Saturday July 8

Weight 116. No lobster roll but some stuff passed my lips last night because of stress: There were flash flood watches in Massachusetts yesterday. Well it flooded in Falmouth on my street deeper than ever before: over 2 feet in fact. My BMW convertible might have made it had a Jeep not come flying through and caused a wave to go OVER the car! The car was towed and likely totaled on my own street!

I had VERY little sleep last night because my mind wouldn't shut down. I really don't want to have to buy another car - I had gotten a new one 14 months ago in preparation for retirement! I want to go to the beach today to vegetate, but realized that the rental car won't have a sticker. I may have to switch off with DS who has been using our other car (long story as to why).

I hope you all have a good day!

Weight - 135

Macros: Cals - 1498, carbs - 157, fats - 66, protein -93, fiber -20

Veggies/fruit - 4

Sleep - 9.5 hours!

Exercise - none

Liz, so sorry about your car hassles. What a pain! It's hard when our "normal" (which can be hard enough sometimes) evaporates like that.

And in that vein, T.G.I.F. This week is finally over here, and I'm ready for some boring normalcy and just happy to mow for a while.

My eating this week was often bizarre. There's no way to ignore that on Tuesday the 4th, the day before my biopsy report appointment about which I was angsting, I ate a lot of crappy carbs in an effort to sedate my anxiety. That's the first time it's occurred to that extent since WLS. It actually verged on binge eating. I also didn't weigh a couple of mornings, which just does NOT happen and was unsettling. And, perhaps needless to say, my sleep sucked.

My weight, miraculously, is still below goal, but up a bit. I want to feel stably back in control.

Ah, these control issues in a world where control is only sometimes possible! I know what my next shrink session will be about. I'll let you know what new perspectives I gain. It's easy to see the forces that were at play. What I lacked this week were effective ways to change the vector of those forces.

Today, my theme is be here now.

Emotional eating is not always a bad thing. It is a useful coping mechanism and can work to ease fears and assuage one's anxiety. It can also serve as a warning sign that something is going on that deserves your attention. People with weight issues are schooled over the years that "emotional eating" wrong. I disagree.

It is my belief that as obese people we learn or come to believe that any type of "off plan" or less than perceived perfection in our eating is wrong or detrimental. When we believe we've erred in our eating ways we have taught ourselves that the alarms must go off, the bells must be rung and we must get back in control - even if it is temporarily impossible to do so.

When we are faced with legitimate fears it is natural to seek consolation to protect us from our dark thoughts and worries. Sometimes letting go of the letting go may be the best approach.

That's an interesting perspective, Devon.

Its also interesting to me that during all of hubby's cancer diagnoses, treatments, remissions, reappearance, and treatment-related maladies (of which there have been many) my food response has been to become less hungry. But when MY possible diagnosis loomed my reaction went the other way.

Fight or flight ... or carbo-load. Hmmmm.

Greetings Fellow Careful Eaters

Up to 136.5 today! I knew this would happen as yesterday was a food mess. I ate chicken nuggets at the zoo visit and then pizza later for dinner. It must have been loaded with salt as I couldn't seem to get enough water last night. Hoping its only a water gain.

Finally got our family off this morning on a plane. What a relief. My formerly obese brother is now very thin thanks to vsg some years ago and now having an inoperable brain tumor. His wife is SMO and can barely walk. He has gait and balance issues so its quite an ordeal to even get in and out of the car. So absurd. DH is still laughing. I am exhausted.

Liz I was thinking of you last night when the national news mentioned storms in Cape Cod. So sorry your car got trashed. Seems like insurance never really takes care of it. It may be better that its totaled rather than try to repair. Sounds like a cool car.

Ann glad you can get back to mowing and some peace of mind after the medical worries. Here's to a great peaceful summer.

Back to the studio today but first I need a nap. Diane S.

Thank you, Diane. It's been a good day.

Hi! No connectivity since I left the house yesterday morning. Now, against all odds, I have a signal on top of Mount Something. Beckler? Beckett? I am not sure. Panoramic view. I will post a couple of pics tho I can't see them very well in this bright light. Would love to do a panoramic pic up here but there or people in the way and the rocks are solid but uneven and I don't dare to do even a slow twirl. Will go back and read posts tonight....hope all are doing well

Wow! Spectacular!

Shel, thank you! What a beautiful day up there!

Liz, so sorry about the car! A great big hassle, but it is a car - an inanimate object - a thing. I'm glad YOU were not totaled in the flood! We lost a teacher at my school and her husband to a desert flash flood some years ago. Luckily, her children were several yards ahead and made it to safety. So a car.... not such a big deal considering what could have happened to you! I am glad you are fine.

I was right. The weight loss was a blip! I don't know if I truly dropped that much water weight overnight or if the scale was being naughty. Either way, I was back up to the "normal" weight range. Oh, well.... such is life.

So happy to report that I have now reached "basic" weight dead lifts! Apparently, this is the weight that serious body builders/weight lifters use as the base from which to grow. I'm thinking, "Lord, it took me almost 4 years to get to this level! This is basic?" LOL! Anyway.... I'm doing dead lifts with 135 pounds. I'm able to do 8-12 reps depending on which set (1,2, or 3) with absolutely no back strain IF I concentrate on my form and technique. Yes, I'm feeling very proud of this accomplishment! (Like a 5 year old who has had training wheels removed from his big boy bike! Hehehehehe.... )

Went to Golden Gate Park for an Airedale Club walk this morning. A large group of us (27 people and about 15 Airedales) stayed and had lunch on the patio of the Park Chateau on the Great Hwy at Ocean Beach. They waiter honored my request for something quite small and had the kitchen make me an appetizer sized chopped salad. It was heavenly - mixed greens, crisply steamed green beans and asparagus tips, sliced radishes, cucumber, cherry tomatoes and a little goat cheese. Tonight we are going to visit friends for dinner we haven't seen in quite some time. Years, really. Promises to be fun. Tomorrow is a light day with just a single client. Will spend the afternoon doing odds and ends and getting truly prepped for the puppies that will be arriving all too soon!