Tuesday, May 10th

124.6 today - up a little. Planned indulgence day today to celebrate my 51st year. Last year I was on pureed foods at this point in my VSG journey and had pureed crab with alfredo sauce. Today I already had cake for breakfast (kind of a tradition) and will go to Red Lobster for lunch - Cheddar Bay biscuit and crab alfredo with pasta awaits, dinner will be normal eats. Of course my portion will be less. Planning on boot camp this morning. Tomorrow I will go right back to on-plan eating.

Paula

Happy birthday, Paula !!  Enjoy your day !!

129.6 today.  I am confident it is a combination of my carbs Mother's Day and some leg swelling.  My calories have been fine, but didn't even have 4,000 steps yesterday.  I really miss my walking companion, and I feel guilty walking without her.  I just have to build in designated time during my work day.

I was totally back off the sugar yesterday.  As I mentioned in Linda's sweet v. salty post, the further away I get from eating sweets, the more I recall the fond memories of flavor, texture, and the calming numbing effect.  After I've eaten rich sweets and the  sick feeling hits, that is usually my first association for a good 48 hours... enough to get me through a detox.  My problem is twofold...the salty/savory carb craving a "sweet foray" ignites, which just compounds until I am successful applying the brakes AND the fact that the farther out I get from the rich sweets, the stronger the positive association becomes once again.  I realize that I've been fortunate to be able to limit the negative rebound from non-fuel eating.  I want to habituate my food as fuel associations and diminish the food for pleasure, comfort, recreation tapes.  For me, it has to be that way.  For me to be successful, at this point in my recovery, I need  to see food as a means to a healthy life style. Right not, there is simply not room for anything else.  That is something I can and will work toward, but for me, right now, my comfort and enjoyment can't be linked to food as the primary source.

Good morning!

Happy birthday Paula!!!

Diane, I just responded to the sweet or salty thread.  Your post here rang true for me.  What you prompted in me, from your post today was that, even though I stay away from sugar laden foods,  I do eat some sf versions.  And, guess what?  Surprise, those foods can call my name just as much!  For some reason, though, I have been able to stay within those limits, and stop with venturing out into the real stuff, thus triggering more and more of those as well as other sugar  laden foods.   I have had to recognize, though, that I can't have some of those foods in the house, especially sf ice cream, as they keep calling to me, and the portions have gone up and up.  I tell myself that some day I may be able to handle these foods, and I am able to get an occasional planned cup of sf ice cream at an ice cream stand, but, for today, I need to stay away from bringing it home, and from the "real" stuff.

I have not been able to face the scale.  I know that it will only add to the discomfort I've felt of late.  However, I plan to weigh by the end of this week.  Food was spot on yesterday, and so far today.  Very low carb and watching the calories too.  Feeling less discomfort each day, and I will know when it's ok to weigh again.  I'm not in denial mode, but in protective mode right now.  I will say here that we're going to a Mexican restaurant for supper, to celebrate a close friend's birthday today.  I am commiting to no chips and salsa - I'll drink water while they're on the table, and then I will get a grilled chicken salad.

Dance tonight after dinner out - always a pick-me up!

Have a great Tuesday!

Hugs, Mary

Happy Birthday, Paula!

124.7 this morning.  Down about 2.5 lbs in one day of water swoosh. 

I added my comments to Linda's post about triggers.  Frisco had me thinking, too, in a post last night about the value of saying NO in a culture of Yes. 

As I thought about both Linda's and Frisco's posts,  I realized that in the last 30 days I have set myself up for trouble by having extra snacks available within arm's reach at work.  I'm going to put  the extras in a bag and then keep it in the back of the car. So, available, but not in my proximity trigger zone. My planned meals will stay with me in the office.  Even with this plan I find myself thinking "I'll just keep one portion of TJ almonds/trail mix in my office."  But, that is giving myself permission to have it, probably today and probably in the next 3 hours.  So, out to the car it all goes. 

