Friday, May 13th

TGIF Family !!

     Linda... unfortunately there are no DEXAs around me.  NYC or Boston are closest.  I had never heard of "essential fat" levels and the term "under fat" as a "thing".  I knew people could be in the healthy BMI range with too high a fat level, or have an acceptable fat level but be overweight, but I never considered the other end of the continuum.  I've been researching the term and the resulting potential health implications.  I'm also looking for information on increasing body fat percentage while maintaining weight... not looking possible, which makes sense.  Devon, there may be some control issues at play and you make a good point about the disordered eating continuum.

     I am already feeling myself moving into defense mode, as I research some of the "what happens next" options.  Linda, I can agree to not losing more.  That being said, I was 128 this morning, and I'd want that to be my new low.  Any if I get lower by my Wednesday Bariatric appointment, I'd want that to be my new low.  I am unwilling to decrease physical activity, to reduce calories expended.  My body feels good, my joints don't hurt, my clothes fit well. I love my firmness and messing with that isn't an option. I know I have to raise my body fat but I just can't begin to wrap my head around intentionally gaining weight.  Looking for compromises I can live with. Not thinking it was a coincidence I got myself back into therapy.

Diane you are incredibly well equipped to successfully sort out this little blip in your journey. I don't think I've ever known anyone who is more open to considering and integrating new information. Your level of honesty is truly admirable and it will serve you well in sorting this out. Sounds like you've got a solid support team to guide you and I think you'll find the CBT work beneficial to all areas of your life.

Kudos to you my friend.

164.5 this morning  - somehow being under 10 lbs to goal feels better than over 10 lbs to goal, even though it's a small change 

Dropping the carbs really low has helped a lot with cravings even though it's only been a few days.  I watched my kids eat cookies and didn't really want them.  

Today's my day off from work so I'm going to do something nice for myself (maybe the art museum or something non-food related).  We have a cruise coming up in a month that we need to get prepared for, and I feel better getting my head on straight before going rather than having to undo more damage when I get back.

Have a great weekend everyone!

I'm in the exact same position.  As my weight got slightly over 10lbs. needed to lose, I started to feel a spiral.  I started to feel panicky, which made me feel less in control, which maybe was a self-fulfilling prophecy because I tended to give up control and feel defeated.  Just a few pounds off has made a huge difference in terms of feeling like I still have the reigns.  

I am usually pretty strong-headed about not wanting to give up carbs.  Because, after all, I figure I live in a world of "gray" food and I've been in maintenance for a while, and I couldn't hide from them forever.  First I had to accept that I actually had some weight to lose now, again, so I was not truly in maintenance.  Secondly, I realized that in order to lose weight I would really have to drop my calories and I simply couldn't rationalize wasting away the calories on carbs (more of a "bang for your buck" argument as opposed to a "forbidden fruit"--really helped me because I cannot resist a bargain :)  )  And finally, much to my surprise, limiting my carbs has made the low calorie goal much more manageable.  I've had my moments, and I have still indulged occasionally in a piece of dark chocolate.  But it's been much easier to say no.  It was getting to the point where I wanted a sweet every day, often twice a day!  

And, like you, I'm going on vacation to Key West in 2 weeks--I started this effort 3 weeks ago.  Seize the day!  Good luck

Ah carbs.

I like them.  They are tasty and I don't like giving them up.  I feel like a toddler not wanting to give up my blankie, not even to go in the wash.

The truth is, I feel better when I don't eat them.  Even better when I don't eat them for long stretches at a time. It's easier to manage my weight without them.  And I don't crave them unless I eat them.   But they are such a part of my past eating habits, and they are absolutely EVERYWHERE that I don't always manage to keep them out.  (And I wants them!!)

I eat some.  And nothing happens!  The scale doesn't go up!   So, I figure, they must not be that bad - see, I can do some!  Everything in moderation! (a bunch of BS for me anyway...) And then I do some more.  And some more.  What that looks like might be eating a bite or two here and there, then eating the pizza with the crust when I would usually just eat the cheese, and eating the sushi instead of the sashimi, etc. Then it stokes the hunger, and I'm off to the races.  That coupled with autopilot and not tracking got me in this mess.  

So for now, protein and green veggies are mostly it for me.  If I am to stay where I want to be, I'm going to have to really limit the carbs to very occasionally and not a tiny bit at every meal, or even a few times a week.  I don't like it.  But I don't have to like it - I just have to do it.  And so it goes!

My goodness it's Friday again!  Lucky Friday the 13th too :). I've never viewed it as unlucky so making no effort to avoid black cats or walking under ladders. 

I'm at 111 again. Still feeling just a little off physically, but certainly not sick. Food feels pretty darn solid again, largely because I'm putting a little more effort back into planning and having the right things on hand. I'm grateful to not feel the struggle right now. Struggling still scares me, but nowhere near as much as it once did.

The further out I get in my maintenance journey, the more confident I'm becoming in my decisions, my body, and probably most important - my comfort level with imperfection. My body does not demand perfection in my choices to stay at a healthy weight. If I'm willing to keep my head in the game by being honest with myself about my situation and my actions, things fall into place. 

Greetings Skinny Sojourners

Boy is OH being slow today. Maybe its my computer.  Well I am down to 131. The house siding work continues and they are finding some dry rot and stuff. Not surprising. This house was build with cardboard and chewing gum. My old bank changed ownership and went to the new one to get $ to pay the sider contractor. Whew what a dumb bank. Only one person there knows how to do anything.  gotta get out of there. Paid $1.10 penalty to withdraw the CD early.  That won't even buy a protein bar. Speaking of which I tried a couple of new ones from the hippy food store. One with lots of chia seeds.  Neither was very good. 

Pleasant man came in the gallery and we got to talking about prospecting for gemstones and crystals. Pretty soon he is telling me his life story and how he came upon a group of suspicious arabic speaking people meeting secretly out in the woods. The story goes on and now this guy is diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic and is sure he is being followed by these terrorists which he reported to the government.  It went on and on. Kept hoping other customers would come in so I could escape. I should have sold him some kind of charm to ward off the government and terrorists. 

There are lots of crazy people around here. The area seems to attract them.  Guess thats why we are here.

Eggs and turkey bacon last nite. An easy and satisfying meal.  Gotta hit the store today. Seems I go about every 2 or 3 days instead of the boatload trips every 10 days. makes for fresher stuff.    

Puppies are 7 weeks old. In another week, chaos will erupt.  New care arrangements for mom begin Monday.  as the saying goes "Hold on to your butts!!"  diane S

May the force be with you !!  I'll bet the new arrangement is the winner !!

Hi All!  It's been a long day and this is my first real break.  So glad you are all here, and am getting lots from everything written.  Most importantly is that I'm not alone and some of the feelings, struggles, etc. that I can beat myself up ablout, are normal for all of us.

Still not weighing, but my clothes feel looser today.  My spare tire is still there, but a little of the air seems to have come out of it!  :)

Food continues to be in its place, and as each day goes by eating low carb and lowere calorie, the cravings have lessened.  The weekends tend to be more difficult, so I need to be on my guard.  We have lots of work inside and out to do, and then on Sunday, both my girls and I are at the Opera House for recital practices.  I will need to plan for food, as when I do lots of work, I get tired and it's so much easier to go out or get unhealthy take-out.  I'll need to take healthy snacks to the Opera House, as dinner will be later than usual.

Nothing much to say today.  Some things at work have been disconcerting, but I'll get through them.

Diane, good luck with your mom on Monday!

Hugs to all, Mary

Glad to hear things are getting a little easier Mary. Keep on the path and the results will be there.