Monday, December 11, 2017

Oh, the beautiful PNW!

Weight 164.2, Calories 1419

The Christmas concert was beautiful last night and it was so nice to see so many friends. I avoided the after-gathering, because I wasn't feeling like I could avoid cookies and I didn't want to spoil what otherwise was a good day. Plus I had chatted before the show with everyone I knew, so I wasb't really missing out on socializing.

Today I am having coffee with some friends and later have a therapy appt. I go every week, but never feel like I have anything to talk about. I bore myself! But I guess it keeps me in a good headspace and gives me a regular forum to talk about anything that comes up especially with my dad's cancer and navigating eating issues.

My stinky tree is half decorated, so tonight I'm finishing up that and getting all these boxes back in the garage.

Speaking of stinky, the dog is in dire need of a bath too. So I'm going to tackle that right now so he can have his reward walk to dry off before coffee. It's already really warm and dry out, so it shouldn't take long!

Happy Monday all!

Bath for him = workout for me!

LOL!

Jeez, Cecily ... drying him off would be a whole 'nother workout!

It totally would be, but a quick rubdown with a towel followed by a walk in the incredibly dry, 82 degree air seems to dry him right up!

It is so grounding to reflect upon our varied daily posts, consistently spanning the spectrum from ordinary to extraordinary. Paula and Ann I am inspired by your realistic optimism and grace. I also know what it is like to be a strong person. Please continue to feel our support, love and encouragement to express vulnerabilities. Dave and BB.. so eager to hear about your growing families!! Shel and Cecily... your outdoor adventures make me smile and encourage me to get back to my 10,000 daily steps goal. Diane.. your wit, perspective, and love of coffee make me smile. Liz.. it is great to have a friend to share retirement adventures with. Devon... I am in constant awe of your dedication to push beyond your mental, emotional and physical limits, moving forward toward your personal best. Joey, Carbon, Linda, Lorna, Lesa... all of you... I benefit so much from your contributions, past and present.

That being said, I am increasingly reflective as 2017 draws to a close and 2018 peeks around the bend. I am reigniting my determination to journal and to contribute here regularly. When I am most successful and balanced, I am honestly journaling and making connections between objective data and my goals. Sharing some of those insights here truly helps me integrate and move forward. I have not been journaling, and have been posting here intermittently. In fairness to myself, a few of my attempts to post on my tablet have been disrupted and/or lost, and I don't get back to it. I will now construct my post on Word, and cut and paste.

I've spent a week between 139-142, at and above my range. My target range of 134-139 remains where I want to be. The bread, whole wheat crackers and couscous have to go. Protein forward, veggies then fruit. Logging back into my range on MFP.

Diane

Journaling is something I would love to do with regularity. I have the DayOne app that works really well, but much like my therapy appointments, I never feel like I have anything interesting to journal (hmm, sensing a theme). Your posts are so thoughtful that I imagine your journal entries are no exception!

DianeO ... I would LOVE to read your posts here daily! Your spiritual perspective is so useful to me. I learn from and appreciate absolutely everyone here, and the ways in which you described your appreciation for all our members parallel my own.

And Cecily -- I'm going to check out that DayOne app you mentioned. I'm currently just listing out my "Daily Pleasures" in a Word doc. For now I'm focusing on the good stuff and ignoring the other silliness.

For ten years, I lived in Taos, New Mexico, and was a daily writer. Some of you may have heard of Julia Cameron, author of "The Artist's Way" and proponent of writing daily "morning pages" -- a form of journaling that clears one's writing veins for the day. Her process is excellent.

You may also have heard of long-time Taosena Natalie Goldberg, author of "Writing Down the Bones." I know both of those women -- because in a town of 6,000 people everybody knows everybody! It's literally like living on campus. Taos is a funky, bohemian community of writers, poets, musicians, dancers, weavers, painters, quilters, photographers, chefs, and people generally expressing themselves in any ways they can imagine doing so.

Anyway, my point is that expressing ourselves is best done when we just say whatever is wandering around in our heads until our personal truths eventually emerge. Because they will. They will be replaced by next week's truths. And that's just fine, too. :)

Your post brought a smile to my heart and a twinge of a pang and twist to my gut. I have not felt like posting much lately. The conversation about what represented WLS success struck a nerve. The reason being I understood. I understood only too well my own failings to keep my lost weight off. Of course, my feelings have nothing to do with what anyone posted or said. It's simply that the words pierced straight through to my own insecurity. I felt as if I didn't deserve to belong. (That's on me, so please don't read anything into what I say.... PLEASE!). I have gained most of my weight back, so I had to search for things surrounding weight loss about which I could feel successful. Truthfully, even those successes don't negate that there is a deeply rooted disappointment in myself that I had most of my stomach excised and I managed to **** up that gift in the end.

I get that obesity is a complex disease. I get some of us are more profoundly affected than others in the emotional arena, too. I guess I have just been dealing with "stuff" triggered by that post. Hell, it was scratching there under the surface begging to be let out anyway. It's a good thing.

I am tired of the journey. I dislike being fat/overweight/chunky/thick/husky, etc... The dysfunction with eating runs deep. I started back on sugar on Friday. Was not successful getting off it today. Just under 5 hours of sleep will do that to you.

There have also been much more important things to think about here than my continued ramblings and word tantrums about my effed upness.

I've been reading every day, just not sharing the inner workings.

So there you have it.

I am with you all in spirit, support, celebration, and heartache.