Thursday August 17

Thank you - I'll be needing to read this again in the not too distant future probably.

My baby Italian Greyhound is 14 and half years old. I need to read that article, but cannot do it today. Soon. I distinctly remember the day my daughter brought him home thinking with dread that one day I would have to live without him. (The puppies are almost 9 years old but still seem and act like puppies.) Losing your dog is so deeply devastating, yet some people do not understand it.

I would love to lie and say everything is hunky dory, but that is simply not the case. I feel as if the weight of things has simply gotten to be too much for me at the moment. Yesterday was not a happy day. Just felt overwhelmed on many fronts. I, of course, being the survivor that I am know that I will persevere and will make it through to the bright and shiny side of things. That is not my worry. My worry is how I deal with the process.

By the end of the "work day" yesterday (which was an absolute loss of productive time) I was downright blue. I thought to myself that if I were a drinking man, I'd go home and tie one on! Luckily, instead, I went and worked out with my trainer. I am feeling the benefit of that this morning - sore glutes, and pecs. Yet, I am on the sugar wagon and have no immediate intention of trying to get off, which is bothersome to me. I understand full well why I have boarded the train, unpacked my things in the sleeping car, and have a signature account in the dining room - STRESS! (This understanding in itself is huge growth on my part, so I feel okay on that side of things. At least I know why and I don't feel like a failure.) My weight is up only 2 pounds, which is okay, too, as long as I can keep it here.

I think the toughest thing for me right now is that I feel my only refuge is with my puppies. I become isolated in their innocence and their delight in discovering the little tiny world around them. I love getting to know them and their individual personalities and what they need from me to succeed for the next 5-6 weeks. Right now I am holding on to that joy. The puppy pen is my happy place.

Anyhow, I am far from desolate and know there is a bright light in the not so distant future. Just experiencing a little dip in the road. I'm still grateful for all I DO have. I simply know this is a safe place for me to express myself, my feelings, etc... without being judged and I needed to get a few things out. In the scheme of things, I have a lot for which to be thankful, and I know that.

Oh, because I have been dying to say this to you all since I thought of it this morning:

Yesterday, after having been unproductive in the bathroom for a day or two, hot damn! I didn't crap me just one bowl full, but two! Took a whole 2.5 pounds right off!

Hey Devon, wouldn't it be great of we could all spend our lives in a puppy pen! I remember when we had some puppies years ago and I got them going on the gopher holes in the back yard and they all got into it and came in with dirty faces!

Getting back to school must be tough after the summer.I bet you will perk up after things get into the swing. What is it about sugar that is so addictive? I remember in my old yo yo diet days when I would go off the diet and I could not get enough sugar. Like I would eat a half pound of fudge for dinner!

And congrats on your successful potty experience. Diane S

Only us WLS people can fully understand the joy of a productive bathroom trip!