March 7 Tuesday

Hey brownblond - it sounds like you are on the right track. If you want to get really serious try totally ditching the alcohol, at least until you westle your weight back down

I don't think that could hurt. However, not being allowed any small indulgence is not sustainable for me, even in the short term. But 3 glasses of red wine over 3 days, calculated into my calories would make me or break me. I hardly think I'm not "serious" yet. If taking my food scale with me everywhere and weighing in grams is any indication, I'd say I'm very very serious.

Paula--keeping you and your DH in my prayers. I scanned back and so sorry to hear that news.

No weight this morning, because my morning was technically my last night.

My daughter had to go back to the ER last night. I brought the boys home, put them to put with Dr. P-Nutt on guard and my son home, then checked in to the ER. 3 hours later, she was evaluated and brought into a room, blood drawn, etc. She did not want me to leave until the doctor came in and IV set up. When the doctor came in, he said they were going to run more tests and would probably admit her, so I went home. A little before 5:00, she called to say she was discharged and had to go home to hook up to the dialysis machine. So, I quickly showered, picked her up, and drove her home. Crawled back into bed with the sun up and it felt like the alarm was blaring within minutes. I reset the alarm for another hour of sleep, got the boys up, dressed, fed and dropped them at school. The younger remembered he had a big assignment for CCD that night, whi*****luded photos, so I had the older snap some photos of the younger, which I emailed to my daughter to print for tonight.

First thing this morning at work after settling in, I forwarded all of the transplant info to my daughter. Forget waiting for her health to improve prior to doing the transplant, I say full steam ahead NOW.

Stress food -- devil vending machines in the waiting areas -- I walked to the car and got drinks and a protein bar. I wanted chips, I still want chips, but chips are the devil.

Sucky day today. 136.something on the scale but honestly that is the least of my worries.

DS#1 wouldn't get out of bed for school, wouldn't say why. He is now (supposedly) doing late homework at the kitchen table. We will see. Not sure if he will even graduate.

Cleaning up DS#2s room, I have at least 8 loads of his laundry to do. These are his jobs that he refuses to do. DS#1 refuses as well I did his entire room about 1 1/2 weeks ago.

Ear is still red, swollen and sore and skin flap graft is dead. My doctor is on vacation in FL and nobody else will see me. I will have to wait until my regular appointment tomorrow which coincides with DHs PET scan appt. (I guess insurance must have approved it after the CT scan showed no other organ involvement). I talked with the nurse about my ear and she said it would be a long healing process with most likely weekly appts. Just what we need right now.

My two older kids need a huge swift kick in the butt. Both are being ******** when we need them to step up more than ever. Thank God our 14 year old is gem!

Paula, do you have access to any therapy resources?

I encourage you to take care of yourself in that manner right now, too.

You've got so much on your plate.

Sending you hugs and a virtual healthy casserole.

I'm not in any counseling right now, perhaps once treatment for DH starts and I get my ear under better control. I did call Mom (my best friend) and vented today - that felt good. Called my older 2 every F name in the book to Mom, I guess better than to their faces! I'm not winning any Mom of the year awards, I can tell you that! I did have a good talk with DS#1 this afternoon and he is finally willing to discuss going back on some meds. One step in the right direction for him!

Paula

Paula, it's so cool that you and your mom have that kind of relationship! Having her to unburden your thoughts and feelings to -- so valuable!

I disagree, you get the Mom of the Year award for sure!

Oh Paula, You are getting hit with so much at once. I can tell you are a strong woman, but enough is enough!

You are so lucky to have the Mom you have - sounds like she is able to be Mom, friend, and a bit of a therapist.