Wednesday December 13, 2017 (right day/date I think)

Weight: 179

I just realized how much heavier I am than most of y'all. Yikes!!

I drank so much water last night. And then today I felt like my stomach grew two sizes.

Interesting discussion on working vs. SAHM. I think both sides come with guilt. One of the ladies over for my movie night last night is a SAHM and she can hardly wait to get out of the house at every chance she gets. She said she "has a monkey on [her] back all day". That has to be HARD. And to some extent I'm sure if it were me, I'd take it out on my child! I also know mommas who said that their 12 weeks for maternity leave was TOO MUCH haha. But I also think our society in particular likes to put extra pressure on mommas to be the flawless face of pinterest perfection in both the workplace and at home. Now all of this is just my theorizing--I have no idea how hard it will be. Some people don't have the luxury of choosing. My mom did, and she chose to work, staying at home only when I was about 2-5, which I don't remember. I can tell you from the child's perspective I don't hold it against her. I guess maybe she would've been more in the know about the "good" classrooms, and PTA, etc. But she's been an attorney and judge and I was so DELIGHTED when she'd show up for school field trips dressed in a suit!! And I know her fearless determination, professionalism, and yes sacrifice, helped mold me into the independent thinking woman I am today! One doesn't have to be bad, it's just different.

I'm pretty sure I will continue working. As we say in economics, the "opportunity costs" of staying home are just too high. To stay home for a short time would come at a very high cost--since reentering my field would put me very far behind. For what it's worth, I do love homemaking. My SIL hates it, but I'd be quite content to cook and keep house and volunteer. And we are fortunate enough to have that choice--but I do fear the unknown future and I don't ever want my husband to think I do nothing all day (which is NOT how the SAHMs I know have it!).

But I reserve the right to be totally proven wrong about what I want to do when Nugget makes her appearance ;)

Liz-I'm curious what DH's experience will be with second-round parenting. It's going to be different, that's undeniable. Partially because it's with me, and partially because he was working full time, school full time, when he was 20 and had his first. He was worried about money for diapers! And when he did finish college his work took him away so often that he could never coach his kids teams, etc. This didn't make him a bad parent! He did what he needed to do for his family! And I do think his kids appreciate that they got the young dad out of him. But it remains to be seen if they'll interpret what we do for Nugget as showing favoritism? How do you avoid that? Especially when there's been such a change in time and cir****tances? I think it's probably true that even siblings closer in age might be raised differently--as individual children are different, and as parents learn what works best, what matters and what doesn't. In some ways DH is more anxious about this baby than he was when he was "young and dumb." On the other hand, I think he has the wisdom of knowing that, eventually, the baby will sleep through the night, and it will all be over too fast. He also has more of the patience that comes with age! It is interesting that kids are staying home longer now. DH and his siblings were told to leave at 18. My older sister felt the same way (she's 8.5 years older). But I stayed at home through college and law school to save money. But I also contributed in other ways (and I think that's a big key! I wasn't having my mom cook me dinners or do my laundry--if anything, they benefitted). Perhaps we're not giving kids the tools to succeed on their own early enough? DSS was not ready to be out on his own. Oh yes, he wanted to. Still desperately does. But he's not prepared to adult. He probably will end up moving out again soon because he doesn't want to be here when Nugget comes, but I do worry about it. Originally I thought he'd fall and get back up, but he's taken a few falls :( I just want him to get through school!! DSD is a little more adult, partially her personality, and partially and unexpected benefit of living with her mom and having to be the adult! But because of our experience with DSS, we required she live on campus her first year. We only live 5-10 minutes away from campus, but she wanted her independence, and the compromise was dorms and not apartment. What is amazing is how often she comes home to visit! I'd say at least once a weekend and usually one weeknight. It's a really good fit. She's getting used to taking responsibility and taking care of things on her own, but she's still pretty much a kid.

I giggled about how proud you were of your suited mum. You gave me giggles the other day when I read about your drive-thru rage --- such a great visual for my brain.

You will figure it out about Nugget. One coworker (a nurse who had worked in the same hospital system for decades) gave me these two pieces of advise: 1) one on one time matters more when kids are older and 2) never give up your day shift which I don't think you have to worry about

In her experience, her kids were most likely to open up after school whether at home or piping up from the back seat of the car as she drove them around. I found this true as well tho from my previous posting I still wonder if I could have done better.

Cecily-thinking of you and surgery today. Your tree is lovely!! I think we should all share!

David-Those snuggles sound so precious. Enjoy! Can't wait for mine to get here

Devon-where are you? Am I missing your late posts? Hope your detox is going well. Remember every single day is a new chance.

This is the big tree I made mention of. It's really a beast to decorate, but so lovely.

Beautifully done!!!! It commands festivity!

I can't remember if it is real or not --- and maybe what I am really asking is if it is stinky ;)

Nope it's fake but it sure does drop needles like a real one. But I do have a balsam-scented Christmas candle so we try to fake people out ;)

I'm around. I read every evening. Just not posting much right now. I'm sure I will get back to it when the mood strikes. I posted the other day (Sunday, Monday???) about where I am right now and the reason for a little bit of distance. Silly perhaps, but it is what it is.

Love that you call her Nugget. Betcha it sticks, too! It's the cutest little nickname, EVER!

Fair enough. I miss your contributions, but I totally get it. Do what's best for you.

But know that I'm rooting for ya. And every day is a new day!

Thanks! Yeah, I don't feel like I need to hash through my crazy food issues here, yet again. My therapist mentioned yesterday that my inner critic was rearing his head. I laughed and said, "Oh, he's alive and well and amped up on caffeine! I'm not catching a break where he's concerned!" LOL!

Just another day in the life....

Hmm ... my therapist mentions my "inner critic" pretty often, too. I wonder if your inner critic knows mine?

;)

Gosh, I get up at 6:30 and am amazed at how busy you all have been!

Isn't Dave particularly handsome holding a newborn :) The happiness in that photo is contagious.

Today's hiking plans have changed. The planned hike is too high, too remote, and I would be alone. The Sunday hike tenderness lasted much longer than usual. I talked to super neighbor and she has had the same issue this week and she said she thought it was from using leg muscles differently (snow/random ice and then finally microspikes). That makes sense because my tenderness is in different spots than usual, particularly around my right knee. It is the right knee, in particular, that gives me pause.

If my body felt totally normal I would go, but it doesn't so I won't. I'll still get out today, hopefully with Buster, just not way up high and that's ok. Maybe just around Lake Washington.

I have enjoyed chit-chat about work/life balance with kids. Such good group therapy. My dad once angrily pointed out that we kids were too GD independant and I practically choked because that is exactly how we were raised. (By the way, my mom was stay at home farm wife so that didn't seem to matter.)

My stay at home sister did raise her kids differently, maybe with a different result. I have forever been envious that they needed my sister more than DD needed me. Then, there was an incident that involved an intersection that was super busy but also super controlled to the point where the intersection talks to pedestrians. It turns out that my 17 year old niece wasn't allowed to cross city intersections without an adult. It didn't have anything to do with moving to a (slightly) different location....it was an intersection violation. Well, 17 and can't cross a street isn't my idea of success, either.

In the end (channeling Ann) we all do the best we can do.

Peace, Hope and health.

Shel