Wednesday 9-28-16

146.2.  Up another pound despite calories being at 1089 yesterday.  The scale is hurting my feelings!

No exercise today due to early work meeting but will keep eating protein forward and pushing water.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday! 

I like Carbon's ever onward. It makes sense. It's what we do, whether we like it, or not, some days. We are a group of fighters.

My shrink said to me once, "If we can't be honest here, well... I mean what is the point of being here, right?" I feel very much that way about our board. I am able to be totally honest with you all and I can do it without shame or guilt or feeling chagrinned. So David's post about nuts and yogurt made me reflect about my own eating. Here are my thoughts.

Thoughts: I find it very easy to track my food all day long until I get home after school/work each day. It is then that my grazing habit kicks in to high gear. It is also the time of day I used to smoke heavily when I was a smoker. There must be some sort of need to decompress emotionally after a day of teaching. At one time it was cigarettes and coffee. Now, it's a handful of nuts here, a spoon full of this there, a squirt of whipped cream, a Quest Bar with my afternoon coffee (because I'm low on protein - so my brain tells me - then it's a healthy choice, right?), etc... When I have days like that whatever my intentions at the beginning of the day, I can never track with any real accuracy and I eventually stop tracking for the day. When I'm in this cycle my weight stays stable in a two pound range or so - even though I FEEL like I'm dieting. When I cut out the grazing, plan, and track the weight loss starts again.

Right now there must be more value in keeping my weight stable and indulging in little treats rather frequently and not correcting the grazing than losing the "puppy weight" (gosh, I love that term!). I do not know at this moment what the value is, but I know it's there or else I would be reining it in a little better than I am. I am learning to not get frustrated when I am in this cycle because, if I am honest with myself with full fidelity, I know I am hindering my own weight loss cycle and it is not my body playing tricks with me. I am making choices that keep me from losing weight. 

Today it is very important for me to own my truth and wear it with a sense of pride. This **** is hard! We all have struggles with food to some degree or other AND I bet we all always will struggle with food to some degree. Remembering that there is an ebb and flow to weight consciousness, that my issues are not a failing of character, and that I make choices every day that are within my control to help me keep the path and keep my faith in myself.

Amen to that!