Thursday November 16, 2017

Weight 118, calories 1500. More sensational tastes entered my mouth yesterday for the final birthday celebrations, but hopefully that's done now. I need some quality time in the bathroom, but that may not happen this morning.

We leave at 8:30 for DH's clinical trial checkup in Boston. Of course it is going to be rainy so the traffic will be worse than usual. I have to awaken DH soon as it takes him a long time to get ready in the morning.

Have a thoughtful Thursday!

Weight: 173. Sure enough yesterday scale was 175 at doc. Technically, it was 174.8--which was PERFECT as I told you last time it was 168.8 so the rounded down both times = the true exact 6lbs. I gained in a month. That's a little high but I'm okay with that. We'll just see where the rest of this pregnancy leaves me. Hoping I'm not one of those who gains 20lbs. in the last 10 weeks!!

Tomorrow I will be 24 weeks--6 months pregnant, crazy! Unfortunately I had to reschedule my next appointment because of continuing education credits I'm doing that day. And they are booked so tight!! So I guess these are pretty mundane appointments I'll just make the next 2 a little longer interval to get back on my nice schedule. That does mean I have to go take a glucose tolerance test in between appointments, though. I'm not excited about that. And I'm mixed emotion. For one, sugary drinks (ie a Sbux real latte) make me feel pretty sick like dumping syndrome. So I'm not excited about the drink. Does the fact that I feel sick with sugary drinks mean I'll fail it? Idk. In my brain I know that all kinds of people get gestational diabetes, including my forever size-2 older sister. But I guess I feel a little bit like bruised at the idea I escaped obesity without having diabetes and I could have it now!! Plus, just being honest, the idea of going through the holidays with GD and pregnant doesn't sound fun. I'll do what is necessary, but let's just say my NYC babymoon plans had some tasty treats in there!!

Tonight is the eve before company comes. I definitely want to have things just right but I'm thinking I need to learn how to cope with my perfectionism. Like that saying "Don't let progress be the enemy of perfection." Even with what we were saying about eating, I think that's so true.

Does the fact that I feel sick with sugary drinks mean I'll fail it?

Nope --- I wasn't sure if that was a rhetorical question or not but definitely didn't want you worrying about it

NO! I have a colleague (my work wife! LOL) who can't drink sugary drinks either. She got sick as a dog doing that glucose tolerance test all three times she was pregnant, but her body did what it was supposed to do and she had no issues with high blood sugar during pregnancy.

I have come to expect your thoughts and truths resonating with me at the "right time". Often, when the light bulb goes off and I have truly internalized a concept and recognize that I have begun to integrate it as my "evolving normal", I can trace it back to seeds from this forum.

When I look back to first starting maintenance just about two years ago, I realize how black and white / good and bad everything was for me. I eagerly categorized food as "good" or "bad" and was determined to stay 100% "on plan", eating none of the foods I'd designated as "off limits". This group patiently, lovingly and repeatedly shared their personal stories about how that obsessive self deprivation had worked for them. The wisdom derived from our successes and trials have been embraced over time. I realized how much my thinking has changed... how much I have changed, when Devon took issue with Liz's characterization of food as "evil".

Love being with all of you on this journey... this process of growth !!

Edited to Add:

I also recall making a self-righteous proclamation that "you are either in recovery or in your addiction". Two years of maintaining in the real world have tempered that statement too. My current thinking is that:

My individual choices (food, exercise, self-care etc.) can enhance / propel my recovery, or they are more aligned with thinking reverting to my addictive relationship with food and my health. I strengthen my recovery when I look at how my choices further my goals or how they may be counterproductive. One misaligned choice does not diminish or detract from my recovery, as long as I own it and learn from it.

Diane

Weight 169.6, calories 1181.

Busily tidying, cooking and setting up for my knitting group tonight that I'm hosting. Only 2 of 10 reliably knit anything at our gatherings, but we have so much fun no one cares.

I got another credit card notice and a credit union account set up as a result of my identity theft issue. That's 10 credit cards and 1 bank account. I can't wait until it all stops! I'm starting to lose track of what I handled and what is new.

Liz, Have a safe trip to rainy Boston...

147.8 - up .6

Getting ready to leave for Mayo. Appointment tomorrow morning. Will stay at my brother's house tonight and visit with my parents. Remember how we sold our house to move to FL to be by them and then they moved back to WI? Well, surprise, surprise, my Dad doesn't like the cold so they will be renting a place in FL from Dec. 1st through March. They are as frustrating as my children and I have no more control over them as I do my children!

Got a call from my electrophysiologist's office today that there is something funky going on with one of my defibrillator leads. It isn't sensing the way it should and I should be seen early next week (made an appt. for Monday). Hopefully it is nothing and I won't need surgery to replace the darned lead. God knows I ain't got time for this on top of everything else!

Wearing my sassy new shoes again today!

When it rains it pours. I hope the defibrillator problem is easily fixed! Sending good thought for your Mayo visit as well...

Greetings Maintenance Stars

So much going on! 140.5 today. I really hate that number but can't seem to do what I need to. So no point in whining. Last night I fixed taquitos for DH but didn't want them for myself. Instead I ate a big bowl of broccoli sprinkled with cheese. It hit the spot. About 4 servings of veggies at one sitting.

So Liz, see how retirement becomes a full time job? There is always tons to do and people who are bored in retirement must be boring people.

Paula glad you have worked out the Mayo trip and hope it goes well. You are so cute in those boots and jacket! You are skinny AND sassy! Hoping the heart lead is not messed up. You don't need any projects now.

Ann, wishing you well on the trip to the big city. Hope the medical adventures turn out to be dull.

BB I'm with you on the sugary stuff. It can be nauseating. Unfortunately my food fixation has shifted from sweets to cheese and nibble food.

Cecily, have fun not knitting.

Follow up at the eye surgeon for DH went well. Doctor is pleased. We had the left lens taken out of DH glasses as his vision has dramatically changed for the better. He wants to go shopping so I will drive him this morning. His shopping list is : lottery ticket, ice cream bars, dog treats.

Interesting thoughts about good vs evil foods. We earthlings seem to have a need to sort , categorize and organize things according to various qualities. I try to think more of things as healthy or unhealthy or maybe even health neutral. Or maybe as necessary or unnecessary. Or necessity neutral. But lately none of this seems to help me avoid the foods or quantities that keep my weight down. It used to be so easy for me to pass high calorie items and now I just want to eat more and more. No answers here. Only questions.

Well little Tesla just walked into the room with my purple tie dyed sock. Wish I had a picture of this scruffy little red dog with the purple sock. Add dog toys to the list.

Hey tomorrow marks EIGHT YEARS for my vsg. Seems like only a short time ago I was sitting in this same chair trying to figure out a way to force down a horrid protein drink. Regardless of recent regain I would do it again in a minute. Now, what will I eat to celebrate! LOL.

More coffee on the horizon for me. Diane S