Sunday. Aug21

good morning

thank you for your encouraging words.   The ' out of control self sabotaging ' came to a halt yesterday at 4pm.   Looking back with eyes of reason, can now see just what the original trigger was.   Nearly 48 hours of being out of control and all the self- recrimination that goes with it.   

Thank you for the honesty on this board.   It is a relief that can post with no fear of being put-down.  

Have a wonderful Sunday.

Good morning!!

Sounds like you are feeling better Carbon!  We have all been there.  I can't figure out for the life of me why we can be so kind to others and so hard on ourselves!! It does sound like you have learned from the experience so at least you have that.

No weight today as we are camping again this weekend.  Some not great food choices yesterday, could have been worse for sure but could have been better.  Being out here in the fresh air with everyone snacking and having treats is rough.  But we were very active yesterday so that's good.  We'll see what my super moody scale does tomorrow for weekly weigh in!

I hope all of you make the most of this day!!  I am grateful to share the journey with you!!

Glad things are looking up Carbon!

126.8 - up .2. Calories good yesterday, choices - meh.

Church today, then to put the finishing touches on the house before the showing at 5:00. I have no idea if they will like it or not or if we will even sell - still need some answers on the job front that are not likely to happen for a few months. The whole process is bittersweet. I would love to move but this has become home to us. It is where we have raised our children. Our small little community has been a good place to do that!

Paula

I know you have a senior, but what grades are the other boys in?  How do they feel about possibly moving?  

Good luck with the entire process.....so many moving parts!

A Senior, a Junior and an 8th grader. The 2 younger boys don't care if we move. The oldest does not want us to sell the house or move. Yes, many variables in place!

Supah Sunday to y'all!

Carbon, I have definitely been where you were!  This is a safe place to post. 

Your post reminds me that I need to go back into the Thin Woman book and find the section where she explains how overweight peeps are addicted to the over-eating/shame process.  She mentions this repeatedly in later chapters but I seemed to have missed the original explanation.

I know I am addicted to many parts of MO, but being addicted to overeating/shame cycle is a new idea for me --- it is hard to imagine that there is any part of me seeking that awful self-recrimination!  

125 today, which is my self-proclaimed maintenance target weight.  I can tell LBL swelling is going down -- I have not made calorie/macro adjustments.  I would still like to be south of 125 but will continue to wait and see what time brings.

I am ever so slowly improving at eating every 3-4 hours rather than grazing. Steps were very good.  Bedtime adherence was terrible. 

Treat yourself with kindness today.   We all deserve that and more!

Shel

Carbon, if at all possible, try not to even think about it as "self sabotaging" because it isn't. It is a lack of effective coping skills, it is addiction to hyper palatable foods, and it is not knowing how to deal with life without the use of food, it is often what we have been raised to do (remember the "Oh, honey have a cookie, you'll feel better." when we were little stuff?)

Do your best to separate yourself from the behavior. You are not the behavior. When we begin to understand the impetus behind the behavior and can be understanding and kind towards ourselves the healing and change will begin. 

I am so glad you posted this today. My words to you only help reinforce the things I need to remember, too. 

Hope today is a good one for you, and I'm not just talking about with food. 

"it is not knowing how to deal with life without the use of food"

I am really starting to connect with this.  I am sticking to a very strict eating plan today and my day feels so grey and lackluster.  Food is such an integral part of my life, my existence, my everything... that I struggle to feel like I'm truly living without the enjoyment it.

No one ever taught me to eat simply for the sake of nutrition.  I can do this fine with many other parts of my life - I can gamble, drink, have sex, shop, etc, with perfectly normal behaviors... but with food, it's never been normal.

Thanks for sharing, Kairk.  Hits home.

186 today.  Up 3.5!  Insanity.  Can't be real.  But that number scares me after how hard I've been working.

All I can do is stick to the plan and keep looking forward.  Onward, upward.  

Greetings Magnificent Maintainers

Carbon, million cyber hugs to you.  Lets think about why we experience self loathing and shame when we eat unhealthy. We all make many other goofs and mistakes daily and don't mentally beat ourselves up for it. Lets all imagine our mental whips and chains as just disappearing. 

Good point about Why is it that we can be kind to others and not ourselves. How about Do unto yourself as you would do unto others or something like that. 

Well not much going on here today. Puppy jumped into the bed and walked all over my face. Its a  calm and sunny day and I need to continue paper sorting and removal. Yesterday puppy had a veritable string of visitors - I tell my friends who are having issues to come over and hug the pup. Sometimes she gets so wild with visitors that she has to be crated for awhile. 

Last night's dinner was organic chicken apple sausage plus fermented raw sauerkraut. A great summer supper I must say and barely 200 calories. And ultra easy to prepare. 

Watching olympic diving last night reminded me of a childhood event - a contest to see who could make the biggest splash at the local swimming pool for July 4th festivities. I did a cannon ball and won. Then I was very embarrassed that I won because I was the fat girl. Well, I would not win today!

Peace and Love, all.   Diane S