Sunday May 21

Great topics --

• Yearning to eat and drink "like normal people"
• How much alcohol is too much?
• Socializing without sabotaging our weight/health goals, etc.

I cannot tell anyone what they should be doing. But because these issues have been a source of lifelong anxiety for me and even more so since WLS (nearly 3 years ago), below are some things I've observed / learned / haven't learned yet about my own changing relationship to these issues:

For the last 6-7 years, hubby and I have cruised often on a small, luxe, all-inclusive cruise line (all alcohol, restaurants, in-suite bar, room service, etc. are included in the fare). It's been fascinating to us to observe what and how much other passengers eat and drink at breakfast, lunch and dinner meals and in the bars.

BTW, on any given cruise the passengers are pretty "international," and although tilted toward Americans, Canadians and Europeans (of all stripes), the passenger lists also include Africans, Australians, and Asians.

And guess what -- at least half (maybe more) of the passengers don't appear to overeat -- especially not the women. Per their behavior, that's what's "normal" for this demographic. Many women regularly take single 3-4 ounce wine pours. Some passengers have wine only at dinner, not at lunch. Some people don't ever eat bread -- others allow themselves bread only on alternate days. Same with desserts. Same with red meat.

Many folks regularly walk and exercise (in various ways) daily and choose very active excursions (hiking, kayaking, etc.) and always take the stairs (instead of elevators) when onboard.

Certainly, no one claims to be "dieting" on these cruises, but it's apparent that when given choices of an antipasto, a salad, a soup, a fish, a meat, a pasta, and dessert courses (and every one of these and more courses are offered every evening) that most people choose only 3 courses. Happily, the servings are European (not American) portion sizes.

Hubby and I have realized that "what's normal" is defined by the behavior of those around us. I know that if we traveled on a different kind of cruise line we'd be influenced to eat more than we do on these cruises.

For the record, I do gain weight on these cruises -- from 2-4 pounds. Since having had WLS, my strategy is to lose a couple of pounds pre-trip and then bear down after we get back home to lose my excess weight until I'm back down to my weight goal. NONE of this happens rapidly. In fact, I've just spent the last month losing 3 excess pounds that were a bit stubborn coming off, and I'm now a pound below my goal weight. For reasons that are obvious to other WLS patients I'm always more comfortable when I'm just below my goal weight than just above it. ;)

I could go on at greater length about my thoughts about alcohol and WLS patients, alcohol and women, and alcohol and senior citizens. I'll condense all my obsessions down to this: when we're not cruising or on vacation I now limit my alcohol to 5 ounces/day. That's precisely how "social drinking" is defined for women -- 5 ounces/day and no more than 7 drinks in week. Period.

Having made the above self-righteous claim about my self-imposed limits on alcohol consumption, on those rare occasions when I'm around people who drink more than 5 ounces/day, I drink more, too. So there's that. And there's everything that could mean -- about me, about hanging out with people who drink more than I drink, about how subject I am to peer pressure at the ripe old age of 71, about the need to choose one's companions carefully, about situational definitions of "normal," etc. etc. etc.

This is a great topic, and I'd like to hear more from others -- about what challenges these issues raise for them and how they're dealing with them.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

Some very interesting thoughts here. I will have to think and respond in more detail tomorrow but I wanted to mark my spot.

I maybe differ from some others on here in that I do believe that A) Normal people do eat/can eat more than me. That's their makeup. I'm finally coming around to accept this truth after 7 years plus an entire lifetime. But the more I observe my peers, the more I believe this to be true. B) I continue to try to find "normal" within the confines of what's necessary for me to lose weight. It sounds like you've been very successful at this, too! It's so popular to do "no x, y, z". Trouble is, it's almost impossible to live that way. Now I do believe for some people certain trigger foods set them down an undesireable path. Problem is that for me I will eat the forbidden food, and then my brain is so clever that it convinces me that I might as well eat...and eat with abandon because "I failed." All or nothing thinking is toxic for me. But it definitely took some trial and error to realize this. Sometimes I wish I still had strict diets because then you get that cheat day. I don't get that anymore :( Yes I had some poor food choices, but I didn't get to go all out (and thank goodness my sleeve limits me too). I guess what I'm saying is, a food only becomes a "trigger food" if I give it permission to.

I was very impressed with your limited weight gain on your cruise. I think that must be very difficult. That's why I'm more anxious about Mexico all-inclusive than I was about Hawaii. I despise buffets (always have, truth be told) and even though we'll primarily eat at sit-down restaurants, it's practically buffet in that you can order and try as much as you want. Danger! So it's definitely going to take some discipline. And there isn't much activity on a vacation like this. As opposed to our European vacations where I have walked 15-25,000 steps/day!

Thank you for the thought-provoking conversation. I'm gonna be sleeping and thinking about it. I'd bet you'd agree with me that the important thing at this far out is not to throw the baby out with the bath water. Thin people surely do overeat. They even go on vacation and gain weight. But they come home and lose a few. They don't overeat tomorrow simply because they made bad choices today! That's nonsense!

Weight: 134.2

Macros: Cals - 1,824, Carbs - 192, Fat - 63, Protein - 105, Fiber - 25

Veggies/fruits: 6 (goal is 7)

Sleep: 8 hours

Exercise: None (but cleaned house like a bride)

* * *

It's a glorious day here sunny, a little cool, a little breezy. This morning I broke Liz's good sleep rule and slept in until after eight o'clock after staying up late last night to watch the SNL season-ender. Since I rarely sleep in, it felt luxurious. Once again, I'm gobsmacked to be sleeping so much better than I have in years. What a wonderful addition good sleep is to my post-WLS healthier lifestyle!

