't hungry, but wanted to eat, as I am detoxing from carbs, and he is experiencing the same thing. Later, I had a couple of victories at the grocery store. Ice cream (even sugar free) and nuts are triggers for me. There's been lots of talk of Halo at work, so I checked it and similar brands out - always on the lookout for a "safe" (yah right!) fix. They are loaded with carbs, and some with too many grams of sugar. I walked away from them, then right into the winter spiced nut blend, which I put in my cart. I initially convinced myself I would eat just a little. We'd gotten this same thing a few weeks ago, and my youngest, hubby and I split it over a couple, three days. But, when I was at the checkout, I realized buying this nut blend was a reaction to my earlier desire to eat. I knew I would eat at least 1/2 the bag, if not all of it, on the way home. There were 5 servings at 160 calories and 8 carbs a pop. I left it there and said to the cashier that I knew I'd eat 1/2 or all of the bag on the way home and didn't need to, and she got it. I stopped at D 'n D and got a decaf instead.

I was feeling good, making dinner, when my older daughter went on a tear and had one of her scenes. It was a bad one, like I haven't seen in a long time, and, I'm not proud of this, but I briefly got sucked into yelling at her. I did walk away, and later she asked to speak with me and my husband. She admitted she had gone too far, but was still convinced of all the wrongs done to her, etc. When she said after tonight she never planned to set foot in this house again, I just got up and walked away. A scene like that typically stresses me out to the point that I'm shaken, can't sleep, I eat, etc. Tonight, I have tried to recognize that the issue is hers, she was totally out of line in the way she treated everyone, and I was not going to let it pull me down to a place I didn't want to go to. Can I say that all worked? Not totally. I just did take some Benadryl so I'm not tossing and turning 1/2 the night. But, I didn't eat over it, and, did not spend the whole night crying and feeling like I was the worst mother in the world, blah, blah, blah. I do feel like I've at least started to turn a page, as I am trying to take care of myself. I also spent some time with my younger daughter to make sure she was ok in light of her sister's antics.

Anyway, enough about all of that. I hope you all have a good night and thanks for your strength! Hugs, mary

Mary, sounds to me like you came out a winner smelling like a bouquet of roses today! What a triumph to not be eating over such an emotional outburst from your oldest daughter! The teen years are hard to navigate for the entire family! So proud of you for holding firm in your resolution to take care of yourself. Kudos, too, for rallying around your 12 year old. She's been through quite a bit lately, and your support may have well warded off an additional episode tonight. You, my dear, scored BIG tonight! Congrats!

Thanks Devon! I was a bit worn out, but made it through.

I've been there... done that... It sounds like you handled DD's outburst (and follow-up) well.

Thanks Liz!