Friday November 10, 2017

Weight 117.5, calories 792.

This weekend we are celebrating DH's 65th Birthday (which actually falls on Wednesday next week). All east coast siblings and children (other than DS who has to work) are going to dinner tomorrow night at a fancy restaurant, then dessert back at our home. DSD arrives by bus from NYC today. Many of them are going to Murder on the Orient Express this afternoon, but I am going to go forage for a cake etc. instead.

DH and I took a walk at Quisset Harbor and "The Knob" yesterday afternoon. The walk leading past the harbor to the Knob is wooded with the sea on both sides and the Knob curls around in the water to shield the harbor. It is one of our favorite walks any time of the year in a beautiful part of our town.

Have a fruitful Friday!

(I moved this post over here to the thread Liz started this morning; we posted around the same time.)

Weight: 132.8
Macros: Cals - ?
Veggies/Fruits (goal 8): 3
Sleep (goal 8 hours): 7 hours
Exercise: None

OK, this will be a tough post to write. But I need to get this out in the open for myself.

The trip was physically and emotionally very hard for both of us. Bottom line is that my husband now has a THIRD form of lymphoma, which makes his cancer diagnosis pretty rare and his treatment options at this point limited.

Other than the obvious problem of cancer reoccurrence is the fact that hubby's physical condition has been diminished by his prior two rounds of chemo and radiation treatments, notably in the form of neuropathy in his lower legs and feet. He's now 35 pounds lighter and 4 inches shorter than he was when he was initially diagnosed three years ago. He also has heart disease. And he's 79 years old. The doctors we saw made frequent use of the phrase, "We want to make sure we don't do any harm to you."

The "celebrity oncologist" (my term) whom we saw, and were quite impressed by, recommended as the "Plan A" treatment a chemo therapy that targets cancer cells (not random healthy cells) and that hopefully will not exacerbate hubby's neuropathy. There was some discussion between the oncologist and his fellow (a doctor who's completed residency and is doing further specialty study) as to whether hubby's Medicare / Medicare supplemental insurance will approve the Plan A chemo; however, the oncologist was confident that she could code the Plan A Rx in a way that it will be approved.

Then there's a "Plan B" Rx that is likely to cause more neuropathy. We're obviously hoping that Plan A is approved. What we are both afraid of is that hubby will wind up after this treatment unable to walk or drive. Of course, there's no guarantee that either of these chemos will put him in remission again.

And then there's this news (which we pretty much already knew, but just don't talk about): If hubby beats this round of cancer, lymphoma WILL come back again. In other words (deep breath) he can't beat this thing.

We are still absorbing all this information. Hubby will talk to his oncologist next week, who may or may not agree with the celebrity oncologist. In any case, hubby will start some form of treatment as soon as possible.

On the me front: I didn't use MFP on the trip (never do when I'm away from the scales). I observed that when my energy (mental, emotional, physical) is nil that sugar and processed carbs look a lot more nourishing than when I'm feeling strong. Also, driving long distances doesn't help. Nor does getting zero physical exercise two days in a row. In other words, not being at home with all my self-care resources makes it hard to care for myself. And self-care is going to be critical for me in the coming months.

Which reminds me of the best news: hubby can continue to receive treatment here at our local cancer clinic. We both absolutely HATED being away from our home and felt like we'd opened a big Christmas present yesterday when we walked in the house. We did fika, crosswords and ****tails yesterday, and felt much better for the routine and distraction those pleasures offered.

Recently, I read an Anne Sexton poem about going home to recuperate after a loss, whi*****ludes these words:

... and when we touch
we enter touch entirely. No one's alone.
Men kill for this, or for as much.

Amen.

Today's theme: There's no place like home!

P.S. Here's a link to the Sexton poem ... https://writersalmanac.org/page/2/ (not sure how long that link will be correct)

Ann, I am glad you are home.

Information overload, even weaponized. Necessary for sure, but so painful to endure. Now you can move on. I'm grateful you have such a wonder-FULL home of peace and love to support you.

The self care habits you developed since VSG will support you, too. I have no doubt!

What IS it about processed carbs that equally appeals in times of emotional highs and lows????? Crazy that!

Loved the poem AND the link! Thank you for sharing.

Tell DH I said hello, I'm thinking of you both. FIKA for all!

Lots of love,

Shel

Ann-that is a lot of information. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. My prayer for you is pretty simple. I hope that now you have this information you're able to take it one day at a time. I hope you will be able to enjoy the moment as much as possible.

So happy you get to stay home. I know that'll make everything else easier, to the extent it can be.

So glad you get to be back home for all of this. If nothing else, cancer clarifies who and what is most important in life.

A lot for you to process. It is good that you can be home in your haven during treatment and it sounds like the oncologist knows how to help DH in the most positive way. Obviously quality of life is so important.

Hugs to you

Very busy week, little sandwich left for posting but a few comments as the weekend finally approaches.

eta, I meant little "bandwidth" left for posting but I see OH changed to sandwich. I like it so it stays :)

Paula, thinking of you and DH today!!!!! And, that DS3! Eventually it will make you laugh. The real crime is teenage boy humor. No one should be exposed to that! Lordy. Anyway, hugs to your whole family. Proud of your family for standing up for basic rights for all, too. So much going on in your household.

Cecily (I might have spelling wrong in my haste). Identity theft! Positive vibes to you and all your new alter egos!

Devon, oh the places Blue will go! You have given her a wonderful life launch. She will carry you in her heart everywhere she travels.

Ann, let go of that workplace! How exciting to dive into your next chapter!

Self care to all!

Shel

You spelled it perfectly! And I'm holding strong at 9 accounts so far. Fingers crossed that number doesn't grow!

I think Liz posted a couple days ago about letting go of work stuff and how frustrating it was to let it fall to people less competent or who care less.

I'm not having that experience with regard to work, but I did have a self-pitying "it's a wonderful life" moment a couple days ago that did make me think about Liz. I've been making so many decisions recently (granted, frivolous happy decisions like where to take DH for his birthday, or what to serve for Thanksgiving, or what to do about Christmas lights) and I guess I was just feeling like I'm the only one who cares. Which sent me down a rabbit hole of: would they even miss all the things I do for them? And if that is the case, what does that mean for me? Like honestly, they do not care about using china for Thanksgiving. But I do. But it's work for me that they don't care about/doesn't get recognition. I guess I just need to be honest with myself when endeavoring to do these things. Some things I'll just be doing for myself.

Weight skyrocketed back to 173.4 :( C'est la vie.

Oh, our wood floors are done!!!! This is so amazing and happy! Now we are basically done with household renovations (at least big ones) for a long time. With the exception of putting together the nursery! We'll have the remaining carpets cleaned next week, and NO MORE PET ODOR! Pets will be locked out of carpeted rooms. Our house was really at an age where certain updates were needed anyway, and i'm so glad to have them done before baby. Isn't it nice when something happens as you'd imagine.