Today's big events are:

1. I'm cooking a real Sunday dinner (pork tenderloin, small colored potatoes sautéed in a little EEVO, Romaine leaves and blue cheese dressing, with a pinot noir) and

2. (Gulp!) Getting my passport-renewal photo taken. Hubby says, "What's the big deal? Just go to Walgreens." Ha! Little does he know how much prep is needed for a photo that'll follow me around the next ten years of my life.

Next week's theme is Gratitude.

Husbands! What's the big deal about a passport photo? Hello??? I renewed mine last year. I couldn't bare to ask the same place for a re-shoot so ultimately I ended up with pics from 4 different places.

I may have missed this....but did your DH have his scan?

So funny -- can't wait to tell hubby that you went to 4 different places to get a good passport photo. That's SO GIRLY!

And yes -- he had his scan, and the results were GREAT: No visible evidence of disease. "NED" it's called. A beautiful acronym. :) Thanks for asking.

NED. Gratitude :)

Happy Queen Victoria Day!

It is going to be sunny here again today. Most of my steps today will have to be in the house and garden. If I get my act together, I'll take Buster down to the urban trail around the lake. It is flat (boring!) and will be super busy on a day like today. But, that doesn't matter.....sun, water, warmth DO matter after a long, soggy, winter.

And, as a quick aside, my DH isn't interested in getting into shape. Different than most of my friends, he has zero interest in talking about food/activity for health. That isn't new.....he never has. But, his 50 year old body isn't able to maintain a level of fitness that came naturally in the previous decades. I worry about his health. I also wish that he would be a bit of a hiking buddy even if he doesn't want to walk uphill. (We hiked together before I got fat then he hiked alone.)

But, mostly I worry about his long term health prospects. And he knows what those long term prospects EXACTLY look like because his parents are living them. I don't drive his bus, I know that. And I don't think it is helpful to backseat drive. So far, my alternative has been to toss out (on occasion) that I have found a hike that I think he might like (flat, 2-3 miles, around a lake) but he very rarely takes me up on it. Again, this a flip from when I was terribly out of shape (much worse than he is now) and he was active. I am sure that he sees that, too. And I am sure he wished that he could have taken over the driving when I was a physical mess.

Enough of that "quick aside"

Hug your skinny! Shel

Greetings Great People

So much food for thought today. 135.5 still. I spent a lovely afternoon playing scrabble with a group of friends. These people are highly skilled players but we keep it relaxed and fun. It was so lovely we played out on the deck. I soaked up some vitamin D

I played a guy who is my age and he ate three plates or more of lasagne, salads, apple crisp and all kinds of stuff. Thousands of calories. I stuck with tiny portions and the carrots and hummus dip I brought. I sometimes find myself envying such people (skinny guy) but he works outside a lot and is no doubt very active.

So I guess thats just the way the world is. My Base metabolic rate is extremely low (doctor thought it was a mistake) but thats just how it is for some of us. I just have to accept that I can't eat more than 1300 calories per day. But I could have a lot of worse lots in life. I am lucky to have education, a great husband and a pleasant life and good health at age 65. So I will take those things and eating modestly is what I have to do to keep it, so be it.

Alcohol is an interesting issue. I really do like my wine. I find that a glass when I get home from studio work is relaxing and I feel it keeps me from eating. Its my treat instead of crackers. So I still do it and its sometimes two glasses. Gotta find balance . I might weigh less if I didn't drink wine but I might weigh more if I ate nuts and crackers. Who knows. Right now its what I choose. My husband does not drink at all and disapproves if I have more than one glass but we sort if have an agreement to disagree about it. He eats a lot of junk food though he walks a lot with the dogs.

Anyone who has not had a base metabolic rate test should do so. I need to do a repeat one now that the university here has the facilities.

Carbon hope the pain goes away. No fun and gets in the way of life. I do use advil maybe once a month for one thing or another.

Ok I am gonna call the health club that I get for free and see if I can get a personal trainer to design me a weight routine that I can do with my gimpy hands. I can lift the weight but can't grip things with my hands. I have a whole wardrobe of special gloves that I have used. Using machines that have padding might be the ticket.

Take care all. Happy Victoria day. Sounds like a reason to party to me. (my idea of partying being an intense scrabble game - I won my last game today by playing "penises" on a triple for 86 points. Lots of laughs on that one. Diane S

Quick response before bed but I'll have more tomorrow

Yes I was pretty shocked how low my metabolic rate was, as well. 1405! Now I'm not sure if this includes daily physical activity (like breathing, etc.) or not--but my doc treated it as though it did!! Because I had told him I averaging about 1200 calories, and working out 5x/week and he acted like that should average out to about my 1lb-1.25lb./week. Certainly lower than my peers. I've eaten with my SIL and am AMAZED how she maintains thinner than me, at 50 years old, eating full plates of food, often dessert, and nearly always 2 ****tails (or 2 wine if at home).

I think the thing that helped me most was thinking about it in terms of everyone has a bailiwick. Learning and school came much more easily to me than others. Metabolism comes more easily to them :) I hate it. I WISH I could have a day of eating like that (remember not long ago someone asked about wanting to eat like they did pre-wls, and that definitely happens to me occasionally), but I'm beginning to get comfortable with the truth that will never be my calculus. I can be thin and eat less. Or be fat and eat what they eat. Those are the ONLY two options.

I love my wine too. 1 glass isn't so bad, and I can treat as a snack. I find it's when I drink over 2 that I get into the drink more/eat more mood. It's not very often, but at my age and profession (and my husband's industry), I feel like it does happen. I guess those just have to be my days I say "not the best" and move on.

Queen Victoria Day, huh? Well, booooooooooo this Canadian holiday. That holiday was another nail in the coffin of my breeding plans. FedEX doesn't pick up in Canada on holidays!