VSG Maintenance Group
Tuesday January 2, 2018
Greetings Jedi Warriors
Still at 145 but not bad considering what I ate yesterday. I purchased a bag of pita chips for our guest (who is unintentionally losing weight and needs to eat more). Well she did eat some but I ate most of them. That was dinner plus home made chicken veggie barley soup. But at least all the crappy food is pretty much gone and I am just not going to buy any more of it.
AAAGGGHH my recently purchased half and half was spoiled and I have no coffee yet. DH agreed to go get me some as I can't even get ready to go out anywhere without it. He suggested I put eggnog in my coffee. Yes we have some eggnog but I have not had a drop of it. I don't like it much.
Liz I so get that you are angry. Not part of the plan indeed. I think thats why my mom's friend Pat was so nasty to me - she was angry that my mom became an invalid and took it out on all of us. No magic advice here except to recognize that your feelings are valid and justified and to accept help whenever you can.
Hey Shel, thanks for pooping for me. And thanks for the image that Ann is a Jedi. I think you are too. "Climb me a mountain I will". I am an Ewok but at least I am no longer Jabba the hut.
Devon I was so moved by your blog post. Had no idea about the bone disease. I can so relate to the childhood body issues and food issues that still live within me. Thanks so much for opening up about this and putting into words what so many of us feel but have not expressed so eloquently. I hope you feel good about doing so.
Well holiday stuff is officially done in my mind. No more celebratory eating. We really enjoyed the excellent Rose Bowl game and parade. Sorry BB that it took such a turn for Oklahoma.
Today is gallery duty again and it will likely be super slow so I can catch up on banking and doing artist pay outs.
Hey Diane O, you and I are both inspired by Ann to do more F and V. Turkey kielbasa sounds excellent. DH is ramping up to start the Atkins diet and he always has to go EXACTLY by the book so I have to be prepared for what he needs. But I have a big container of spring greens on hand. I see a run to the big discount grocery tomorrow.
DH to the rescue! The half and half has arrived. It enables me to use my caffeinated light saber. May the force be with you. Diane S
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Weight: 182 but can feel some swelling
Sad day for this Sooner. Of course in the grand scheme of things "it's just a game"...but as with anything we're passionate about, even our silly sports teams, we get wrapped up in them and it's sad to see a loss. Especially when they played such a convincing and marvelous first half. (Now why in the HELL did the wheels come off in the second half? Started with the dumb squib kick right before halftime. Urgh.)
Devon-I'll have to spend some time marinating over your post but my glances here at work tell me wow we all have so many similarities. For me it was asthma that kept me outta the gym, and then the way they had us do PE made it a very embarrassing, shameful experience that I hated. Not until 2017 did I ever experience the joy of doing anything physical. Ugh, "pretty plus" was not so pretty at Penny's. Being an obese child is certainly a formative experience. Good? Bad? I'm beginning to get to a point where I appreciate where I've been. Not entirely yet--I missed out on a lot--but I also think spending so much time alone helped me to know myself better and that came in handy in my teen and college years. I also had to put much less stock in appearances, especially my own.
I've been meaning to tell you how I can fairly feel the breath of fresh air coming off your blog. I think 2018 will be a great year for you!!!
I'm so ready to de-Christmas the house. It's one of my least favorite things to do but I know I'll feel so much better once it's done. DH leaves on vacation on Friday and will be gone this weekend and next!! So if I don't get it done this week, they'll be up until January 14 at the earliest!!
on 1/2/18 11:33 am
164.4, calories gazilliions (well over 2500)
Amazing how quickly I swell up after eating too many calories and carbs for a few days. All day yesterday and this morning I've been thinking about how to get out of this morning's hike, but that is old-me behavior where I would look for excuses to be lazy. So I'm going, but I'm not looking forward to it. Not a very good attitude to start the new year, but that's my honest moment for the day... Interestingly, seeing the 3 extra pounds on the scale this morning doesn't make me want to exercise. It makes me want to go back to bed. It should motivate me, right?
Devon, I relate to the no junk food in the house thing too. It was a huge part of my weight gain as I rebelled against the austerity approach my parents took to keep me thin. I just got sneakier, eating at my friend's homes where pantries filled with Oreos, Froot Loops, Ruffles chips, and Kraft Mac and Cheese seemed to glow with heavenly light and sing with choirs of angels. Or I would steal change from my mom's purse to buy candy bars at school. Or I turned normal foods into binge foods, like eating butter (ick) or eating a whole package of wasa crackers (yuck). Or a stick of butter on a package of wasa crackers (better). Foorbidden food is a huge trigger for me, hence my desire to live moderately. One day I hope to make that work well for me.
Update: I did the hike and I'm so glad I did. Why do I dread things that I usually end up enjoying?? I was out front with the fast walkers and ended up catching up to and passing 10 people who did shorter distances on the way back. At one point I passed an older couple and the husband said to his wife, "Have you noticed how many young, tall, athletic beautiful women there are these days? I don't remember there being that many!" That made my day. A year ago tall would have been the only part of that description that remotely fit. Even now young and beautiful feel like a huge stretch, but it made me feel good!
OMG! So much depth here today!
Liz, I think you have every right to be angry. It is not wrong to be angry and upset. Allow yourself those feelings so that they work themselves through. Once you have been open and honest with your anger, you will most likely realize your anger is a stage of grief and the anger helps you cope with the extreme loss you are facing.
Liz, I spent some time as an adult angry with my parents for "what they did" to me. I have been able to get to the point that I understand that they were doing the best job that they could at the time with the skills and knowledge that had about parenting. My mom was a closeted alcoholic, so much so that my dad and one of my aunts did not understand that my mom drank to excess. (I, on the other hand, knew quite well because I often drank with her as a young adult.) Looking back on specific events, I believe her words and actions towards me at those specific times reflect those behaviors of an alcoholic. Those scars run deep. Her words still hurt if I remember them in context.
I am amazed by Liz, Ann, and Paula's positivity dealing with the illnesses of their husbands. It is a much healthier approach than the one I took when my mom was terminally ill. Reading about how you ladies deal with the reality of each day and find the joy that is possible to find in your daily lives with your spouses is uplifting and inspiring.
It's nice to read that my blog is resonating with some of you at some level. I am hoping to find some answers for myself by blogging. It's helpful for me and it is curious to discover what things have been so deeply imprinted in my memory.
My weight is holding steady, but reflects my behaviors, not my potential and not my centered self.
My theme for today is this: Truth, Acceptance and Compassion Come Before Balance.
