July 28. Friday

Is this emoticon sort of a heart??? LOVE this news!

I went back and read Devon's post, and it's quite a jewel.

I do think we all have different experiences, so here is just my take on what you said, Devon (and maybe I misunderstand so please correct me if that's the case).

I think you identified that sometimes the biggest problem for us is not that we ate x, y, z, but that we are overly critical on ourselves for it. A normal person eats a piece of cake, or even has a bad "pig out" day--they probably don't cure it by going on a totally destructive food week (or month) (or year) like we sometimes can. I can tell you that personally, this is my #1 problem. And this is why I say diets made me fat. I don't know what it is, and even being aware of it, it's still a mighty difficult thing to reprogram, but if I don't eat the way I think I should, or if the scale goes up, something inside me goes to fight or flight mode and I'm more apt to overeat. Isn't that nuts?! totally reverse of what you'd think would happen.

The best thing I've found to help cure this? For me, the best way to handle this is to try and not put myself in a situation where I'm doing something wrong in the first place. No, I don't mean "never have a carb." In fact, that kind of thinking is, for me in my own personal experience, the worst kind of thinking. Because I'm gonna fail. I'm setting myself up to fail. And when I feel bad about failing, I rail against the system, and 4 weeks later I'm up 6 pounds because of a couple dinners out?! No, puh-lease! It doesn't always work like a charm, but I've found that for me the best thing I can do is try and enjoy food. Not feel deprived in variety of food. There really aren't any off-limit foods. But I do have to remind myself that foods like animal crackers are sliders, and I won't enjoy it as much as (and then I like to remind myself of another food I'd enjoy more, with more intention) and one thing I really work on is reminding myself when I'm NOT hungry, or when I've reached satiety, and sometimes verbally and audibly saying "I'm as content if I'd eaten the whole plate." I'm really trying to focus on the joy in food. Which is another thing Kairk mentioned--I really enjoy food. So often in this community we hear "eat to live, not live to eat." I have to disagree with that sentiment! I am a foodie! I always have been! I love food, and I express my love through food. If you want me to remember something, you'll have the best luck if you remind me what was on the menu. I can't fight that. I wouldn't want to! It's me! So I've begun to embrace it, instead. Trying to remember I'm not loving beautiful food if I'm cramming cheese-its down my throat! And taking my time to plan the menu, and shop the farmer's market, and cook it--all calorie-free parts of that endeavor!

But I think what Devon is most spot-on about is that we're all different. We all had surgery. And that will work for all of us to some extent for some amount of time. And then we're on our own. At some point, I think we have to be committed to finding what works for us.

204.2 downward swing. I hope I can keep it going. This morning before reading Devon's post, I was thinking that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Clearly, I am insane.

The number on the scale is what has been obsessing me lately, moreso than the tight and torn clothes (sniff, favorite jeans). The fear is OK, keeps me on track, but the disgust and shame have got to be reeled in and stopped. It is hard to lose weight without surgery. Did it (many times, most recently 25 lbs before surgery). The surgery is hard (did it like a boss). Losing weight with surgery is hard (did it). Almost added "not to goal" but that diminishes this achievement. I improved my health so much, which was my goal and I know it. Regaining is easy, soo flippin easy and so fast. I know what I have to do and will do it. I know what I want to do and will do that too, to a point. :)

Sad to have a favorite pair of jeans wear out. I once had a favorite pair of moccasins that I wore non stop as they were so comfortable. They finally fell apart. I tried so hard to find replacements but none to be found.

You are right, regain is so easily done. Even my surgeon warned me about how fast it can happen. If regain were a career, I would be at the top of the field. Trying to not do that. Diane S

Greeting Maintenance Family

Still at 136. I guess I won't lose any weight if I don't make an effort and I really haven't done that. What a concept!

Carbon, a raccoon is wrecking your cherry tree! They are such pests. I saw one on the neighbor's walk in broad daylight just the other day.

Liz hope your son takes the new job. A good chef can always get work though.

Dave you just can't gain weight from water melon. Must be the water part. Sorry for your family drama and hope those kids will be ok.

Yep Kairk, more puppy pix needed. Glad Blue is pitching in to feed the other litter.

We are all grateful for Paula's DH and the Caring Bridge posts. Hang in there Paula and Ben.

Had the mammogram yesterday. So much saggy skin that one picture had to be redone as there was a "fold".

I am still trying to wrap my head around Kairk's post of yesterday. I feel like I should take notes! Or I should JFDI. Reminds me of a favorite line from the Rocky Horror Picture Show music " Don't dream it, Be it"

Well I am going to end this disjointed post. Too much estate stuff going round in my head. Diane S

Weight: 135.6

Sleep: 10 hours! Loved it!

Exercise: None

It's late in the day, but I'll post anyway.

I have no idea how many calories, carbs, fats, protein or fiber I ate yesterday. After our big trip to The Big City for hubby's eye-doctor appointment, I forgot to track. WTH?! That's so not like me. Makes me feel like a bad girl. And maybe a little bit cool, actually. ;)

Today I've almost finished my consulting final report. Yea! And it's Friday. Yea!

And YEA! for BB's baby's heartbeat. And YEA! for everyone else's adventures and happies.

Joey, loved your post.

Devon, puppy pix, pretty please.

T.G.I.F.