Monday April 10

Greetings Joey

We must have been posting at the same time. Yeah those video games can take over the house. Can't believe your shrink says to eat green beans. Well duh!

Anyway, hope you feel better soon and that weight gain is probably phantom weight.

Take care. Diane S

Thank you. The numbers on the scale are so scary! I need to move my scale to friendlier flooring.

Wow! So much thoughtfulness on this board today!

Weight up .4 this morning. My eating is in concert with WL yet.

Back to school this morning. 6:15 came far too early for my taste!

Diane O - I have to address this scale issue. LOL! The only thing that changed was the scale number. Your body is the same. Your body, your weight, EVERYTHING about you is the same. The scale changed. It is a number on a mechanical device. You recalibrated the mechanism and it is now more "accurate", but you have not changed one iota. So, are you upset by the number on the device or by the fact that you are 3 pounds more than you thought you were and it's a matter of actually being in your range?

Diane S - puppy video is on Facebook. I hear you on the giving up every other indulgence. That thinking and belief is part of what has held me from being a successful maintainer. Of course, I think my issues and effed up-ness are pretty profound comparatively, so take it with a grain of salt. But... part of my thing is that I have given up EVERYTHING other than food that I have put in my mouth as a form of coping and comfort - booze, cigarettes, less than legal things, etc... and because of that I am resentful about giving up ice cream and cookies and the sugary sweets that I have grown to rely on as my recreational relaxation tools. And like you, I eat this crap at night when you drink your wine. My shrink says I need to find a suitable substitute. My problem is that while I know that I need to figure out some alternative, I'm not really willing to give up the sugary junk today. Knowing that is pretty powerful and makes it easier to be gentle with myself while I continue to work through this ****!

BB- the queasiness is not a bad thing. It's hard to endure, but it is simply a side effect of a strenuous work out. What it has come to mean for me is that I am pushing myself beyond comfort level. It's this push that builds up stamina and endurance. You don't want to get sick, but that moment or two of "I have to stop for a minute before going on" is okay. I had to take a minute or two the last exercise of my last workout so I would have enough strength to complete the final movement. Know you are doing a wonderful thing for your body even though it's tough at the time.

I need to do some journaling about where I am in my process. It will help me go forward with next steps. The thing about change is that it takes work. I essentially don't want to do the work. I want a magic pill, but alas, it doesn't exist. Once I get the thoughts out of my head and comprehensibly on "paper" I will be better equipped to move on to the next step - whatever that may be.

Dog show prep the next few days and have to get a couple of shirts tonight. My taxes are done and sent in. Though tired, all is right with my world today.

Thanks for the reassurance, Devon (did I even mention my husband works for a company called Devon hehe!). Yeah I have a love/hate relationship with hard workouts. On Saturday I nearly bust into tears because my husband was "encouraging" me to do more but I felt at my limit and actually felt "bullied." And I really was at my limit. But I hate when I go workout and come back and feel fine. Because then I don't feel like I've accomplished anything.

I'm so glad you workout! I'm sure you would agree with me that it's a good self esteem booster. I never thought I'd think hat way. Especially after being shamed in gym/sports as a kid. But it's like if I can do something I can feel good about it. Even sometimes when I eat really healthy--it's not reflected on the scale. But this is more of an internal metric.

I've been thinking about this for several days. And I don't know where to put it. I might eventually blog about it--not that anyone reads that. But I guess more of a To Me.

My sister was mentioning several people who we've followed who had surgery around our time or after--and their weight gain. She suggested we do a post about how we've been successful.

I thought: I don't know. Am I a success? How do you define that? Is there a cutoff date for that? I think it's different from sobriety, but maybe in some ways the same. Maybe it's more like counting "7 years I've been eating less" I also didn't like it when people said "you're never cured" but there's 100% truth in that.

