Wednesday September 20

Still here and hanging on! LOL!

Love the pups more than ever. However, they are getting bigger and wilder. They eat more and so produce more poop. I clean up a lot of poop these days!

Not sure if it was a wise decision on my part to let Ron "keep" the Frenchie mama. I just remind myself that her presence will more than pay for everyone's dog food each month! That's a good thing! Plus, Ace, Blue and the pups quite like her. Lovey and Blue were up on the bed rough housing this morning.

Read Ann's post yesterday and then Diane O's today. Hmmmm... I do not find myself reflected in those posts. Not sure how I'm reacting to that. It is disquieting on a deep level. Rather than feelings of self efficacy, those two reads brought up feelings of self deprecation. I'm glad I recognize that.

Weight was down a pound today. Eating is okay, but not geared toward weight loss or even healthy eating. It's geared more to what is convenient, somewhat healthy, and not too much. I had a small sandwich and some watermelon cubes for lunch. Breakfast was a Fiber One bar.

Whey Protein: Is it possible to develop an "allergy" to the stuff after so many years? I thought it was the almond milk switch, but I had a shake the other day made with NF Milk. Started getting cramps within 5 -10 minutes after finishing the shake.

Work is tough right now. I believe part of it is a Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus issue. I would love a little less "vision" and a little more road map! Just sayin'.... Lost my cookies yesterday after school. Didn't quite realize how over the whole bureaucratic bull**** I really am. (Sorry Diane O. - don't mean to offend!)

I am very pleased that with pups and the beginning of school year I have only gained 4 pounds. I can live with that.

Ever onward.

Kairk, so wishing the school BS would calm down. Be assured that retirement gives us the luxury of finding elf affirmation. While I had a real job I had no time for that and just overate to relax. Wish I could give you some useful advice. 17 pooping puppies! Thats like day 17 of the 12 days of xmax! Even though I miss our old girl a great deal I don't miss cleaning up after her and washing and all the household disruption.

BTW. my DH had what they called a dairy sensitivity for awhile. Guess it can happen at any time.

Saw a sign in the courthouse cafe today that read "a balanced diet is a cookie in each hand".

Diane

Frenchie pups are gone. (Mama Frenchie is not!) One Airedale pup now lives in Chicago, so it's only 11 poopie puppies! LOL!

Oh only eleven puppies averaging 4 poops a day. 44 poops plus the grown up dogs. **** storm. About a year after our litter was gone I found a teeny petrified puppy poop behind a piece of furniture. It was so precious to me! But I still flushed it - did not have it bronzed. DS

OMG, I can't even fathom that much puppy poop. I'll stop complaining about pee pads all over the place.

Kairk, I so respect the sentiment Diane expressed: "Be assured that retirement gives us the luxury of finding self affirmation. While I had a real job I had no time for that and just overate to relax."

That was me -- when I was working 80 hours a week, traveling 2 weeks a month, thinking about work when I wasn't billing or traveling or reading to keep up in my field, and caring for my mom with Alzheimer's. All of my physical, mental and spiritual energy was exhausted by multi-tasking.

These days, I'm so grateful for my current privileges in shouldering fewer responsibilities than I've probably carried since I was in junior high school. And when I'm crowing about maintenance success (as I did about self-efficacy), I am also very aware that I'm only 3 years post-op -- not 5 years or 8 years.

One thing my self-efficacy post did not reflect is my knowledge that nothing stays the same. As I told my shrink Monday, "Yeah, I'm doing great now, but I'm only one car accident or a biopsy away from fuckdom!"

You know where I saw myself reflected today? In Stuart Smalley of SNL fame. I watched a you tube video of him with Michael Jordan which was funny.

But! Watching Stuart Smalley vacillate between self-help coach full of hokie platitudes and quivering no-confidence jello was personally PAINFUL. OMG it was a parody of me. Just a little too close for comfort.

But, dog-gone-it.....people like me.....

Shel

Dog gone it Shel, we like you, we really like you!

I admit I had to go back and read Ann's post from yesterday. Guess I glossed over it too much in my stomach bug haze.

What an interesting concept, self-efficacy. I definitely think it's a big component of success, believing that you can, not getting in your own way. I definitely used to not think I could ever lose weight at 270-lbs. And to be honest, I don't think I could have. So I guess believing in yourself is important, but must be coupled with the appropriate tools to get there.

Some days I feel like I got this, and others I do not. Devon I think it's totally fine to think you have to keep making changes and that nothing is ever totally "solved" because our lives are constantly evolving and changing. I did feel much more confident a few months ago having lost weight--really the only time--after weightloss surgery. I felt pretty good about maintenance except that it was slowly creeping up, and I was afraid that I'd never be able to lose weight on my own. After all, I never really had. Could I? I actually think now I'm pretty thankful for that short, but trying, stint because I know I'll have some work to do after baby and I just proved to myself I could do it. I think you can recall all your other successes and feel confident that you'll work through this, too. I really, really, think that's the key, y'all. Just a willingness to keep making changes and adapting. And, yes, self-efficacy, and believing you can do it, can certainly help propel us. (I probably do not have a very complete understanding of the term, so bear with me!) But I think a little self-doubt can help too. There have been times when I've felt utterly defeated. Usually a day where I'm so hungry...like pre-surgery hunger...and I just generally have the attitude of "I can't possibly fight this forever" and "why is it even worth it?" But that can also give me motivation to try something new, or find out if I'm not just hungry but emotionally drained, etc.