03/08/17

I would get caught, without a doubt ... unless I do it after hours. I'm here late all the time. Cue the Mission Impossible music. I am going to leave her a pretty box of tissues also...to soften the blow.

Weight today: 134.4

Macronutrients: Cals - 1,626, Carbs - 189, Fat - 55, Protein - 101, Sugar - 101, Fiber - 31

Veggies/fruits yesterday: 5 (goal is 7)

Exercise yesterday: Yardwork and mowing (storm cleanup)

Plans for today: No aquarobics (pool closed for maintenance), laundry, more storm cleanup outside and mowing, crosswords with hubby,

* * *

Crrraaazy weather here, still -- 60s today, 70s tomorrow, and snow/ice/hail predicted this weekend. Sheesh! ;)

In addition to my eat-more-veggies 2017 program I'm doing a get-off-sleep-aids program. Since menopause (20 years ago) I've had trouble consistently getting enough good sleep. Over the years I've used Tylenol PM, melatonin, other OTC aids, and Ambien (5 mg., which is half a tab). This winter I used Ambien for several months almost every night, which was more than I felt was wise. But my sleep was suffering -- probably because I'm walking less due to bad weather and getting less sunshine. My primary Ambien complaint was that I thought it made me sluggish and not as able to concentrate as well when reading.

As it turns out, there's a whole "thing" about how to wean yourself off addicting drugs. I read this NYTimes article re "More on Sleeping Pills and Older Adults" and downloaded this weaning chart for "sedative hypnotic Rx drugs." I'm on Week Five and already sleeping longer and deeper than I have in months!

Also, a big shout-out to whoever it was (here?) who said wearing socks had improved her sleep. Hubby and I are both now wearing socks to bed, and he says he thinks it's helping his sleep. Because I'm mixing up my treatments, I can't attribute my better sleep solely to the socks. But I'm sticking with 'em. :)

204 this morning, going back down. I keep swimming (not literally, but like Dori), eating well, logging everything, watching my macros, sleeping as best I can (like a rock last night), taking my vitamins, walking as much as possible and knowing when to sweat the small stuff (not now).

My daughter is feeling better today after an iron infusion. (Thank you God.) I convinced her to start with the transplant process now instead of waiting for her health to improve. She may not be able to get the pancreas transplant at the same time as the kidney transplant if her health is not deemed to be up to snuff, but this dialysis nightmare cannot continue. If it needs to be two surgeries, it will be two surgeries. I hope it's one double, but we'll take whatever improvement we can get.

Hi all!

I have been MIA this past week as far as posting, though I have been reading every day. Thank you for your concern and special thanks to the two who contacted me privately yesterday and this morning. I am okay. I suppose I needed to take a break from posting. I believe in my last post last week I mentioned that I was experiencing some self critical thinking and was not sure where I was headed. I'm still a bit at odds with myself, but so it goes.

Truth be known that since I am dealing with the emotional baggage of regain, my "addict behavior", and the negative self talk that has been going on around these issues, I have not really had much to contribute to this board lately. Yes, a self imposed hiatus, but I think it was the right thing for me to do.

I read yesterday on the main VSG board that someone deactivated. I looked for evidence of the prior conversation and found nothing. Perhaps the venomous thread was deleted by the moderators. Who knows. I don't like the negative and holier than thou stance some of the posters adopt. I don't have time for that, so I ignore it and move on. That board certainly is not what it once was. It was so active and filled with people being supportive and sharing different ideas on how to deal with individual journeys. Yes, there were always camps, but I thought for the most part that the disagreements were civil. Every once in a while something would erupt, but I learned to stay out of it.

Still have some major issues going on in the weight department and my therapist believes that I'm showing signs of more than mild depression and thinks that the Wellbutrin is not an effective treatment for me. So, I have to contact PCP and get a referral to a psychiatrist who can consult and prescribe something else. I'm not so thrilled about that, but gotta do what I gotta do.