Whew, enough of that.  Yoga and a walk with Buster planned for later.  Haven't yoga'd for a couple of days and I definitely need the tune up. 

Shel

Love the name Buster! Am considering it for my boy puppy - should he be the one I keep! 

My husband named him before we had even decided to bring him home.  He lived up to his name in terms of busting stuff his first year so be very careful :)  

Despite that 1st year (which we should have/could have managed differently) he has been an absolutely, terrific addition to the family.  And, I still love the name, too. 

My dad had a Buster as a child. I"ve been waiting a long time for the right boy to name Buster. I'm not sure Buster will be this guy's name, if it's the Blue boy. Green boy fits Buster better. Blue boy could be Bruiser, though! 

Greetings fine slim people:

Well I am not so slim - up to 132 for no apparent reason. Yogurt, tuna ,chicken, zucchini. a couple of handfuls of peanuts were probably the culprit but jeez.  So much for the two pounds I was ordered to lose by General Cirangle. 

Our house looks like an exploded garage sale. Hubby had to clear a lot of stuff out of the garage so the siding contractors could use it as a staging area. Now our living room is filled with weed hackers, garden supplies, and all manner of tools I have never seen before. Plus the old dead vacuum cleaner I fell on a couple of weeks ago and the new vacuum. Cripes I wish he would stop buying all this junk. Or at least get rid of the three old weed eaters that he does not like. Hubby has a hardware store transfer addiction. 

Chicken stir fry tonight. Dogs will benefit.

Diane S

Happy Birthday Paula!!!

Still at 113. Settled for a knife lick of DH's latest pie instead of an entire piece.  I too am having trouble saying no right now to DH's preference for having pie available every evening. He likes to finish every evening with a piece and I'm having trouble shutting that small pleasure of his down. I guess I feel guilty saying no to him having it here because he's been working so hard on the truck and I'm so grateful for that.  A bit warped I know, but I don't hav the courage to deal with it right now.

Happy 51^st Paula!

I am loath to post my weight. However, it is due to sheer embarrassment for gaining 8 pounds this past month. It is not due to the fact that I have been hiding from the scale. I weighed every day during my sugar debacle.

I like the sound of that - sugar debacle. I could make a kid's book title:

Dogman Devon and the Great Sugar Debacle!

Yesterday was 100% refined sugar free. The only form of sugar came from fruit and dairy - neither of which are triggers. I did not concern myself about calories or carbs.

Today will be more of the same, however, I'm feeling like I can be a little more calorie conscientious. I may go ahead and log my food in, just to get back in the habit. I'm going to have to get this extra weight off and then some.

Sleep still not where it needs to be, but a tiny little bit better. BTW, nutritionist is more concerned about my lack of sleep than the food. She believes that this episode was triggered by exhaustion, not a lack of focus on good eating. She pointed out how hard it is to plan and cook and make good choices when one is exhausted. Convenience is intoxicating when overly tired. I know all this, but it was validating to hear it from a "pro". It all really makes sense to me.

What I am not certain of is if I have been kind to myself on a very deep level. While I feel a certain shame for having gained weight - you know the failure thing - I don't feel particularly angry with myself or as if I have truly failed myself. I have only felt one fleeting moment of wanting to throw in the towel, but it was truly a fleeting moment during a wave of sadness on Saturday or Sunday. I need to know on a very intimate level that this episode is not an indication of failure, but rather a period of real growth. It truly has been a period of learning and for that I am grateful. The idea that foods can flow in and out of my personal safe zone is pretty awesome. There is a great deal of comfort for me in knowing that certain foods are simply not safe for me to eat RIGHT NOW. Maybe in three months I will be once again balanced that some of the foods will be safe. Maybe not. It doesn't really matter because for now I know they just aren't safe. That works for me.

Oh, the joys of my road from obesity to a better me.

In the spirit of transparency, let me end with this:

203.5