Thursday April 13

Happy Thursday. Weight 115.5, calories 852.

My management is okay with my compressed work schedule so it basically starts right away: 10 hour days Monday-Wednesday, 4 hour days early on Thursday-Friday so I'm done by late morning. That way I can take DH to do things those days. DS will usually be around on Mondays and sometimes Tuesdays. Today we may go to the gym, but will definitely walk on the beach. I need to start thinking bout activities. I don't feel old enough, but maybe the senior center?

The other "interesting" occurrence at work is that I need to tell the individual laid off last week that she isn't after all. One of the other people is taking a position in another group, so the HR attorney says we have to give her position back even if she prefers to leave and take the severance. Kind of weird, but hopefully she will be happy (have to talk to her this morning).

DH seems to be doing better and is okay with not driving right now, so maybe the Lexapro is already kicking in?

I hope you all have a great day!

Good morning everyone

Liz glad things are looking up.

A very very quiet day. Good food and 1/2 hours walk. And the rain continues. Please tell me that there is , in fact, a sun.

Happy doggie trails to Kairk and Diane. And well done Dave. Shel, a lovely post.

ever onward

Hi Carbon!

Liz-Good to hear work is being accommodating

Weight: 156.2 (yuck) Calories: 1459 Exercise: 1 hr. bodypump

I guess some days you just have to say I did my best. And I guess it's just darned hard being lower weight and trying to lose more weight. It's no secret that eating out is counterproductive to weightloss efforts. But sometimes we have to do it. And sometimes it's fun or convenient. It's not reasonable or desirable for me to give that up. And I have drastically reduced it (from eating out basically every lunch****ep thinking in my mind of all the things I've cut out or down on and the exercise I've added and days like today when the scale goes up I think "maybe the wine and out to lunch and no exercise but instead binging on netflix is worth being 10lbs. heavier".

Breathe in. Yesterday I had a business lunch. At least I knew enough to know that everything was high calorie. But I earnestly thought I was choosing something not terrible. I got a grilled chicken avocado club sandwich and for my side I asked about how the seasonal vegetable, green beans, was prepared. When they told me it was served in a butter sauce, I asked if they could make it without butter. This seems like such a serious thing to do! And for the sandwich I ate only half, and took some of the bread off the remaining half. I thought I would have to guesstimate the calories for the sandwich. I thought I was overestimating when I guessed 900 calories for the whole sandwich. much to my disappointment MFP actually had the sandwich listed--and the whole thing is 1185 calories!! Jeez!!! Dinner was two shrimp tacos which still added up. We stopped at a taco shop after taking DSS to bus. And these are not the things that normal people--or even calorie educated people--would think would kill a diet. Arghh. The worst.

Well at least I did go to bodypump. I burned somewhere 250-300 cals. It was a new release so a slightly different regimen. I think I get fearful I won't make it all the way through, especially since this is a high rep, no rest exercise class. And that leads me to lifting too light. I feel like my workouts haven't been as fulfilling this week, and I'm not losing, and being highly critical. Not sure which comes first. Going to try and get my positive thinking on for tonight's workout. I think we're going to do shoulders, bis and tris. I feel like biceps are my strongest arm/chest-area muscle so I'm excited what I can do with that. *Positive body thoughts*

208. My body has been going through changes of some sort or other and my head is fighting it hard. My body insists that it is fat and unhealthy. My mind is trying to convince my body otherwise. I have been craving frozen drinks from Costco and McDonald's. I accidentally got both the other day. Let me explain... One of our client's properties was broken into, nothing was stolen, but I had to meet with the cops and inspect the property. I had to wait for one of our guys to secure the property. Of course, none of this was planned so I was unprepared, hungry, hot, thirsty and had to go to the bathroom. What else can we add to this situation? Uh, stress. When the guy finally arrived, I ran to the nearby McDonalds to use the bathroom and bought smoothies for myself and the guy and bought a triple cheese burger which I ate without the bun. Still rational enough to remove the bun. After work, I stopped at Costco for a chicken Caesar salad for dinner and got a mocha latte. Later that evening, I was attacked by my body. Too ... much ... sugar and crap ... had ... to ... get ... it ... OUT! Hopefully! this time I learned my lesson. Let's hope. Drinking my calories has never really been my problem, but there it is. Back on plan, tracking and making the best decisions for myself today. (My 12-step mantra said to myself while descending each flight of stairs at work ... I will try to make the very best decisions for myself today.)

My daughter has been much more emotional after having her medications changed due to possible interactions. The kidney doctor figured he'd tell her to stop taking the Zoloft because maybe it's interacting with her other more important medications. tick tick BOOM. Everything she has going on in her life with her kidney failure, her husband's massive stroke, financial problems, her kids, the future, the past, missing her grandparents... came down on her. The silver lining is she finally agreed to seek more help from her social worker. I set up the appointment for her tomorrow morning.

On top of that, my son was crushed yesterday to find out that the team psychologist that we consulted as extra backup to his psychiatrist's approval DENIED him for VSG surgery. I told my son it is probably something that can be easily fixed, he probably needs a letter from his regular psychiatrist, not the one from the IOP psychiatrist, but this psychologist's partner reviewed the letter after our last group session and gave it a thumbs up. I'm sure my son signed a Hipaa but they would not discuss it with me. He has an appointment next week so we will see. He was much better last night and today because my daughter dropped off her youngest son, who is the best medicine on the planet.

Onward. twitch

Always so much for you to cope with. You are the strength in your family.

Thank you. I feel inadequate and weak, but I keep going, so that's something.

You are doing more than most anyone can do. NOT inadequate or weak at all. Take care of yourself so you don't break.

137 OTD

Day off today and the boys are home for Easter break. Went to radiation with DH this morning and talked with the radiation oncologist. Also talked with the insurance company to see about getting a second consult regarding surgery.

Went grocery shopping and picked up some Easter candy (for the boys, yeah right!) I now have a black tongue from licorice jelly beans! Have not touched the Reese's peanut butter eggs. Easter menu planned - full of high fat, caloric dense sides to fatten DH up (he had now lost 7 lbs. since starting treatment and they don't want him losing any). Problem is they will fatten me up too. Moderation will be key!

Still wishing I was going away somewhere warm and sunny. Hiking he coast in Hawaii like we did last summer sounds divine - though DH wouldn't be able to do that much exercise at this point anyway!

Is there somewhere you could go for a short respite? Maybe someplace warm and more of a spa/take care of you atmosphere? I don't know exactly how that would work with your DH's treatment. Or maybe have a hopeful plan for after treatment? I find that planning/anticipation can be half the fun.

Same with my Easter menu. I will still focus on protein first--ham and deviled eggs--but others will definitely be present. My approach this year is not to overmake. You'd think I was starved as a kid. I hate not having an abundance of food. But it looks like there will just be 6 of us. Therefore no need to make 6 side dishes or two pies. And that hopefully means I'll enjoy to the fullest on Sunday and back to regularly scheduled programming on Monday. Okay maybe a ham sandwich or crustless quiche along the way. Moderation. Absolutely

Even a pedicure can feel like decadence. My current life goal is to take time for myself for a pedicure, maybe next weekend.