Monday November 6 2017

Hi all! As is usually the case when I have a big hiking day, the scale is up a bit to 171.6. It'll come down again...

Not much on the calendar for today other than a visit to the therapist, but the dog is asking for a walk so I'm off to do that in a minute.

I've started really researching plastic surgeons. To preface, I'm an over-researcher for things like this and will drive myself nuts trying to pick the perfect "whatever I'm researching". And no one is perfect, I know that. One surgeon has really amazing before/afters - the best I've seen anywhere, but along with endless ecstatic patients, there are a few negative reviewers where their complaints seem quite valid. And those complaining said he's totally uncaring and sometimes unreachable after surgery, getting angry and being defensive if you say something isn't right or you are in pain. A few felt they were disfigured. Eek. Seems like a big risk to want to look like one of his amazing afters.

Another has excellent reviews, does a ton of operations on formerly heavy patients and I can't find complaints, but his before and afters are just "okay" to me (wonky scars, flat rears, oddly elongated mons). I met him and liked him, but some of those before and afters make me think, as those are likely his best outcomes.

A third sounds interesting, but he doesn't have as many before and afters as the others so it's hard to tell.

I'm surprised at how few PSs in California seem to specialize in major weight loss reconstruction. We've got PSs coming ot our ears, but most just do cosmetic vs. reconstructive operations. Am I right to not want to use someone who doesn't specialize in bodies like mine?

If you had plastic surgery, how did you pick surgeon? Did you find any negative reviews and if so how much weight did you give them? My plan is to at least have a consultation with the two other surgeons I haven't met yet...

My research into plastic surgeons really came down to my consultations with them and the feeling I got from their goals. I did look up reviews, but there weren't many and I do think overall you get a very bi-modal response that is more weighted toward the negative.

I had one PS tell me he didn't do surgery on WLS patients. That was all I needed to hear.

Another was the one who came to my wls support group and came recommended for WLS-patients. I did not like him at all. He had a very "too cool for school" attitude along with the fact that he seemed to be more of a car mechanic about it than an artist. I still wanted to look good--and not "good considering I'd lost 126lbs." if that makes sense.

I ultimately decided on a woman who didn't look too fake, and seemed caring and compassionate but also wanting to make me look good (and not make me feel fake for wanting plastics).

Was it the right decision? I waffle. So I'd say yes, I think for my tummy tuck she was the best choice. She persuaded me to go with a "simple" horizontal scar tummy tuck rather than the fleur de lis/anchor (incisions both ways). I've gone back and forth on whether that was the right decision because I do have some redundant skin in my midsection, above my belly button, that seemingly would only be corrected by a vertical scar. That makes me sad because if I bend down too much in a swimsuit or something, you might notice a dreaded "butt in the front" situation. But now nearly 4 years later I notice the people with the fleur de lis and I'm glad I don't have that scar--which would probably draw more attention than the occasional skin butt. So I'm saying I think she probably made the right choice on that, but it was a marginal one--I do think many WLS'ers probably need the anchor cut--because you can't flatten a soccer ball very well :(

Another thing I noticed after a while is that my "love handles" are more noticeable. Is that simply because we took skin/fat away from one area, making another more prominent? Probably. Or it could be that the scar line didn't extend enough. Losing a little more weight did begin to help this. And yes, it's nit-picky. But I guess I'm in situations where I wanted to wear tighter-fitting dresser more often than I'm in bikinis, and unfortunately I definitely have love handles. Totally flat tummy (well, pre-pregnancy!), but blobs on the side. I think this is why a lot of WLS'ers end up doing a circumferential TT, and again we decided on the margin not to have that long of a scar. I still might not do the "360", but I may eventually do a lipectomy/flankplasty/lipo or some combo when I'm through having kids to take care of that problem area. The things you don't think about.

I also had breast augmentation, mostly because it seemed like the thing to do. That was naive on my part, though I will warn you that plastic surgeons get like a kid in the candy store and want to buy everything on the shelf. Know yourself. I never wanted implants, didn't need a lift or anything. And it's been a nightmare that I've regretted ever since. Unfortunatley I'm the dope who made this mistake TWICE because I had an infection and had to have them removed--and should've stopped there! But I was always flat chested (even at 277lbs.) and love being so! So all I'll say about that is please know your own goals and only attempt to make yourself feel more confident through PS--no one else's opinion matters. 4 years and complications later I regret these implants every day. Cannot wait to get them outta here!

So that was really lengthy (I'm a real talker, can you tell?!). But in summary, I think in-person consultations give you a much better feel of the PS's vision and how it matches yours. I would highly recommend that over internet reviews, though I wouldn't totally discount internet reviews. I'd also go in with a pretty clear idea of your goals, though allow for an openness for the surgeon to suggest scar placement, or anchor vs. horizontal, etc. Finally, remember to do this for yourself, and remember that PS does have a limitation--it will only change your outward appearance, and not how you think and feel about yourself. I thought if I looked thin and without skin I'd automatically love my body. That has taken me a lot more work and time than even just plastics. And not because it didn't look great, but because I talked down to my body for too many years. I'm trying to learn to like my body not when I reach a goal or because I've reached a goal. And not just because It's good "considering" or because I'm "witty"--no I'm trying to like it because it's mine. Flaw and all, right here and now.

This is really helpful, thank you so much!!!

Again another very late, Hi all! Seems like late night is the only time I have to get caught up on my OH Maintenance reading lately. I can sneak some time during the day, but not much.

Met with shrink-a-rooni today. Apparently, unless I change my path, I'm heading toward a rather significant mental health event/implosion/breakdown - whatever you want to call it. So there you have it. Gotta get my **** together before I end up in the sanitarium.

On a happy note, even though I woke up cranky and sore I decided to sing on the way to work. I sang and sang and sang. One of my newest ear worms is my puppy Lucky's theme song, How Lucky Can You Get. (Yup, it's also his registered name, Diane! Kairk's How Lucky Can You Get! It makes me smile!!!!!) Anyhow, I've been singing that one all day long. Singing is good for the soul! Lifts me.

New info about Devon: Singing was a passion and an early career choice and path. I was actually pretty damn good. Won several competitions and scholarships as a very young teen. Went on to try musical theater and after my first year in college I had the guts to audition for one of the top vocal coaches in the business. Yes, ladies and gentleman, put me in the ranks of Peter, Paul, and Mary, the Kingston trio, Janis Joplin, Streisand, Grace Slick, Mary Martin, Mel Torme, and Vicki Carr because we all had the same vocal coach. In the 40s she worked in Hollywood and coached many musical performers at Warner Brothers, too. However, my self confidence issues, lack of height, weight issues, and being a little fish in the great big ocean of NYC made me realize how much I valued security over the possibility of ongoing rejection audition after audition. So, now I'm a vehicular singer! LOL! (BTW - The B&W head shot on FB was one of my head shots taken in SF right before my move to NYC when I was 23. You should see the one in the very 80s double breasted yellow shawl sweater! LOL)

Anyway, more work to do. Damn, damn, DAMN!

Wow! To all of that! Wow!

Do you have any ideas yet about what "change my path" might look like?