>>>This is the part where I have to insert a huge disclaimer. I do not think I was bad before. I don't even think I necessarily ate poorly. Until the day I die I will maintain that I was the healthiest fat person. I probably eat more sweets now than I did fat. Looking back, yes, I ate a lot more than I do now. Duh. I still think I have a tougher go at my metabolism than most. I got help. I'm not ashamed. I'm so thankful there is medical help out there for people. And while I'm very bitter that weight is the tough and unfair card for me, I've finally resigned myself to accepting it. I will get fat if I eat more. And the world is not as nice to fat people. I hate both of those truths. But I have accepted that a) I had to have surgery to lose weight, b) I have to continue (unfairly) to eat less to maintain my weightloss, and c) society is unfairly critical of overweight people and though I would like to take on the world and change their minds, I was only able to change myself.

I don't think I'm immune from regain. I didn't make me bad then, it doesn't make me bad now. I hope it doesn't happen. And I'm just trying to do my best to keep it at bay.

I don't know why some people regain and other's don't. And I don't feel authority to speak about it. I'm really at a loss. But I guess in hopes of continuing this maintenance/loss trend, or helping anyone who stumbles across this, I'll take a stab at it.

-I think it's easier to maintain if you get down to goal/near-goal weight. I kinda lost steam before getting down to my real goal (138.5--half myself) but I did get into normal bmi kind of by luck. Honeymoon phase is real. It can be done later (currently doing it) but it's much harder.

-I weigh every day. So many people are against this. I just pretty much have to. It takes some of the power away from the scale--because I can tell whether I truly ate enough over the last day to gain 3lbs.! Ha! In the past I would get too scared to step on the scale, put it off, worry that I'd have to go on a diet, so eat....and 3 months later I'd gained 20lbs.

-Every day, every meal counts. I still can get into the dieting mindset of "this day/week/month is blow....let's go out for Chinese" (and that's such a freeing feeling to have...in the moment) but mostly I remember not all is lost (I think this is where feeling like I'm already at/close to goal comes in).

-All praise to sleevie! I really really try not to stretch it out. Of course it's bigger (by a lot) than it was at first. But that had to happen, right? I never eat more than 1/2 a meal out. That can be pretty hard. I love food and mentally want more. But I have allowed myself to snack. That's gotten me into a little trouble later on, but at least I think it helped me keep my sleeve tight.

-I can't always eat what I want. Even with eating small portions, if I eat what I want all the time, I get fat. I hate this reality. Maybe it's unfair. Maybe it's not. But it's the darn truth. Even putting this down here makes me mad! I think about what my stepdaughter eats!!! But who cares??! As a food lover, this has been the hardest thing for me. I think I could eat 5 times a day every day and still not get to try and cook all the foods I want in a lifetime. I'm always thinking about food. But sometimes I just have to say no. And it's really uncomfortable. Now that I think about it, this is probably #1

-My support system. My sister had surgery the same day as me and we look really similar (some people think we're twins). We joke that neither of us wants to be the "fat twin". Also, my husband joined the gym so now I actually go! He never really gets more than 30lbs. overweight, so it's interesting to watch his relationship with food. He's not nearly so emotional about it as I am. It's very mathematical like: I'm overweight. I need to lose weight. Therefore I must eat less. That's so refreshing.

-Clothing!

-I just remember how much the me who decided to have this surgery wanted this to work. And I really don't want to disappoint her.

I don't know if I'm a success or not. But I can tell you I feel proud about what I've done. I lost 126lbs. and always maintained within 15lbs. (and most of the time within 10lbs.) for nearly 6 years. And now I'm within a few pounds of that...hoping to keep up the energy to get all the way to my goal.

But just like how I don't know whether I'm a success because this story is still going, the story hasn't ended for people who have regained. Even if you regain everything! You are worthy, and there are so many chapters ahead. And regardless of your weight, I hope you do whatever you need to do to feel good about yourself. That's the only opinion that really matters.

LOVE this!

Clearly, you are a success! No doubt about it!

Awesome, awesome, awesome post! Thank you so much for the effort you made to put this in writing and to share it with us.

I'm not quite 3 years post-op. I am in awe of what you've accomplished during the last 7 years.

And for the record, I think you're a great success!

Ann