Thursday November 30, 2017

Weight 116.5, calories 2232. We had pasta at a friends house, then 3 of those darn cookies found their way into my stomach. They are going home with SIL today!

I can't believe I'm first today - it's 10 am!

We are going to go poke around some stores and go to an early dinner before dropping SIL at the airport. Hopefully DH will start settling into a routine after today. He has been having more trouble than usual with his communications which usually means he needs more sleep/routine.

Have a terrific Thursday!

Hello Folks!

Yesterday, I questioned Devon about relationship of food choices and work out quality. (Thanks so much for you valued input!)

Since Thanksgiving, I had been extremely tired during workouts and heart rate was higher than usual. Watching the heart rate zip up quickly and stay there was pretty interesting. (Am I about to die? Is this afib? Am I going to develop a clot and have a stroke?)

Today, a full week after Thanksgiving. I finally had a normal work out: normal energy and normal heart rate.

I have certainly had hikes in the past where I just wasn't feeling it -- now I wonder if poor food choices a few days before the hike were in play. Maybe it doesn't take all that much to make a difference?

I don't know why this is all so surprising....we all know that we feel better when we shift a poor diet into a better diet. Why wouldn't the reverse be true?

Paula, hope all is going well at Mayo.

Peace and hope,

Shel

Weight: 177.4!

I could barely put on my ring this morning. And yesterday my calves were swollen and tight. So clearly I'm beginning to swell. I know some of this is just par for the course with pregnancy. But I wonder if it's possible to limit, if not eliminate the extent of the swelling? Especially not looking forward to plane flights and lots of walking in NYC with swelling. Ick. Oh well.

Liz-I wonder if the lack of routine has been upsetting my grandmother as well. I think she has dementia (she's 87, so who knows what it is, but definitely faltering memory to some extent) and I notice that when my aunt comes to stay or leaves, she seems to go a bit more haywire.

GM did several strange things yesterday. It's so hard dealing with aging adults! They don't like it, and I'm uncomfortable with it. GM is so hard of hearing that I have to raise my voice and sometimes she thinks I'm being stern, even though I'm really just trying to get to the bottom of it. And then there's the respect factor. To everyone taking care of her, she's their elder and deserving of respect. But sometimes we need to do things that might seem like we're not being respectful, but it's in an effort to take care of her. She had a bad day yesterday. I'm not sure if it was a hearing/comprehension/memory/other problem we were dealing with. It's so hard to tell because she covers her tracks. She's been withdrawing from things recently which I think is a sign of depression. I guess adulting just sucks sometimes.

Today is my mom's birthday! I hope I can be a mom like my mom. I'm so excited to be having a girl in the hopes that I will have the same relationship with her that i have with my momma.

If she is suffering from some dementia, depression could be going along with it. DH has been on a mild anti-depressant for a year now and it made a huge difference in his quality of life.

Yes, I am really thinking this could improve her situation. It's a little hard to judge as a chicken-or-egg scenario but I'm not sure it even really matters. It may be related to the fact that she's frustrated that she's not comprehending or remembering well, but regardless it makes her want to give up and withdraw more and it's just so sad.

With DH I think the depression was partially because he did comprehend what was going on, but there also seemed to be some brain chemistry causing it. Previous to going on it he had a few strange "dreams/hallucinations" where he thought I was leaving him and taking everything. He also had at least one episode when he almost punched a guy for knocking against him in a crowded bar when we were waiting to be seated at a restaurant (I don't think DH has ever punched even a pillow in his life). His attitude, outgoing nature and general outlook all improved once he was on it (no more of the "dreams/hallucinations" either). Several of the other wives in our Alzheimer's support group reported that their DH was on an anti-depressant as well. The neurologist hadn't suggested it but I asked his PCP who then initiated the prescription (with the neurologist agreement).

BB, as someone who cared for my mom the last 12 years of her life (she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's almost 5 years before that) ... it is my serious recommendation that your grandmother have a serious medical checkup with her (hopefully) good, long-time primary care physician. And that he probe seriously about how she feels physically, mentally, emotionally and how she regards her family relationships these days.

Doesn't mean she would be diagnosing herself, but that the information she offers could be very useful for a good doctor to treat her appropriately.

FTR, my mom was on Welbutrin the last 12 years of her life, and it was especially helpful during the darker times of year -- which it is now. Seasonal depression is a big damn deal for older folks.

I'd also suggest that your assessment of her behavior might be over-colored by your own relationship with her and your memories of what she USED to be like. People really do change in so many ways when they become elderly. It's "natural" and has nothing to do with character flaws.

Finally, WE are the ones who have to change how we respond to them and their changes, because goodness knows THEY are usually a lot less resilient and able to modify their behavior than we are. Often, they're both confused and upset by the changes they feel themselves undergoing.

That's all I got based on my long-term care-giving experiences with my own dear mum. Very best to you. This can't be an easy time for you or for her.

Thank you so much for your response!

I think you're so right on about everything ;) I'm in a unique situation because I see her every day and I am able to know what she used to be like. That's helpful and also maybe makes me conflicted. It's helpful because I know some of the things she does are just owing to her quirky character--like she never liked "old stuff" or some of the phrases she'll say over and over she always did. On the other hand, I do think I let it bother me (and maybe blow it out of proportion) more than a doctor would because it's hard seeing her become not the person I remember. Maybe that's memory. Or maybe that's just aging/developing/changing process.

I definitely have to keep working on how I approach things with her.

I recommended that she get a good physical again but I think my dad is petrified to find anything out. I say tough. But I do see where he's coming from, although ultimately that's not my #1 concern. And I do hope they put her on anti-depression medication. It seems like she just spirals into this woe is me place and can't get out. And one seems to feed the other. When she feels depressed, she stops doing things, eats less, does less for herself, which makes her feel weaker, more disoriented, more depressed, more forgetful--it's a vicious cycle. Not to mention, just not a good way to live.

The other kids (my aunt and uncle) just seem pretty aloof to it. Though my aunt was just here for a week over Thanksgiving, she doesn't really notice much. Which leads me back to wondering if this noticeable decline is not coincidental, but because my aunt has left.

Hmmm. Well I guess not so much to do besides make my dad make an appointment, notify the other kids of the strange behavior (so they can be on the lookout), and continue to work on showing grace to her.

Weight 164.6, calories 1461

Still fighting my cold, but I hope to feel good enough to go on a hike tomorrow for my friend's birthday. She volunteers for a local nature conservation group and has gotten permission to take a group of friends hiking in an area closed to the public. I don't want to miss it!

I head to the surgeon's office this afternoon for my pre-op appointment ahead of hernia surgery on the 13th. Other than that, cleaning up for the cleaning people is all that's on my agenda.

Hope you all are having a good day!