Thursday January 5

116.5 - yesterday was the last day in the office until after PS. I'll be working from home once I'm able until mid-February.  PS countdown: 6 days.

Only one more day until weeks end. Short weeks always seem tougher at work (everyone fitting in too much).  My most important project (development of a system to support a new insurance product) is not going well and the decision on whether to delay implementation or not will be made tomorrow.  Very frustrating as this will be the 3rd time that IT has "reconfigured" the project (fancy way of saying that they have fallen behind and need more time). 

Enjoy your day!

Wt up 3 ??? Calories 1328

Discouraged by the scales.  This is not the first time they have disappointed me lately.  DW reminded me I am taking a couple of meds that cause weight gain.  N&Y call to me in times like these.  Grocery shopping yesterday and some almost flew into my cart.  I resisted and felt deprived and up 3 pounds this morning I feel even more deprived.  Oh well.  Start a new, to me, med soon to hopefully deal with some of the obsession and sedation.  Vyvanase. It is worth a try.   

Airstream steps include cabinet making the bathroom vanity today.  Shower wall went in better the second time.  Maybe I will get busy and forget about eating.  That would be nice.  Also need to engineer an odd shaped shower curtain rod out of copper pipe fittings.

Urgently Seeking Peace.   

Vyvanse and N&Y obsession are a match made in heaven.  And evidence based!  Totally worth a try.

125's, up a couple in solidarity with Dave. 

Sometimes I miss my physical bulk:    With my old heft, I could peel off 20 year old under-sink shelf paper just by leveraging my weight.  (Not that I would actually DO it, but I COULD do it) Now it is an aerobic upper body work out that rips my fingernails. 

Sometimes I miss food as a sedative:  Lordy, I have the feels these days and these feels frequently don't feel good.  Just as my capacity to tackle non-food/weight issues (like disgusting shelf paper) has expanded, my capacity to notice all manners of emotional and personal relationship dysfunction has expanded as well.    I find yoga (physical and non-physical) helpful but really there is no escaping that I have 20 years of the feels to work thru on an empty stomach.

And that, my friends, is my muse for today.   As always, thank you for being here and indulging my first of the morning personal counseling session.

Eat for health today.

Shel

Good morning, friends. 

I am down 2.6 from yesterday! WTH? I am tickled. I had trouble getting to 1300 calories yesterday.

I downloaded a wonderful read by Kris Gunnars (founder of Authoritynutrition.com). It's an ebook "diet" plan, however Kris is a recovering addict whose transfer addiction caused severe binge eating. He has dealt successfully his substance addiction and food addiction and weight by using science based research to guide him. I have mentioned authoritynutrition.com before.

David, I think it's well worth the $15 cost to download the 90+ page book. The book offers science based advice on weight loss and behavior modification. I think the book might help you center I am focusing on the behavior modification part mostly. 

I had a professional development session with the founder of Soul Shoppe (conflict resolution, positive living) yesterday. It is geared, of course, to the students, but yesterday's session was focused on teachers and how we can use the strategies in the classroom to benefit not only the students, but us, too. One of the concepts he talked about was using I messages and how adults generally tend to use I messages to blame others. He emphasized that this approach simply does not work because the person stating the I message is failing to take responsibility for his/her feelings. I applied this to my sense of being overwhelmed right before Christmas. I realized I have to own the feelings of being overwhelmed because I honestly put myself in that situation most times. So instead of getting angry at Ron for not picking up the slack, I realized that I have to ASK him to help me remember that I need "me time" and that when I don't have enough time to get everything done, I NEED TO ASK for help rather than assume he'll step up to the plate. He's not a mind reader, for heaven's sake! 

Funny, too, is that we discussed the Vegus nerve and it's roll in daily function during the inservice. Apparently the Vegus nerve is the new big thing in mind body awareness. Look at us VSGers! We've known this since our stomachs were downsized! 

I am doing my best to make self care a priority. I asked that we eat at the dining room table again, rather than in front of the TV. I have been very specific in asking for what I would like him to do around the house. I have also dedicated time to exercise, which makes me feel so much better. I am remembering to use mindful eating strategies - especially the 3-7 strategy. My focus and job for now is to keep this focus going. Hard for me, but if I'm going to "get well" I really need to change my mindset. 

Still feeling positive. 

