Sunday 11/26/17

Thanks, Shel! It helps to know you all are supporting me and my efforts on this journey. I also know you all get that we are all over the map on this journey from obesity. I love that there are no judgements here and no You Musts or You Shoulds being preached.

As for different outlook on holidays, well, that comes from living with someone who spent a lifetime looking at holidays via "Kodak moments". It took me years to help Ron see that holidays, and life, are not a series of snapshots of time that capture only a moment in time. Life is like a never ending documentary that never hits the editing room because the rough cut is never, ever finished. Those delightful Norman Rockwell Americana moments and the lush gorgeous holiday moments forever trapped on MGM 1940's celluloid simply don't exist in the real world. That's why we are drawn to the perfection of those images. Many of us obese/addicted/dysfunctional people strive for an unattainable perfection. Helping Ron navigate holidays brought my attention to my tendencies of unrealistic expectations in my own every day thinking. Knowing I am one of those people has helped me immensely in my day to day life.

Weight: 133.0
Macros: Cals - 1,694, Carbs - 182, Fats - 48, Protein - 123, Fiber - 29
Veggies/Fruits (goal 8): 8
Sleep (goal 8 hours): 6.5 hours
Exercise: Walked for an hour up hills and down dales, through woods, across pastures and around ponds

First, I want to say how very much I love being a part of this group. Y'all are smart, wise, goal-focused, and excellent life-long learners. It is a privilege to spend time in your presence. I learn things from your struggles, failures, and triumphs that hold a mirror up to my own thoughts and behavior.

Diane, I feel for you and appreciate the family dynamics you described in your post today. Two years ago this month, my mother and my husband's father died -- eight days apart. They were both almost 97. My husband and I had to process a lot of loss fast, and in some ways we're still not through. In fact, this morning while driving back from the grocery store, I was thinking about the hours I spent with my mom while she was dying - hours of mystery, awe, relief, loss, and about 95 other sensations.

Years ago when my father died after a major heart attack - also in November - his observation about the process was, "I think I'm about to find out what it's like to die." I loved that he was expressing some degree of curiosity about what was happening to him. A comforting thing for me about death is that everyone manages to do it, even though we don't get to practice it. It's part of the mystery that is life and consciousness, so we should make our peace with it. (None of this is meant as advice to anyone but myself!)

And now back to the land of the living where we now reside!

Yesterday's 8 V/Fs came from a big Honeycrisp apple, multi-colored cherry tomatoes, baby carrots, steamed broccoli (lots), and blueberries (lots).

Thanks, everyone, for your recent shopping tips for V/Fs and other food items. I always like to hear which foods y'all are finding that are delicious and healthy. Shel, I bought frozen sweet red cherries this morning.

This morning I walked again at sunrise, having enjoyed it so much yesterday. Walking on our property also helps me keep the property tidy (I pick up and move downed wood and loose rocks out of pastures, lawns and trails).

Mid-morning I went on a huge Walmart grocery run while most folks were in church, an excellent time of the week to shop! I even got a little dressed up for the trip into town. My husband laughed and said, "Well, you have to dress up ... you're not going to Dollar General!"

And also want to brag that lately I've been reading more, which I'm enjoying a lot.

Today I'm sticking with yesterday's theme ... hurrah for weekends!

I adore you, and am grateful for your wisdom and compassion.

Weight 167 (I didn?t gain over Thanksgiving! I think that?s a first), calories guessing around 1600. Average for the week 1333

I went to bed at 6:45 last night after getting up at what amounted to 12:30am PT to catch my flight. Then proceeded to sleep 12 hours! It felt great. This morning I did a beautiful 6 mile hike in Laguna Canyon with my friends. It was very foggy and cool, which I loved. Next up is walking the dog and then a quick grocery store trip, then finishing my book for book club this week.

I?m so sorry about your mom, Ocean. It?s hard to see a parent decline no matter how you express it on the outside.

David, good job with the tracking! Awareness of what we?re eating is so important. Funny how when I'm not eating how I should, my desire to track goes down the tubes too. I must be part ostrich.

Liz, those sand sculptures are so neat! Your sand looks so soft and white too. CA sand is coarser and browner...

Paula, so jealous you?re about done with Christmas shopping. I dread picking gifts.

BB, your inlaws sound EXHAUSTING. So happy you have your house back, and lit for Christmas no less!

Kairk, best of luck with the detox! I?m realizing how easy it is to not only let in more treats (which I?m in favor of in moderation), but to let those treats take over (which I?m not in favor of and am still figuring out how to handle. Case in point, holiday pie).

Shel, enjoy the birthday celebration!

Ann, your walks and property sound lovely.

Good Mid Sunday Morning!

