Monday Jan 30

good morning all.   Sleep remains elusive, probably because am utterly and completely drained and crashed for two hours in the afternoon.  

walked for an hour in the morning and got caught in a deluge, literally soaked right through.   All our group could do was laugh.

Food was good until about 3 and then gave in to old comfort food habits.

another day today.

Dave, the trailer sounds divine and the rest of us are doing well.   Hanging on in there.

Sorry Kairk, hope that you are feeling better.    There is/are a lot of colds/flu and pneumonia going around this little town.   Take care everyone.

Carbon, I'm so sorry that sleep is eluding you. I had insomnia for 2 years after my daughter died so I know how draining it can be to feel exhausted but unable to sleep. It wreaks havoc with everything including eating because your body tells you to eat to fuel being awake.  Try to establish some sleep routines to help break the cycle. One of the ones that helped me eventually (after I had worked through enough of the mind stress causing it) was getting up early every morning (like today @ 5:30 am) and going to bed at the same time every night (no naps as much as you think you want one).  Other routines: no caffeine after noon, last meal at least 1.5 hours before bed, no stressful work/discussions within 1.5 hours of bedtime, completely dark and cool room, ear plugs, read in bed with book lamp (no other light****il sleepy.  There are probably more, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head! I'm kind of a fanatic about these rules because I was such a mess from the insomnia. I did take ambien for a while, but I built a tolerance to it and even when it worked I didn't feel rested like after a "real" sleep. Okay for once in a while, but not nightly.

I planned the Florida drive and booked a couple of hotels (can cancel if we don't get that far, but it should work). I broke the drive onto 3 semi-equal days.  Friday from Cape Cod to Fredericksburg VA.  Saturday to Savannah GA. Sunday to Port Charlotte FL, arriving prior to super-bowl.  Packing of clothing is mostly done and I'm working off a good list. I did a list for DH too and he is doing well with it - he got his bike ready yesterday, so he can bike with our friends.

Dog is better but definitely weak on one side, so I think she had a stroke. She is walking okay, but stairs are impossible. She was bringing her toys to my husband last night, a good sign that she is feeling well. Vet should get results of tests today to see if there are any liver or kidney complications. If her bad heart valve caused a stroke can they put her on blood thinners like a human?

114.75 - Yikes again. I thought I had picked up my calories enough to gain some but apparently not. I think I might get some of those evil nuts that I had to ban while losing. I don't want to introduce empty carbs so at least there will be some nutritional value.  I don't look good in a bathing suit at this weight and in shorts/sleeveless tops I have these knobby knees and elbows. I've never been this skinny in my life but my mother was after she got sick and my body is looking like hers a little bit (yikes again).

Have a good Monday!

It took me a while to realize, but I start to feel skeletal at about 120 lb.  BMI is technically ok but I can see and feel bones I think I shouldn't.   

nuts sound like a great idea. 

I had some peanut butter on an English this morning. Very filling!

Carbon, If I can get a good nights sleep the rest of the day seems easier.  I take meds for sleep.  Started having night terrors a few years back.  I don't have them when I medicate.  Kairk, speedy healing.

Wt 227 Calories  1319

First load of tools to the shop in the woods and real progress on the floors. Today my Mom has an early dr appointment and then I plan to head back for more grinding.  No loaded trailer though.  Gas milage went from 22 mpg to 12 mpg with the trailer loaded.  My gas bill is already high this month. 

More later, David

135.4 - same as yesterday I think. Way too much.

I did keep my calories below 1,200 and did 30 minutes of boot camp for exercise. Didn't finish my bible study or go to the woman's group last night. Too stressed out!

More drama with DS#1 (he is threatening to move out) and I think we are just going to let him. Of course he doesn't have a job, a way to get to school, a way to buy food....but at 19 I'm sure he has that all figured out - yeah right. Lots of yelling, swearing at blaming last night. It is always our fault and we are terrible parents. Hurts a Mom's heart (probably Dad's too). Bi-polar sucks, especially if the person with it won't take meds or seek counseling when things get tough. I fear for his safety and a little for ours even though no threats were made. I woke to a text this morning that said F*** you guys, you always say you want to help but never do anything. Nice start to my day!

So sorry, Paula.  

Lots of love to you.  Very stressful with all the emotions swirling.  You will all get by this.

My son is also seriously mentally ill, under control now, thank God, but with all of the stress swirling around us, he has started a new intensive outpatient program.  They almost always lump the alcoholics and addicts altogether with the mentally ill, but this group is separated! 

People give lots of advice, but everyone is vastly different.  I feel your pain and hope he finds his way.