Ooh I'll play

I miss being able to eat more.  Not really.  But you know what I mean.  That seems like the obvious answer.  I get full much more easily now.  But it's not that mind numbing, tingly, totally ate and pleased my brain kind of fullness.  It's the oh crap that's uncomfortable like I'm getting foamies, may not be able to keep it down tightness in my chest.  It's the mind satisfaction I miss.  And I miss it most at Thanksgiving when you're "supposed to" overeat.  I also miss desserts.  They're sickening to me now, no matter how often I try them, they always make my stomach feel blah or vomit.  Why do I keep trying?  But I used to love sweets!  It's sad now to see Christmas desserts and candies come and go.  Sure I had some of them.  But not the same.

Obviously there's so much more I like about being thin and healthy now.

I did pop in to say hi.  I had a huge struggle yesterday with body image.  Just went spiraling out of control into a self-loathing pit that I couldn't escape.  I've put on about 7lbs. since last year.  Luckily 3.5 has come off already this week--the NYE/NYD eats + flying I think caused extra water retention.  My under 5 is much more manageable.  But remember when before surgery and right after we had those panicky thoughts of "it won't work for me" or "I'm gonna gain it right back."  Yep.  I had those.  And then over Christmas I was triggered because my husband bought me this faux fur vest that made me look bulky plus it was a size large (and I NEVER buy larges--but this was from a teeny store, plus the large was too big).  And he also bought me some lingerie and I think I've mentioned on here how much I hate my BA because it adds bulk and just everything kinda piled on at once.

But I took a second to breathe and to appreciate how much has changed in 6.5 years.  Although it's easy to get frantic and think "I'm soooo fat", when I look back at my pictures I realize I'm glorifying a couple years ago--I look about the same weight then as now.  If I don't like that "soft" look, then I need to hit the gym!  And yes, explanting is definitely a goal for 2017.  Life is too short to be unhappy about the way you look and feel so I need to shut up or put up.

I will say, I find dieting to be much easier now.  Yes, it's still really hard.  But the hunger is more manageable, and I can tell a difference when I lose 5lbs., unlike at 270 when I could gain and lose 10lbs. without any notice.  It was an insurmountable challenge back then, and now it's very much doable.

 Don't be a stranger ! Loved seeing you post !

Greetings Introspective Maintainers

Seems to be the day of looking inward for all of us. Something we all need to do from time to time instead of worrying about what others think or feel all the time. Perhaps us former fatties tend to be overly empathetic and concerned about the opinions of others because we secretly think we are of no value due to being fat. Not easy to get over.

BrownBlonde good to hear from you. Its good to "put it out there" and then think about it as we all can learn from everyones feelings. 

Today was 131.5. A good thing. 

As mentioned, my husband thinks I drink too much wine and he is right. So I have instituted a cut back plan which I hope I can stick to. We are going to see my shrink tomorrow (whom I only see for med management) to talk about this at hubby's insistence. DH does not drink at all and does not get the pleasure of fine red wine. But I do need to cool it, glad I know some of the self limiting techniques of weight loss. One thing that is a nice substitute drink is cool water with a splash of tart red cherry juice in it. Pleasant tart taste, nice color and not many calories. 

Can't wait to hear about the Airstream Warming party when Dave and DW move in. Ditto shop. I am getting ready to purge my art studio as it is so dang full of stuff I can hardly turn around. 

Don't ya just hate IT? My hubby worked in that for years and there were so many ways to do the same thing and some were simple and some so convoluted. 

Well continue introspecting my friends. Most good ideas come from within.   Diane S

Hello all. Another drive by post as I report in at 116. Company coming for dinner so I've been grocery shopping this morning on my day off. 

Peace and hope

Hi, Dear Friends...

I'm hanging in the 160's still...will be happy to be back in the 150's but it may take me a minute or two:)  I felt more in control today eating. 

Yesterday, I was hungry all day long no matter what I ate,..Even when I could eat no more I was hungry!  I was looking forward to going home to eat a slice or two of turkey sausage and Andy had already eaten the rest of it.  I was unreasonably mad!!!  I pouted!!!  I was pissed!!  Can anyone relate?  It was really wrong of me to be so upset but I was...Oh! the control food has over me.  It's really quite ridiculous!!!  I even went to BodyFlow and tried to rid myself of the negative energy.  It did help! 

Devon, when I was reading your post I misread and thought Ron was not picking up his slacks!!  I thought to myself WHY should you have to tell Ron to pick up his slacks!!!  lol

Anyway, cheers to all of you!!!  Thanks for posting your truths!  I love the "feeding you soul" from DianeO.  That really resonated with me. Always working on it...never giving up!