Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Weight 162.6, calories 2028

Does anything smell better than rain? Today I would argue nothing does! I didn't sleep very well (not normal for me) due to anxiety dreams. I have no idea what caused those, but had them nevertheless. Such a rotten way to wake up. So I'm dragging this morning. I didn't go on my hike this morning, so I'm thinking a longer doggie walk as the rain clears out.

Liz, hope it warms up enough soon to get you to the pool!

At the pool right now! The water is a little cool but the sun is marvelous!

Greetings Insightful Ones

144.5 today. I ate pita chips last night which I rationalized buying for our skinny guest. But she didn't eat them, I did.

Ok, so I have to share my own "brown out" experience. I was driving down the 101 through a very unpopulated trip on a one day trip to Marin. Suddenly I had the urge. No where to stop. I rushed to the nearest place to stop - a grotesquely dumpy little roadside stand - and ran to the extremely horrid potty. Didn't quite make it. I had to throw away the underpants and drove commando style to the next place of civilization which was 50 miles. Stopped at a Kohl's store with was new and having a grand opening with many hosts. I walked in and asked " where is your underwear and where is your bathroom?". Fortunately the trip went better after that.

Lots of interesting thoughts here today and yesterday. Diane O, glad you are feeling better. Its so difficult when a family member is stressed and there is not much you can do. But your loving presence is a gift to those around you.

Mary, glad you and dancing again and that the new job is good. Work misery is a HUGE contributor to stress eating.

A gratitude journal. What a great idea. I am grateful I have a safe warm home and wonderful friends and family. And these blessings continue hour by hour, day by day so its ok to repeat myself on them.

Liz, good for your on all your home projects. I used to be like you but retirement puts things in a different time perspective. It seems there is always tomorrow.

Beautiful beach picture Cecily. What a great place to be able to walk and I am glad it is safe.

Hey Devon, take a minute to bask in the pleasure of what a lovely life you have built for yourself, Ron and doggies. We all should do that.

I got some good suggestions from a friend yesterday on places that will take clothing donations and some hints on organizing and tidying. Some book says first sort the closet and clothes, then books and papers, then household stuff, and finally the sentimental things. Makes sense. I have to get that book (thereby adding to the clutter.) A road map is good since figuring out where to start is the hardest part.

What I got from the kiln was skunks. Four little skunk figures that someone urged me to make.

Well thats about it. Time to get rid of the remaining chips and seek fruits and veggies. Peace and Joy. Diane S

It's funny, but I enjoy home projects when not under pressure and like the feeling of accomplishment when I'm done. I changed the kitchen cabinet hardware today just because I had time and it looks really good!

Liz, I want to be on your team for ... well, for anything. :)

Hi my fellow journey takers! I'm so enjoying reading everyone's post. The poop thread is making me chuckle.

A good day, so far. Food has been in its place, but I'm feeling hungry, so know I need to start dinner soon. My younger one had two screws put into her upper jaw today at the orthodontist. She's a bit sore, but they said she'll feel better tomorrow. Next is two teeth extractions, then the short term braces come off and the long-term ones go on.

Tonight is back to dance finally. Between the holiday breaks, my seasonal job at LL Bean (now over), and a couple of other cancellations, I haven't had a class since 11/15. We start learning our routine for recital tonight and I'm psyched. We're using the same costumes as last year.

Well, off to make dinner - not sure exactly what form, as yet, but it will involve chicken. Have a great evening all! Hugs, Mary

Hey, hey, hey! (written with a musical lilt!)

Weight remains the same. Yeah? LOL! I am thinking of Cecily and her post about maintaining the other day. So, with a very large **** eating grin I say, "I'm maintaining! I'm maintaining!" Oh, the inner critic...

Not much going on. Lots of thinking to do on the rebellious eating thing and also on a seemingly connected resentment issue. I am fairly certain that I'm not alone in my secret resentment of random "beautiful" people I encounter in my life. Sometimes I even curse them wish I could twitch my nose so I might introduce them to my physically dark world so they can "know what it feels like" to walk in my shoes. Mean spirited me, right?

Must get going on my chore list! It's been a long day, but I will feel more accomplished if I get a few things checked off that list.!

Two days in a row counts, man!

I think it's pretty normal to see people who have what you want and secretly begrudge them a bit of their good fortune. I feel it when I see wedding pictures, moms with toddlers, lottery winners, pretty much everything on Instagram, etc. My trick? I mentally collect the bad stories of those people. Husbands who put hits out on their wives, kids who grow up and murder their parents, lottery winners who blow it all and end up in debt. All those stories that make me think, thank heavens I'm not them and I'm so happy to have the life I have! It's a little twisted, but it totally helps me be happy with my current state.

I like your strategy and I admit I have used it on occasion because we don't ever really know anyone else's story. However, I can be downright venomous in my thoughts. We walked by GNC on Sunday and in the window was a ginormous picture of some Dr. Jim Stoppani (who is close to my age) showing off his shredded abs and 0% fat physique. I walked by and just looked and said out loud, "Mother ******!" It is not a trait that is bringing me great joy or satisfaction, but the realization that I harbor pretty strong resentment towards others who are either genetically blessed with super low fat bodies or so hard working that they work their freaking butts off 24/7 to achieve it is keeping me honest about my own agenda. The more I discover about myself and what I've gone through over a lifetime, the more I understand and accept my foibles in the weight area. I am beginning to accept just how damaged I am in certain realms of my psyche. It's sort of scary to be honest. But, if I ever want to get past this current hurdle I have to really deal. This journey inward seems like the last stop I have to make and one I've been putting off for a long, long time.

You deserve a load of credit for looking beyond the immediate response to something like seeing that poster and getting angry to wanting to understand the root of your anger! Most people in this life hardly understand the immediate response let alone want to know what inside them triggers it. And fewer still ever try to heal those painful parts of themselves. The digging you are looking to do will be so rewarding in the end despite the short term pain of poking around in your past and your mind.