I did it "My Way"

197.  Help me please!

I have been talking the talk, but not walking the walk.  I thought I could do it "my way", but my way is the wrong way.  I have to go back to doing exactly what my surgical team advised.  But it is so much harder now.  What are your favorite weight-loss recipes or go-to staples?  I am stocking up tonight, eliminating carbs, going back to basics, and want to prepare more simple dinners like my favorite Eggface's ricotta bake.  Please let me know your favorites to get me through the detox.

My brother and sister-in-law asked me early on, then last year we had serious discussions about my surgery because my 20 year old niece was interested.  She been overweight since she was very young and is the image of me in most ways, except she never followed any diet or exercise plan.  I went to my first "diet doctor"/speed dealer when I was 11 years old and followed every diet since and joined multiple gyms and bought every exercise gimmick. 

I was told that my niece wanted to have the surgery because it was so successful for me, but she didn't want to go through the counseling, the groups, online groups and they acted like I made up the strict rules and consequences.  She does not do anything for herself, which is a major concern.  She also has always eaten a carb-heavy diet (noodles, butter & salt at every family dinner).  I strongly suggested she follow a high protein diet before considering surgery.  Yesterday, another brother said that because they thought I put too much pressure on the rules, they decided not to tell me that she had the surgery.  She wants to do it her own way.  I found out by accident when someone slipped up yesterday about how much weight she has lost. 

Obviously, I am very hurt by this, but also had a wide-eyed moment of clarity even before I saw the scale jump to 197!!!  I have been trying to do this my own way, adding carbs, tootsie pops, relaxing the reigns...  The fear has not diminished, but the discipline has.  

In regards to your niece's surgery, I would still consider it a vast improvement.  I had surgery at 22, my sister had it the same day at 19.  Far and away the BEST decisions I've made in my life.  Nothing even compares.  It has opened so many doors for me--educationally, professionally, socially, romantically, etc.  I feel like I am actually living life now, not just observing others and thinking "maybe someday."  When people would tell me that surgery was the easy way out, I would respond that it was the "only way out."  And I still feel that way.  I guess I would say that even with her current mindset, WLS presents the best possibility for future success.  Dieting on our own, especially when we have 100+ to lose, is a losing prospect (and I don't mean pounds), just by the percentages of people *****gain their weight.  Also there is hope that maybe she will be forced to make better decisions.  At least at first many things did not suit my new little sleeve.  Yes I could get down crackers and that was good and well, but pasta/rice/potatoes made me feel so full and ill, and sugar did literally make me sick (even though dumping syndrome is more typical with RnY).  Also, when you only get a few bites, you NEED protein.  And, even this far out, too much sugars still makes me sick, and pasta (a once beloved food) is one of my least favorites because it swells and feels uncomfortable, and then leaves me hungry later.  On a recent trip to Italy I was begging people "please tell me what's best here--NO PASTA!!"  So even I, a person who triumphantly will tell you "I did it my way", can tell you that even 6 years out some of the eating patterns had to change.  i would recommend, however, that you pass along tidbits of good eating information.

As far as you--I'm in the same boat.  I did it my way.  And I think you and I have both still been successes.  But to ensure that--I'm entering into a "readjustment/re-tune" phase.  People who eat a varied diet day-to-day occasionally go on a stricter diet to lose a few pounds gained over holidays, or whatever other occasion.  I still firmly believe that not being too militant with my eating has been key to my success.  And I'm still 120lbs. under my start weight, so I feel confident in saying that.  I think part of the goal is to know what works for you.  I have been maybe a little too lax recently--at least for the weight I would like to maintain.  So I have reeled that back in.  I'm going strict for now to lose the weight, and then will probably take some time to "refeed" and determine what I can and cannot do to maintain at a given weight, and what sacrifices I'll choose to make.  With me, I've always gained weight as a result of diets because something in my head and/or body rebelled and I ended up compensating for the calorie restriction in the end, and being more miserable to boot.  So, for me, it makes sense not to send my body/head off the deep end and occasionally indulge.  The trouble with this "occasional" indulgence is that it has become far too often.  As in, daily.  So that had to change.  I cannot eat whatever I want whenever I want it.  And I'm not sure anyone can.  But I do believe in balance and saving up calories for a special dinner out, etc.  But that works for me.  So maybe you can do it "you way" as long as you are honest about what you need to do to reach your goals.  For me, for now, I have found that I need to really cut out the excess and buckle down for a few weeks.  I think this time is different, and I'm not tempted to "go off the deep end" because I have a clear goal.  I think taking it a chunk at a time has been a game changer for me.  My surgiversary was only 5 weeks from the time I started this new goal, and I am determined to try to get back to my lowest weight by then.  Perhaps a chunk of a goal could be helpful to you.

Good luck to you and your niece.  I think as long as your willing to keep fighting the fight, you are a tremendous success, and will serve as a great example to your niece.

Thank you so much for this response! I love my niece and do not want her to go through all of this without success.  I am glad that you have had long-term success.  Thank you for reminding me of my success.  Unfortunately, I am not supposed to know that my niece had surgery, and I am now sure that she is avoiding me.  However, I will take your advice and will be a good example to her from afar by fighting the good fight.

You are right that we are in the same boat as my occasion indulgences have become daily. I used to give myself permission for treats on weekends only and then only if it was deemed worthy.  I will follow that again and up the bar on what I deem worthy for the next 7 weeks. 

Setting realistic goals is an awesome idea. Coincidentally, my 2 year surgiversary is in 7 weeks.  I can and will detox for the next 7 weeks, which should bring me back to 182.  That will be my first goal.  Second goal will be 170 by my birthday on September 19^th.  I will regroup at that point.  I am thinking that my reward for goal number one will be a plastics consult for a leg lift.  Most of my sagging, dimpled skin is on my upper thighs, so a lift will make a tremendous difference for me.  Maybe my reward for my 2^nd goal will be booking my surgery date.  Now I am very excited.

Thank you.