Warped Body Image -w/pic

My warped sense of body image came up again this past weekend. I was given an old publicity photo for a production of West Side Story done in 1983. I was played the role of Riff, the leader of the Jets. I was 19 years old.

Here's the photo. I'm center with the cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

I struggled at the time with my wardrobe. I felt soooooo uncomfortable in that outfit when I first put it on. I felt that every one would see how unfit I was. I was not thin like the fellow on my left - Joe, the tall guy with the skinny legs (who happened to be a fantastic dancer who went full on pro a few months post production and also was my first serious beau). Do I dare even say that I didn't think I was good looking enough either? There were a few love interests in college I didn't even pursue because I thought that there would be no way that so and so would like me, be attracted to me, etc... All true.

It's important to note, too, that my mom also was giving me the message that I should lose a little weight at this time. I had recently put on a little weight and was up to about 175 or so.

I look at the picture now and think what the hell was wrong with me? Ron saw the picture for the first time and basically said I looked like a little stud in the photo. I can see that I wasn't fat. My arms even had a little definition. My stomach was flat. But what I saw back then was that my legs were so much thicker than Joe's, my waist was thick and my legs were so terribly short in comparison. Oh, and my quads! They were so big and thick! HATED them! 

Seeing this picture helps me understand how little I have changed in this area of self-assessment and perception. My expectations are still somewhat out of line with reality. When will good be good enough? If I am never thin enough of fit enough or lean enough or will never have elastic enough skin after WL to look like an underwear model at 52, why bother even trying, right?

I think that's key information for me to sit with right now as I'm trying to get off these last pounds. Is it my unobtainable and lofty expectations that are the saboteurs? If I don't get my expectations of outward physical appearance in check with reality I believe I will constantly set myself up for a struggle.

Today, 33 years later I can look at the picture and appreciate who I was back then. I only wish I knew back then who I was and how much value I had. I could very well be living a different life altogether had I really understood my value as the person I was - not who I thought I wanted to be. In short, I was cute. I was a good package deal. Too bad I didn't know it!

The lies we tell ourselves are so bizarre, aren't they?  Ummm actually, you were the hottest guy there. By a long shot. Wowza

Great Pic. Don't you just wish you could go back in time and know what you know now and free yourself from all that self torture about body image? I too wasted so much time on this when I could have been having more fun. Its so important to teach young people about feeling good about themselves as becoming the type of person you want and deserve to be. Good people are not necessarily good looking. Good comes from within but its ok to be happy with how you look.     diane s

p.s.  that cigarette sure looks like a doobie to me.   lol   diane s

I'd have to agree with Ron's assessment !!!   Quite the stud !!!  Yes... the trick is appreciating who we are at any given point in time.  We are all works in progress ... it's the progress that matters.

Wow!  I agree you were studly!!  Why we spend so much of our lives wasted with negative feelings about our bodies, is such a mystery.  Everyone around us, including parents, unfortunately, sell us a bill of goods that we accept, no questions asked.  What we didn't know back then was most everyone was in the same boat, regarding some misconception of their identities, but we felt so alone. By the time we realize our error, if we ever do, it is with regrets for what could have been.  Hopefully, we can get to a place of acceptance with who we are and what we look like.  Does that ever happen?  I sure hope it does!

I noticed the thighs right away, but in a good look how muscular his legs are sort of way. Upper body looks great too. I like muscles though, for both men and women. 

There's no mistake who you are in the picture!!!  You were HOT back then and you're still HOT!!!  Believe it!!!

Wowza, I am super short on time for reading/posting today but Wowza!   I think it is pretty common for teenagers not to appreciate themselves but why do some people go on to figure out they are fabulous and others get left behind in the I-will-be-good-enough-only-when ______ (fill in the blank) 

You are fabulous.  Live it.