I have gained about 50% of my weight back (not quite, but close). I am fat. Just need to be honest and put that out there for you all. Therapist understands my concern, but also commented that when working through the emotional aspect of all this, it often gets worse before it gets better. F'ing great, right? She also recommends I have some outside accountability for me eating/weight. She suggested a nutritionist again. I'm not paying $60-$75 per session to listen to someone who knows probably less than I do about eating post WLS. I said I might do Weigh****chers just to weigh in weekly, but I'm still not even sure about that.

So there's my truth and maybe you can understand my hesitancy about posting lately.

I'm sorry some of you - especially Paula - are having a tough go of it right now. All we can do is live each day to the best of our ability. Nice to see BB posting this week.

Thanks again for the support.

BTW - the puppy, whose name has morphed into Piglet, because it is much more fitting, is doing well. She has more than quadrupled her weight in the past 14 days. She has gone from 12 oz to 53 oz. She's thriving, I'd say. I'm guessing she'll be 4 pounds before she's three weeks old.

I am also on Wellbutrin and would like to go back to Vyvanse. Vyvanse may be a good option for you, too.

However, my psychiatrist said she would not change my medication just to suppress my appetite or for me to lose weight. Seriously?! Vyvanse is for binge eating disorder. I let it go, because she is the best out there and I don't want to lose her. At my next appointment, I will bring documentation about binge eating disorder and Vyvanse.

Good morning all. I'm at 115 this morning. Reflecting on the waxing and waning of my enthusiasm at about 4.5 years post op. Despite the occasional waning, I'm grateful to still have my head in the game for the most part. Yes it gets harder as I get further out, so I find it important to remind myself how I felt when I was morbidly obese.

I have absolutely no advice to offer for those of you who have experienced some regain, other than to validate your ongoing struggle. However with that said, I think that sticking around here is an indication that all is not lost and that there are still things you are willing to do. All I can say is that I hope that this will lead to more capacity to address this over time. I suspect we are all learning from each other's successes and challenges. Let's keep the faith!

I'm still enjoying my work life but am looking forward to taking most of the summer off. Beginning to explore summer travel possibilities and waiting for the weather to warm up so we can start our rv reno.

Greetings Special People Who Play Well With Others

Well I looked at the main vsg forum because I am morbidly curious about whatever controversy there was. Just found a thread about the aftermath so I don't know what was said. Don't much care. Don't need drama. Plenty of it on tv.

133.5 today. Phooey I thought I was down a pound. Not so. And food danger event tonight. Art Gallery member meeting with "nibbles" (read: fattening grab foods" and wine.

So glad we have this little group and that we are welcoming to all.

Liz, that sucks what they did at your job. May help with your decision. Glad there is a support group for DH and hope DD is well soon.

Joey, prayers to you on the transplant thing. I think you should "present" that sneezing woman with a box of Kleenex and tell her to please sneeze into them. Also a bottle of hand sanitizer. Colds are hell.

Shel, good luck with the painting and painters tape. Even though I call myself an artist I always made a mess with that stuff.

Carbon, lightning hitting an airplane? yowza, too much excitement for me. Sounds like Mother Nature has it in for your town.

Dave a storm shelter is a good idea. Trailers are not good in tornados. Glad you enjoy being busy. I always need to have some sort of project in the works or I feel at loose ends.

Kairk good to hear from you. Sorry you are feeling sort of down. I bet you don't look fat even though you feel fat. Keep reminding yourself how fit you are.

Well we may catch a few days break from the rain. Sure could use it.

Well my cell phone charges on this one table and Tesla is showing great interest in it. Gotta move it or I am gonna have one chewed up iPhone.

Paula thinking of you. Check in when you can but don't feel compelled. There is enough on your "must do" list.

BB good on the gym. Maybe it will inspire me.

New art show went up at the gallery this week. Its fabulous. Should be stuff on it on the Arcata Artisans Facebook page.

All the best. Diane S

136.2 today. No exercise.

Went to ER last night to get on stronger antibiotics. Got a shot in my hip. Feel a little better today.

DH has PET scan tonight and esophageal ultra sound tomorrow. Results of both on Friday.

I'm glad you are feeling better. Thank you for the update. Prayers.

Good to hear from you Paula. Sending good energy. Diane S