I went to bed at 1:00 am after watching the broadway version of Holiday Inn on PBS and then switching over to Netflix to watch our new favorite binge show, "Stranger Things". Got up at 6:30 to let dogs out in shifts. Ella is in season and both her father and her nephew are pining for her - obsessively. The next 3 days are going to be a bear! Then I got up at 8:30 to a tend to Lucky and Dot (Ella's pups). We have a storm coming in with big gusts of wind that lifted the patio table umbrella right out of its stand up through the glass table top and across the patio. I set the umbrella back, closed it and then got all the cushions back in the shed before the rain started. I thought, what the heck and crawled back in bed and stayed there until 10:00!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I actually fell back asleep. If anything, this weekend has been a weekend of recharging. I just hope I can sleep tonight!

Diane O., I know it is not easy watching your mom decline. There is a lifetime of memory and emotion that surges up from the depths when loved ones prepare to die. I remember promising myself that no matter what I would be with my mom as she left this world. I was. I was profoundly grateful because I helped her navigate her last minutes here on Earth. I acknowledged her fear and helped her settle her breathing and got her out of a panicked "I can't breathe" moment. After her death though, I also dealt with guilt because I told her it was okay for her to go and that we needed her to go, we'd be okay, etc... It was that I said "we need you to go" that caused my feelings of guilt. As I was talking to her she looked at me, tears rolled from her eyes and she left. My brother had gone home that night - he didn't want to be there. One aunt was asleep in the room across the hall. The other was at my brother's house. It was just my dad and me with my mom. People deal with death differently and how ever we choose to get through someone's passing is okay. It's part of our own journey and growth. You have a huge head start on dealing with your emotions around it, if you ask me. You are so self aware already and your support system is strong.

The detox... interesting thing is that sometimes when I begin to think about it and think about not eating those foods that serve some purpose in my everyday life, I feel a sadness well up inside me. It comes up from my gut, rising through my core and swells underneath my ribs and then it get forced down again. I don't consciously send it back, it's automatic. So whatever feeling that is, whatever is feeling is being masked and quelled by those food and eating dysfunctions must be a scary one for me. I have really got to figure this one out. It is one of the last boxes to open for me to really get long term success.

Thanksgiving was a bit of reality check for me, too. I realized I spent HOURS cooking and preparing for a single meal. I also came to the realization that other than the bread that I picked up at the bakery for the dressing/stuffing everything I made was from whole, natural foods. Hmmm... duh, eating healthy, homemade, well prepared meals takes time. Meal planning is going to be an absolute must until I'm back in the swing of healthy eating. I'm glad I've not lost the mindfulness. Luckily, I've been fully aware of my eating. If I had not, I'm afraid I might have gained a whole lot more than the 8-10 pounds I did.

Lots, lots to sort through today. Did join a "diet" website last week to help with meal planning. There is no new diet profundity offered on this website, but I figured an online planning tool would be helpful for me at this point. It was a reasonable deal ($1.99 for the 1st month and $3 something thereafter). I figure that's less than the cost of a medium latte at Peet's, so I can't lose, even if I end up not liking the program. Also, it's not a miracle diet site. It's based on eating whole food, multiple times per day, etc... Common sense stuff....

Gotta get a move on with my day! Oh, and back to work tomorrow.... BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Devon, I so appreciate and the vulnerability you express so honestly. Thank you. Everything you said about your mom's passing comforted me.

Greetings Thoughtful Ones

Right on Ann, I too feel so privileged and grateful to be a part of this little group. So inspiring and educational. Its amazing how we can all put our hearts out there in this cyber space.

Diane Ocean so sorry your Mom is not doing well. Having been there recently I wish I could offer more advice but every family and cir****tances are different. I am grateful that I said the things I did to my mom and sort of reconciled our long differences at a time where she was able to comprehend. You are strong and capable and will find your way. Blessings to you and family.

141 today. Dinner last night was lime chicken and avocado. It was so good and just the right amount.

Liz love the sand sculptures and the feeling evoked by the dog and baby. Pure comfort and love (no food involved).

BB glad your company is gone. At least you are not along in your frustration with these people. Next year will be entirely different with the new little one around. Good on DSD for helping you.

Yes Grinnell College was great. It really had a huge influence on my life, attitudes, values and long term dreams. This little town where my gallery is has a smaller university and reminds me so much of my college years which I appreciate more and more.

Well there is a long list of "I need to..." today. Finishing art projects, laundry, getting better coffee, junk removal, business letters etc. JFDI.

Devon, good luck on the sugar detox. You are wise to make a plan. Any such project needs a plan even if its only to get mentally ready. During weight loss, I found my desire for sweets was satisfied by grapes. I bet the frozen blueberries would work too. Glad you had a peaceful day.

Cecily, the hike sounds great. I could use a dose of sunshine - its pouring rain here.

Hey Shel, happy birthday to DD. Sounds like she is well on her way to becoming a functioning adult! Kudos.

I think aliens have invaded my sinuses or maybe some mold. Felling stuffed up but not sick. Costco advertises a "personal steamer" that I think DH would like and maybe me too.

Lordy rain is coming down in buckets. Time for more coffee. Cheers. Diane S