Tuesday March 21

Liz, I think you can paint wall paper but if at some point you wanted to remove the paper it might be more difficult. On the gift, I wouldn't have any problems with someone returning a gift I had given and left the slip in.

WT 219 up 2 but I ran out of my diuretic by accident. BP is good. Hands are puffy. Calories 1550.

The first day of spring and we find out the air in the airstream doesn't work. 95 inside. Sounds like a bad compressor. I can't find any of my papers on it so may not even have warranty. Cool the rest of the week so I have time to get one and change it out. $800 Ouch!!

More later, David

Weight today: 134.4

Macros: Cals - 1,668, Carbs - 183, Fat - 69, Protein - 88, Sugar - 58, Fiber - 8

Veggies/fruits: 2 (goal is 7)

Sleep hours: 6 (goal is 8)

Exercise: None

Today's plans: Yoga class, laundry, packing, reading, crosswords with hubby

* * *

Boy! Yesterday's big trip to town, with lots of shopping and lunch out, was fun, but it was not a nutritious day. I love playing, but I also love coming home and getting back in the groove. Whew, relief!

I wish I had something exciting to report. But I got nothing. Except that yesterday I found a gorgeous pair of Calvin Klein winter boots at Macy's on sale for -- wait for it -- $33. I really do believe Macy's is going out of business. They are giving it away!

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133 today. Sigh, 132 just couldn't stick. Oh well. Thats still about my high school weight when I thought I was so fat and now I see a thin person in the mirror.

Paula, I would probably keep those shells since DH remembered to get them for you. But I sort of hoard stuff so if there is something you would prefer, by all means do it.

Dave stay cool. At least you can get it fixed now before the depths of summer.

Hate the thought of having to replace floors but pets take their toll. We have a huge area rug over the carpet that has taken a beating due to puppy and geriatric dog. Some day it will get tossed. Our house has ugly flooring throughout but we will just live with it since we have the dog pack. Paula be glad you have a place to stay when all the mess comes. I heard its a good idea to put a coat of Kilz down before putting in a new floor to keep dog odors from sneaking out.

Well the sky is nice and blue but I hear the rain starting. Curses.

Paula glad to see DH is writing on his site. A good thing.

BB congrats on breaking the barrier. Cooking sounds great. Thanks for sharing menu ideas. We have not had salmon in awhile which is weird since its caught around here commercially. Ditto crab. I think I will do a little mexican thing tonight with carbs low (at least as low as you can get with refried beans which is not very).

Art gallery tomorrow afternoon which means dullness. Walking in circles and probably a walk to the bank.

Ocean Diane sorry you had the big water bill. Always something going wrong with home ownership. Tesla was just trying to take down a floor lamp. Nothing is safe. Gotta do some training with her pronto.

Thats about it. Peace and cheers to all. Diane S

A little funny for the day to which I know we can all related!

Calories: 1307, protein 108, carbs 73, fat 66 (so protein 33%, carbs 22%, fat 45%). See, Bonnie, about the same as you.

I have a cold. Boooo! I'm at work, but I'd rather be home resting. The rain is not helping. This weather makes me want to stay home and curl up with a book or a good movie.

Had an interesting session with therapist yesterday. Meds were making me a bit "cheerful" - LOL. I was also very frank about everything and we talked about the BED and how that might affect my perception of dealing with my eating. I really consider the BED as another piece of the puzzle that will help me put this all together. I don't find knowing I have BED a detriment to my weight loss. On the contrary, I think it's going to help me better deal with my issues and get a handle on my eating.

I also brought up my body dysmorphia. She brought an interesting perspective to the conversation I had not thought of before. Because of the mandatory diets at such a young age I got the message that my body was "wrong". As she put it, "You didn't really stand a chance." Another ah ha, that I found relaxing, rather than stressing. (I don't blame anyone because parents do the best they can and I know mine were trying to help and do what they thought was right for me.)

