Thursday May 25

A windy windy day, with yet another flood. Unbelievable really. This was at the volunteer place. The other toilet divulged all. They had to get a jackhammer and half way across the main floor they found the problem and even though the put up barriers there is cement dust everywhere.

not much walking and while food choices were good ate too much.

Have a great Thursday!

Well today is another day for weighing and eating. Weight 116.5, calories 1432.

BIL is being a real s__t. Apparently when he called his sister to tell her to come because MIL was dying, she was ruminating on how to get there (had taken a bus to work). He made a snarky remark about her expecting their mother to just wait for her to get there. He sent a snide txt to DD when she wanted to come, and berated me for posting about MIL's passing on FB. He thinks he can be nasty to anyone and they will forgive him! He used to be an alcoholic but has been rude and offensive frequently since he dried out. But while being nasty to family he acts like the mayor of the assisted living facility. He talked his siblings into a funeral location and schedule that suits him so the people from the facility can come. I think it is because he has no friends. Originally they had talked about a separate memorial at the facility which would have made more sense. He has po'd my children and me so much we are considering a private memorial rather than having to deal with BIL at the funeral. I HATE this crap! I'm glad we had a small family and no issues when my mother died.

Enough of that! Thanks for listening to me vent!

I'm working full-time from home today and tomorrow, then we have the long weekend. It looks like the weather may be decent so hopefully we can get the hydrangeas in.

Oh, Liz, I'm so sorry.

Aggressive behavior by middle-aged and older children who lash out at each other when their mother dies is very common. Our family has seen its share of this as well.

My counsel is to do everything you can to keep your cool. The good news is that you'll have to spend very little (if any) time with this person in the future.

Liz, I agree with Ann, I think the heartache of death can bring out the worst in people. Try and keep calm and go with the flow as much as possible. (((Hugs))) to you during this difficult time.

Oh Liz, why can't families grieve in peace? I want to say again that the facebook post was tasteful, effective and absolutely lovely. I could feel the love in that picture.

Your BIL is still an alcoholic. He sounds like a dry drunk - still engaging in his alcoholic behaviors, but without the use of alcohol. Part of a ten step program is focused on overcoming those types of behavior and learning gratitude and humility and accepting what one cannot control. Clearly, BIL has not learned those lessons in his sobriety. Perhaps if you can remember he is still suffering from the mental illness that accompanies alcoholism you will find understanding and be able to release the feelings of anger towards him. I would venture to guess that his bravado and bull**** is allowing him to avoid his grief and sorrow. Somewhere inside him is a little boy who lost his mama and needs to be cuddled. It's sad that the little boy is being hidden by his overpowering adult A-hole self.

Your post was respectful and appropriate. Lead your children with your graceful example through this difficult time. You will forever be grateful for taking the road that leads to grace.

The strange thing is that he was a happy drunk. Well, most of the time excepting when he punched DD and ended up being arrested. We could forgive him that (sort of), but he makes a big deal over me telling our friends about MILs passing in the most efficient manner.

My daughter has been in the CCU since Sunday, they put a port in her jugular for dialysis, which scared the bejebus out of me, but is apparently not unusual. She has a new doctor. Can I get an Alleluia!? The new doctor is removing the port from her stomach which is the root of all of her issues due to her gastroparesis. He is putting ports into her arms for dialysis and removing the temporary jugular port and putting another into the jugular but under the bone. Talk amongst yourselves, because I cannot talk about it out loud. It's too much. Hopefully, her health will start to improve significantly so she can proceed to transplant.

I have had my grandsons since Sunday, of course. They were going home after school since their dad is there, but I have discovered the hard way that he is unstable, unable and incapable of taking even minimal care of the boys. Therefore, my brothers are in rotation to pick them up and bring them to my house after school. It's a lot to ask, but it has to be done. After school care ends at 5:30 and I work till 6. Plus, I have zero (actually negative) money after discovering that my daughter used checks from my house before being admitted to the hospital and forgot to tell me. Hard to rip her to shreds when she's being physically ripped to shreds, but I was angry and let her know.

The good news is that the boys are super grateful about coming to my house, they keep giving me little gifts (like drawings, Pop Tarts yikes and a fidget spinner "for stress at work").

Food is not an issue, because there is no time or money. I have been eating a protein bar for breakfast, plain lunchmeat or tuna for lunches, Greek yogurt for snack (thank God that Costco now sells cases of Oikos Zero) and raid the freezer for protein for dinner. No time for snacking or grazing after dinner. Weight is back down to 205.2 and should continue to drop. Not the ideal way to get back on track, but it's what I've been dealt.

Oh, and my ex-husband and his wife are being total A-holes. I was able to put off court for 2 weeks without his consent. I won that battle and hope to win the war, but I have more important wars to fight right now.

oh, Joey! Looking for that magic wand for you, but cannot find it. So sorry.

Joey, I am so sorry. Things just seem to pile up for you. Thank god for the new doctor. Your grandsons are so lucky to have you and how wonderful that they can show you. Good luck with $ issues. I hope you can get some assistance. Food Pantry maybe?