Monday February 13

115 - calories 1687.  

I have the cold now - scratchy throat, headache, starting the sniffles and couldn't fall asleep last night. Hopefully it won't be bad.  Then the brand new Keurig was not working right (though I finally did get a cup of coffee, thank goodness). 5 more days of WFH from here in sunny Florida, then back to Massachusetts on Saturday for 4 weeks.  I hope the snow is out of its system...

Have a good Monday!

I am in heaven ! Shared a glorious whale watch with my daughter yesterday... multiple sightings in Santa Monica bay, and our boat was escorted by 6-10 dolphins the entire time.

I'm using this ten days to re-center and strengthen the synergy with balance that is so essential to me. I have no scale, I'm not logging per se , and I'm not counting miles or steps. I am finding joy in moving freely, wherever I want to go, reveling in my stamina, strength and energy. I'm focusing on fueling my body to sustain that physical freedom. I am opening myself to the incredible spiritual energy I once again am able to experience.

So, so grateful !! Sending lots of positive energy to all of you.

Diane

Sounds wonderful Diane!  Not just the whale watch, but your plan for your 10 days is inspiring me to re-capture that joy! 

Good for you Diane. Enjoy!

Feel better Liz!

Greetings from the tundra!  I posted a couple of pictures to FB of our (almost) non-existent back deck.  Only the corner of one of the posts isn't buried under several feet of snow from the 3 storms we had this week.  Today's nastiness is still going on, so that post will probably be covered before it's all said and done.

The monster was taunting me yesterday, and I gave in to it.  Today is another day, so I will try to turn a deaf ear to it.  There's something about days like today, when I'm home for a storm, sick, etc., that is synonymous with eating.  Trying to start a new way of thinking.  We're hoping that when the snow stops, and the wind dies down, to snowshoe up and down our street to do something positive and healthy, instead of stuffing our faces.  Doing this for our youngest daughter too, who doesn't have any weight issues, but who would sit on her laptop all day if we let her.  Our dog loves the snow and it will be good for him to frolic in it as well.

Have a great day, and for those of you experiencing this storm - stay safe and warm!  Hugs, Mary

Snowshoeing would be a great way to build in exercise while enjoying the beauty of the snow. It really is gorgeous as long as you don't have to drive in it!

205.  My daughter was admitted to the hospital early yesterday morning.  The fluid they use in dialysis has glucose in it, which is wreaking havoc with her blood sugars making her sick.  It's a balancing act and are going to add insulin to her dialysis fluid bags to prevent the wicked highs.  The scary part is avoiding the wicked lows, which are so dangerous.  This is in the doctors' hands.

I have been going to bed super early with my grandsons to make sure they get enough sleep and I can see that it has benefited me as well.  I was able to get out of bed at 6 a.m. yesterday without being bleary and cranky. 

Although I was able to do some quick grocery shopping yesterday afternoon, I had nothing planned for dinner for the kids.  So... my grandsons successfully lobbied for happy meals from McDonalds.  I got an ice cream cone for myself not as an impulse but as a deal with myself in lieu of buying ice cream at the grocery store.  Then I had Greek yogurt and cottage cheese for dinner.  It was not perfect, but it was waaay better than the other things I was contemplating.  Small victories, but gotta do better.

Setting up the crock pot tonight for pulled pork.  Instead of adding barbecue sauce as I normally do, I'm going to add pork gravy and serve it over some frozen riced cauliflower I bought.  (Wishing I set up the crock pot last night.)

Small victories when you are coping with this are BIG victories. I hope they get your daughter stabilized soon.

Weight same (down .5)

So, as I said yesterday putting it out there and getting things out of my head helps. By posting yesterday I was able to look at my feelings from a different perspective. I could step away an evaluate without judgement what was going on on an emotional level. The emotional disquiet is due to really only two things: disappointment in my own choices and my physical/biochemical reaction to the ingestion of sugar. 

You see, I have no monster. I make choices. When I make food choices that do not match my desire to be a healthy weight those choices are usually based on the need to cope with some emotion for which I have used food to cope. The emotion can pretty much run the gamut, too: sad, angry, stressed, excited, happy, celebratory, you name it I have used food to cope. Those unhealthy choices are the driver in the negative thoughts. What I have to remember is that I have a lifetime of behaviors that need to be modified. This will take time - most likely the remainder of a lifetime. 

To compound the effects of my undesired choices I end up having strong biochemical reactions to being over sugared. Too much sugar seems to negatively affect my mood. I end up feeling depressed, but I also crave sugar more and more. When I want to stop eating sugar it takes a concerted effort to not eat foods with added sugar. Another issue that warrants consideration is the mental pull to continue to eat high sugar foods once the sugar enters my system. I can make all sorts of excused to continue to eat those foods. So understanding that the biochemical reaction extends to my thinking is very helpful. This understanding takes away (or at least should take away) the compulsion to blame myself for a weakness of character.

I need to high five Ann. Your perspective of "maintaining a healthy weight" made a strong impression on me. That thinking will benefit me if I can keep it in mind on a daily basis. Thanks for writing that yesterday. Your post was perfectly timed for me. 

Food is prepped and packed for a long day out of the house. I've included a tangerine, an apple and a small banana. Lun*****ludes green beans and dinner will be salad. While the fruit will up the carbs, at this point in time they are necessary for me to feel like I'm eating in a healthy and sustainable way. When I focus on low carb vegetables I feel both physically and mentally deprived. 

Got Blue's maternity trim done, dog food prepped for the week and tonight's dinner planned and prepped. Having those things done gives me a sense of relief, accomplishment and ease. My plan is to focus on as many positive aspects each day this week as I can amidst the outside stress those close to me seem to like to lay at my feet. I also have no plans for my birthday and am strangely content with that. 

Looking forward to a week focused on choices that lead to health.