Because of my experience in my formative years, I have never felt "good enough". Doesn't really matter what I pursue, I eventually feel as if I don't measure up as I should. My overarching question yesterday was, "What is good enough?"

Well, enough of the psycho babble for today. Uplifting news is that a friend is giving me his dog show van. He and his wife have retired from showing and breeding and they have decided to give me the van. That's right - give. How nice is that????? Now, it's old, but it's longer and in equal, if not better, shape than mine.

Puppy does not want to eat. She wants her mama! I'm sure she will get hungry enough that she will begin to eat in the next couple of days.

Hmmmm.....

quotation marks and apostrophes come out as question marks since OH made the switch. There always seem to be typo glitches with OH. Interesting.

Yay on the calories, but more importantly the tracking.

I feel you on the "broken body." Like you, I have been dieting since I was a kid. I went on my first official diet at 9 (I was 135 then--seriously, I'm only 25 pounds over my 9 year old weight lol). Parents meant well, and at least they chose weigh****chers. (it was fat and fiber way back then--oh hey, maybe that's why I'm so spooked by fats!! We were limited to something like 20g a day)

Aaaaanyway, between the weight on the scale, the aforementioned PE class "shaming" experience, and trying to find outfits that fit in the very limited "pretty plus" (not so pretty) section of JCP, I would describe it as feeling betrayed by my body. I felt so mad at my body for holding me back. I have held a grudge on my body.

I'm not sure I've ever entirely let that grudge go. Perhaps it's because we are so often told that we took the "easy way out" to lose weight. Perhaps it's because I didn't know how to love my body. I guess I always thought self-love could only come if I turned to things other than body (like academic achievement). I'm only a month in, but I am really enjoying that exercising, and weightlfing in particular, has given me another metric by which to appreciate my body. Seeing that I can do it, push myself, sweat, hurt, grow, has been SO positive. I feel proud of my body.

Thanks for the enlightenment. Sounds like you're really getting somewhere!

Wow, we share some commonalities! I was 7 for the first diet. I didn't get put on weigh****chers until I was 13 and that was in the later 70s and we still had to eat LIVER at least once per week and make your own damn ketchup! Not good for a 13 year old boy. Fat and Fiber didn't come around until I was in my late 20s or 30s. See how young you are?!

I was taken to JCP for the HUSKY section. Oh, lord, I learned to hate that word. The day I wore slim fit jeans was the day the bells pealed in my personal heaven!

With the weight issues, my bone disease, and the messages I got growing up I realized that I view my body as deformed. I truly do. So, no matter what weight I am, it's never good enough because there are the "deformities" I will never be able to change. Thus, my work on finding "good enough".

Hey can I relate to the fat kid stuff and resulting humiliation. Pediatrician telling me to lose 10 lbs in 5th grade. Taking fitness tests and not being able to do a single pull up. I would just hang there on the bar. Being referred to at camp as "that tubby little blonde". Unable to ride a kids car ride at a fair because I was too heavy and it didn't work. On and on it went. You all know the drill.

Well, only took me 50 years to get over that. Diane S

Horrifying experience when I was a very young teen -- A substitute bus driver missed our stop, everybody was yelling for him to stop, including the introverted normally very quiet chubby girl -- me. He walked past everyone else and yelled at me that just because I was big and fat didn't mean I had to have a big fat mouth. Nobody spoke and nobody ever mentioned it again, thank God! I realize now that I was actually lucky that the kids did not torment me about this. My dad was furious, went down to the school's transportation department, the guy denied it ... nothing happened except it being repeated in my head on a loop ever since.

My very thin cousin who told me I could never wear hip huggers like hers because I was too fat (at 5) is now very fat and still resorts to calling me FAT whenever we argue. She is a crazy person, so arguments happen every few years. She did this recently and the family laughed at her, because she is at least twice my size now. That was an Ah-HA moment that my mother was right that people are just trying to hurt when they say mean things and just because they say it, does not mean that it is true.